Spring Files- Parkin' Lot

The Journey Thus Far

2011-04-01T12:28:00.001-07:00

It's been almost a month since my last post. It has to be the most productive 1 month that I have ever spend in Jakarta. Usually, it is all about resting, recuperating and lazing about. However, this time, it has all been about work. In the short 1 month, I have worked 3 shops for my business, done up my website and managed to restock several times.

I realised that Jakartans are very fashion savvy people and love to be unique and prefer to look expensive since they are familiar with designer labels and celebrity. They are not too edgy or fashion forward and like to look proper and well put together. They love their accessories from necklaces to hairbands to shoes and bags. They are also very smart with 'investing' their money on purchases. These traits are good for me as it means they are constantly updating their wardrobes and looks to stay on trend. It is thus, not too ideal for me to put out pieces that are too edgy or avant garde.

Right now, I am focusing on the marketing aspect of my business, by adding more people into my group and posting an ad on a popular teen magazine 'Looks'. I know I have great stuff on offer, now I just need the clientele to offer it to. Another thing that I am focusing on is finding great wholesalers for my clothes.

Spending money is really easy here in Jakarta for me as there are so many things (little little things) and food (little little bites) that I love! Luckily, these things can be really cheat (if you know where to get them for cheaper) and I love to hunt for them. Window shopping itself is a treat as the malls offer so much and are ginormous!!

Recently, I acquired a croc skin red boston bag with removable strap!! LOVE! It is probably my first croc skinned bag and also my first red bag (it is more like deep burgundy and masculine)! It is also studded, which makes it unique. LOVE LOVE LOVE! I was unpacking my stuff and found so many of my pre-loved canvas totes. The good thing is I can sell them =). I have this Sailor themed tote that I used to use everyday as it has pockets on the front for my water bottle and wallet and keys. There are a couple of other ones that I may let go since I have not used them for a while...

I shall sort that out soon, once I got time!

Only Boy In The World

2011-03-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

Ache is my body. Sleep I crave. Overjoyed I am.

The moving is done!! Not an easy feat for only two days!!! We rented a van and did the moving all by ourselves. On Saturday, we had al late start and went only 2 trips. On Sunday, it was the killer as we had to move the bed, the couch, the 50” plasma TV, the fridge and the washing machine!!! We ended up going to bed at 3 AM!! The next day, we had to wake up at 8 AM to return the van keys, zzzz. On top of that, we have to clean the old house (yucks) and organise the things we moved in the new house (more work!!). This will be done throughout the course of this week, zzz.

Despite the ‘happening’ weekend, my Monday was equally happening as I went to Rihanna’s concert!! It is 3 and a half hour of music extravaganza than gets louder and louder throughout the night. The opening act was Far East Movement which I am not a big fan off. Other than the ever annoying ‘Like A G6’ song, I have no clue what they are singing for 30 minutes. However, it is so good to see Asians representing!!

The act was then followed by Calvin Harris, who is amazing! Makes me wanna be a DJ and spin for a crazy crowd! Then Rihanna finally came to stage. It started out really good as she performed hits after hits. Then at the last 30 minutes, it sort of got downhill as the base and sound system got so loud that she seemed to be screaming instead of singing. The performances felt rushed too. All in all, it as great value for money as you get 3 acts and 3 and a half hours of entertainment. The crowd is really young and beautiful (mostly) and perhaps too young for my liking as it felt like on average, everyone is about 19 years old and still in school.

I am flying tomorrow night!!! Can’t wait to start my new life! I just found out that a good friend of mine is going to London for holidays with his girlfriend! UGH! Sooo jealous!!!! If only I have the time and money to go, boohoo. All my money has gone into capital to start off my business. Even if I don’t have the time, I would have loved to either ask him to help me buy the Prada briefcase or even the Chanel J12 if I have the money! They are sooo much cheaper there! Unfair, unfair, unfair!!! Its like crying over spilled milk! Over spilled Prada! No fair! I wanna go too!!

Technically I have been on holidays for the past 4 months, which is reason enough on why I should not go. Firstly, 4 months of no income is devastating to my already shrinking Chihuahua sized account. Secondly, I am wasting more precious time if I go. I don’t deserve to go as I have not done anything productive to deserve a holiday like this. Damn! Anyways, London is not in my agenda for 2011. It’s just that it is rare to find another mate who is going at the same time. Oh well. Plus the current cold weather is a serious turn off, ewk! I am going to sleep now and I am not even sleeping on this London thing! There will be next time!!

Want you to make me feeeeeel, like I’m the only boy in the world~

Wall by wall

2011-03-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

Crazy moving day. Sometimes I wonder if having many 'earthly possessions' run in my family. It must be in the genes as I realised that even after I have sent all my things away, there is still so many bloody things that my sister and this current house has that needs to be moved!!! Grrr... it is never ending and make me fantasise about the perfect world where I have the luxury of simply packing a suitcase to move. Yet, this perfect world will never exist as my undies alone will fill that suitcase. Zzzzz.

The new apartment in Toorak is unreal by the way. Minutes away from all the good cafes, restaurants and drinking spot in Chapel Street. The only problem is there is too many car traffic in that area and it can get noisy on the weekend nights with party goers. The crowd is beautiful and young and it is a posh area with nice cars lining the roads. Chapel Street used to be but no longer is a place I like to go. I am not sure why but I don't find the shopping there exciting or any special. Just like Oxford Street in Sydney, I find those places too dry and inorganic.

Recently I have been listening to some oldies/classic Mandopop songs. I never liked those particular songs that much in the past when they were hot. However, today, I find them meaningful and relevant to my current point in life. I have been listening to Daniel Chan's 'Bu Wo Xing Fu', 'Xiang Feng Yi Yang De Nan Zi' and Na Ying's 'Zheng Fu' and 'Meng Yi Chang'. The latter is my current favourite. It is such a deep song with complex lyrics although it sounded like a lullaby at first. Can't wait to 'belt' them in karaoke wakakakaka.

My last two days in Melbourne. There is no strong emotions at all. It seems like I am over it here. I feel like I am more than ready to close this chapter. When I am driving around, the faces and places, does not strike any emotions. The buildings and familiar spaces, have been there as I remembered and used to be a destination but no longer. My relationship ties to the people here are fulfilled and there is no more unfinished business... not after today. The only question in my heart is, what will I miss when I go away??

I try to conjure a list of things that I love here. I am sure I will miss certain restaurants here as I do get cravings for them once in a while. I am sure I will miss some shops here as I get heaps of things there. I think I will miss the cool weather here and the opportunity to wear a nice coat although I am constantly complaining about the cold. I may miss the relaxed lifestyle and the friendly people of Melbourne. Then, will I miss my friends here, even though I constantly feel loneliness. Yet... these are all speculations of what I will miss. The only way to find out is to be away from this place.

Then there are the exciting yet uncertain thoughts about my future. Will my business be truly successful in Indonesia? Will my life be too comfortable in Jakarta with my wealthy parents in their mansion? Will I lose my motivation to keep improving my skills and myself? Will I find happiness there? What drama awaits me in this foreign yet familiar place? Wall by wall, I will need to break down the negative thoughts and build my empire. I am sure there will be plenty of challenges ahead of me.

Now, I like to thank God for my life. I am grateful for all that He has given me. He has blessed me with opportunities and choices. I am well aware that I have many a times not chosen the choices that are pleasing to His eyes. Yet, mistakes happen for a reason and my character is built on those mistakes and overcoming my weakness by first identifying them. In him I trust, I shall fear no evil =).

I am truly my worst critic. It does not matter if my mom and dad will be proud of my work, as I know that I need to be proud of my work to live with myself. And if I am proud of my work (eventually), my parents will be too. I know that I have been blabbering about family values and stuff a lot recently but it is certainly a topic I like to explore. A family is like a dynasty. There is politics, drama and so dynamic and I feel like it is time for me to participate in my family matters.

All Set

2011-03-02T22:57:00.000-08:00

OMGeeee! A Zone 1 two hour train/tram ticket is $3.70!!! Rip-off!!

Good news!! We got an 'Ok' to re-open our bazaar stall in Thamrin City!!! This week has been good news week! My 16 boxes of preciousness arrived safely in Jakarta! My sister got her apartment in Toorak and I manage to sell most of the unwanted furnitures! I also sold my bed, which means I am bed-less and will be sleeping on my couch for the next few days, zzzz. I am also still waiting for my parcel to arrive from the US and it better arrive by Monday!! Damn, if not, I will need to waste $50 to mail it back to Jakarta which will be super duper annoying!

5 more days in Melbourne... 5 more busy days actually. Tomorrow I have to visit this gun shop to check something out for my brother. Then I will be going to the gym before meeting up with my friend for dinner. Korean food, yum. I will miss Korean food when I am in Jakarta as it is not prepared by real Koreans. However, I am planning a trip to Korea possibly end of this year!! Yay.

On Saturday and Sunday, it will be moving and cleaning galore, zzzz. Busy, busy, busy. On Monday, I have Rihanna's concert which I am super looking forward to and on Tuesday night, I am flying!! Most of my things are in my luggage bags already. I only have some toiletries and essentials out. All set!

I realised that in the last few days, I have been doing alot of reflection and commentary on the past and have not thought alot about the rest of 2011 other than my work plans. I work hard and I need to play hard too. Hmmm, the holiday to Korea end of 2011 is a good start. I should start planning =).

For sure I need to be jet-setting! As much as I will love my life in Jakarta, I think I need to get out of it once every 3 months. The only trade-off is the money used for travelling can be saved or spent of things that I like. Thus, I will be splitting my income into 5 sections:

Part 1: Savings. Part 2: For my parents. Part 3: Expansion of business. Part 4: Travels. Part 5: Retail. I definitely need to work on Part 1 primarily as I am starting and having a base saving is important for my security. Part 4 and 5 is actually more like a reward once the business is running smoothly.

The possibilities are endless! I finally get to be who I am meant to be: the boss, owner, buyer, retailer, shop owner, model, spokes person, socialite and mogul fabulosity (like Kimora, lol). Can't wait to get the moving done and over with and be home in Jakarta!!!! I am all set and there are no excuses.

Start!

2011-03-01T05:16:00.001-08:00

Another cold day. I woke up bright and early this morning... at 10 AM. This is actually a record as I have been waking up at 12- 1 in the afternoon daily!! For some reason, I felt wide awake and energetic! In fear that this feeling may be gone in the afternoon, I ran out to the house and went to the gym!! I braved the cold and it was well worth it.

This time next week, I will be boarding my flight to Jakarta with Malaysia Airlines. I have flown Malaysia Airlines many times, twice on Business Class and the rest on Economy. It is not the best airline but it is great value for money. I remember when I was 18, I will be awake the whole 9 hours in flight, watching the movies. Today, at 24, sadly I will be asleep at least 7 hours of the flight. Zzzzzz. It amazes me what difference 6 years make. I have never in my life the luxury of travelling light. This time again, I will be toting so much hand-carry and my check-in will be maxed out. Damn.....

So many things to do when I am back. I have 16 boxes waiting for me to unbox and store. I am not sure which room I will be occupying at the moment. There are two choices. I can use the office that is currently under-utilized as a storeroom as my office/ storage space. This is not a big room and is on the ground floor of my Jakarta 'manor'. However, it boast great natural light which will be perfect for my drafting and painting. The second option is the reverse. It is located on the second floor and currently under-utilized as a store room too. This room is meant to be a karaoke/entertainment room as it is huge and padded with sound proof wall. It does not have alot of natural light but is ideal as a floor space for my many things, wardrobe and storage. Decisions, decisions...

Right now, me and younger sister are nervously awaiting the answer from the Event Organiser of Thamrin City (a shopping mall). I hope that we have good news tomorrow regarding us being able to reopen our shop there. It has great crowd and is the ideal target market for our current products. I will need to start right away and open shop if we got the ok.

I have to fix my online shop and at the same time, hunt for a physical shop to rent too in the mean time. I have the floor plan all planned out. It will be a simple shop, with the theme white and vintage. Display items (such as statuettes, trunks and random trinkets) will be spray painted white. There will be a small changing room with white curtains, rows of white racks and two coloured couches. It is very simple yet chic. The hardest part is finding the location for the shop that has great crowd and reputation!

This is truly the most excited and not nervous 'first day' of work I had ever been. It marks a new lifestyle for me! And for that, I have been thinking of a tattoo to commemorate this. Several ideas come to my mind but I think I like a band on my left leg, just right above my ankle. In the band, i would like 'Faith, Hope, Love' to be inscribed in it. This is a verse from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:13 that says 'Three things will last forever-- faith, hope and love-- and the greatest of these is love. I have not gone into designing the band yet but I shall look into it.

It is a new start. Be happy for me because I am.

Hello, Goodbye

2011-02-28T05:04:00.000-08:00

The weather forecast was wrong. It is still freezing cold and wet today... and will be cold tomorrow and the day after. I must be part cold-blooded as I don't function fully under the cold. There is no motivation!!

I find it intriguing how it is so easy to start writing about the weather. It is a rather traditional way to write a diary. A blog is like a diary. It can contain journal articles and random thoughts too. A reflection or retrospect that contains highly processed thoughts and ideas.

Is it possible that after all these notes to myself, I find myself back to square one? The lessons learnt, the pain, the hurt and the dilemma. In a moment of weakness, they just diminish, like they never ever happened. Like they don't matter. Later on, I am left with nothing but regret. We comfort ourselves saying that it is a good lesson learnt and next time, we will do otherwise and emerge the victor... not the victim. However, the cycle only continues.

We are who we are. Yet we often want to better ourselves and improve. We play scenarios of our past failures over and over again in our head and we make sure that in those situations, we are doing what we should have done. This only soothes those sleepless nights and provides some hope in our hearts. But, isit really gonna end? In our head when we say enough is enough, is it really... enough?

You ask yourself, 'Am I sadistic? Do I have a problem? Why did I?' There is no answer to these questions. There are no closure. It opened with a 'Hello' but there was never a 'Goodbye'. Why is there never a 'Goodbye'? Yet we so eagerly press on to the 'Hello'. There are so many things left unsaid. So many dreams that are yet to be fulfilled. Isit pride that is at stake? Isit love? It seemed like a never ending battle. And you always the victim, the loser, the forgotten and the forsaken.

There is no 'Goodbye'. There may never be a 'Goodbye'. But we continue this search for the elusive unicorn. And in doing so, we let ourselves slip... into the never ending cycle.

Resolution

2011-02-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

Nine more days!!

Melbourne has really erratic weather patterns. It really annoys and affected me.

On Saturday, it was the hottest day in the past two weeks and thus, I had to stay at home as I don't want to get exposed to the sun. I am an extremely sun-sitive person and exposure to the sun will mean that I need to patch an SK-II mask later in the evening which ain't cheap at $22 a pop.

Sunday, was really cold! It was drizzling too and a miserable day like that, I had to stay home. How can the weather change so much in a span of 24 hours?? Beats me. I am used to it. At least I get to stay at home when the weather sucks. Luckily, according to the weather forecast, the weather will be perfect for the next 3 days. Not too sunny, not too cloudy, not too hot and not too cold.

I realise that I have not thought about my resolutions for 2011! The last month has been full of drama and my initial plans for 2011 turned out to be different. With so much time on my hands, I have thought of some concrete resolutions. I am not sure how achievable they are at this moment but this will serve as a reminder and a goal.

1) To earn AUD$1000 a month equivalent in Jakarta. This is the most basic amount I am going to let myself earn for the next 3 months (March, April and May). I can definitely hit this as I already had invested my capital and ready to go. I will double this amount for the 3 months after this (June, July and August).

It is not alot of money as I earn alot more here in Australia but it is a good start. It is also a lot of money in Indonesia and I am saving on rent and bills as I will be living with my folks.

2) To get my driver's license. Lol I lied to everyone at work that I can drive, but the truth is I am only an L plater. I can drive but I certainly need practice.... and a license. This can be quite challenging as I have someone to drive me around Jakarta everyday and I don't use public transport and traffic in Jakarta is madness, which makes me very unmotivated to learn how to drive. On the other hand, driving is an essential skill in Jakarta, so I will need to learn it. Thus, by June this year, I will be driving!!

3) If I am going to drive, I need to do it instyle. I need a car that is as hot as myself (but of course). I need a cabriolet. I have decided on the car of choice. I am not a big fan of big sedans or vehicles and I am only driving in a city, thus a small fuel efficient car is sensible. An Audi A3 Cabriolet will suit me perfectly. It is not a really cheap car which is why I think it is not a wise choice. A wise choice will be like Honda Jazz or Suzuki Swift. They are Japanese, have high resell value, low maintenance and not very expensive.

Hmmm decisions. I shall strive for the Audi. Not only it is spelled like my name, it fits me more aesthetically. I hope that Santa, who resides in my bank account, will be kind to me in Christmas in 2011.

4) Expansion of my business. I like to rent a shop in a good location where people appreciate it and there is a good flow of crowd. Me and my business partner aka my sister has been researching several spot but they seemed unsuitable. There is this one place that is ideal but the rent is over the roof and too much competitors.

5) Be happy.

I think that is all i hope for now. With my family, it is already a cause for celebration. If i can fulfil these resolutions, it will be 5 cherries on the topping!

I'm The One That I Want

2011-02-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those days where I am glad about my decision for my future. The weather is perfect and it felt really quaint. With no rain or noise to occupy my senses, I feel more strongly that there is nothing here left. I also feel a sudden rush in my heart, that I want to go home as soon as I can. It seems like I am doing time in this prison and awaiting my release on the 8th of March.

'What am I doing here?' I questioned myself. 'Seriously, what the hell am I doing here?' Why didn't I come to a realisation of this earlier? The answer is simple, I was raised in this 'prison'. For those who knows me, they know about me and my family background. I wasn't raised in my real home with my parents, instead. To some, it is like a boarding school that started when I was 6 and ended till I turn 21. To others, it can argued that it is an orphanage. The ironic thing is, my biological parents are alive and well and I see them once or twice a year.

I hated the 'prison'. It is not because I was tortured in it. On the contrary, there was lots of love and support. However, there was no warmth. I hated this lifestyle cycle that repeated itself year after year. Since it was so imprinted in me, I don't know if I should or could end this cycle. I don't want to be living in two different countries where my things are split into two. I don't want to be away from my parents. I want to be a normal person just like the rest. I don't want to be in this 'prison' anymore.

This 'prison' is a mythical land of milk and honey where gold lined the streets. I, too, am convinced. However, gold is not going to give me the warmth that I am deprived of. This day, I realised that I have to forge the key to get out of this 'prison'. I want happiness. If you had read my previous posts, I came from unhappiness to being content. It is a huge achievement!! The me that was then believe that my life was meant to be unhappy. Then, I matured and learnt how to be content. I did not know what happiness was and truly believed that to be content is THE epitome of leading a good life. Only this, I realised that I should be happy.

It is not that being content just wasn't enough anymore. It more like I found a way to be better than being content, by escaping the 'prison'. This feeling is hard to described. It is not that feeling that I made a huge discovery, it is not even a feeling of emancipation. It's more revolutionary. It's like the Egyptians who finally said enough is enough and overthrew their dictator. Epic. Life changing. Monumental. I am leaving the 'prison' and not looking back.

Perhaps one day I am have the strength and maturity to burn this 'prison' down. For now, I am glad that the deliveryman coming over tomorrow to pick my 16 boxes of 260kg life here in Melbourne back to Jakarta...

Leverage

2011-02-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

The conversation ended with 'Please come back to High Society'.

I believe that everyone is selfish and self-serving by nature. In this life that we are given, we are moulded to believe that we have to take as much as we can. We call that maximising our potential. We exploit the environment and people around us. We call that adaptation and outsmarting the rest. We need to win and losing is not an option. Everything is a competition. Everything is strategised so that at the end, it benefits us. At the end of the day, we don't care about other people's fate as long as I get what I want. It is a bonus if others benefit in your cause.

Sometimes, we perform act of kindness/goodwill that seemed non-profit. It could be us wanting to 'generate some positive PR'. It could also be our conscience making us feel bad about ourselves. So we leverage it with acts of kindness that would otherwise be foolish and non-value adding to ourselves. However, we believe in karma, you see. When we do good with others, others will do good to us. At the end, we are benefited. We remember that others owe us a favor and somehow make sure that it is returned.

Leveraging. It is such a basic human act that even a caveman knew how to barter a stone axe for half a mammoth. Then, he uses the fur to make clothings, use the bones to make tools and the meat to feed his family. Where did he get his stone axe in the first place? He could have earned it somehow, or he could have inherited it.

Inheritance, like good hair, is a God given attribute. A person with some inheritance can leverage it for more. Still, some of my friends have yet learnt to fully leverage their inheritance. They pride themselves in their independence. They have friends who had no inheritance that are hard working, supporting themselves and succeeding in their career. It is enviable. They want to succeed from their own capabilities. Yet, they had forgotten something.

People with inheritance are different from people with no inheritance. People with no inheritance sometimes have that extra organ which enables them to push through hardships and they want it more than others. This self-serving ability is nurtured since young. Thus, when we think fondly of the friends that are succeeding with their own accord, they are probably rather uncommon and they have that extra organ.

People with inheritance will find it hard to compete with these other people if they don't leverage their inheritance. Some of them end up succeeding at the end without the leverage, but if they leverage, chances of success soar. It is just how we are meant to be. That inheritance, is our extra organ.

I have actually just grasp this concept recently. I think it will raise alot of eyebrows but it certainly have a seed of truth in it. It seemed snobbish and irrelevant in today's failing economy. This concept is not even relevant to a majority of people. Perhaps I may be wrong, but I myself will be embarking on a journey of leveraging. I will work that inheritance organ hard to multiply what I am given.

The Perfect World

2011-02-19T08:40:00.000-08:00

Often times, I would mention the perfect world or the perfect situation in conversations. In a perfect world, this and that will happen. In a perfect situation, that will occur. Yet, I don't recall that perfect outcome ever. The world is not perfect, so why would there be a perfect outcome?

I am a natural cynic. I am not a pessimist, just cynical. This explain why I never win anything as I am too cynic to be in the draw. I find the winners fascinating. I often wonder how did they win, what trick or method did they use to attain the win. Is it luck perhaps? As much as I like to believe in Lady Luck, I don't. I won't bother entering into a 'luck' draw or buy lottery or submit to win a prize. I did the math in my head and if my chances are under 50%, I probably won't be the 'lucky' one out of 100++ participants to win.

Still, I believe in hard work. If I work hard enough, I may win something. Yet, I often indulge in the thought of entering this perfect world where I always win. This perfect world does not exist and may never exist, still, I have a very clear concept of what it is.

A perfect world is not a selfish one where I had conjured up for myself to be the sole winner and everyone else become the losers. In this perfect world, everybody wins! In addition, my perfect world is different from another person's. However, it is so perfect that it does not affect or influence another's perfect world. It is like a micro-planet. One could say it is comparable to Heaven, the promised land and Nirvana as we have read in books. The only difference is, it is Heaven on Earth. Here is my perfect world starting with the easy and attainable features of my perfect world:

In my perfect world, there is always a cake and a roast chicken in the fridge. This is easy as I do have this habit making sure two of my favourite things are readily available when I want them. In my perfect world, I have an enormous gallery room where I house my favourite things, paintings, wardrobe and products. If you have been to my room, you would realise that it is filled with things from one corner to another. A bedroom with just a bed and nothing else would be a nice change. I can still get to this when I become extremely wealthy and have my big house to store my many more things to come =).

In my perfect world, I have the ability to teleport. I can be anywhere in the world in a blink of the eye. This seemed impossible now but I have faith in the future, such technology will exist. Something along the lines with transporting our nano cells from one spot to another via electricity. However, in this perfect world, only I can do it and no one knows about it. In my perfect world, I can go invisible, go through walls and turn into any living creature as I pleased. This feature seemed far-fetched but I have often thought about it.

In my perfect world, I can heal my wounds in an instant. I can also heal others. In my perfect world, I have wings and I can fly. In my perfect world, I can freeze water into towers to prevent flooding. I can call upon the rain to prevent drought. Perhaps I have watched too many superhero movies. The world will be a slightly better place if I have my perfect world. In fact, it will be perfect.

Still, no matter how cynical I am about life, I can dream. If I can dream, there is hope for humanity!

Two weeks notice

2011-02-18T07:09:00.000-08:00

Two weeks to go!! I love counting down.

Lately I have been sleeping at 3 to 4 AM.... not good. Luckily, I get to wake up late. I am never a morning person. Another plus is Jakarta is actually 4 hours behind, thus I am always up for a chat with my family. I wish I am but from as far as I could remember, I always find it hard to fall asleep and even harder to wake up early. Thus, I am a brunch person! I always envy those people that can fall asleep standing and wake up like they just had a deep sleep, even if it was only for 10 minutes...

Tonight is not a warm night. It is not cold either, however, the air is dead still. Since I don't own an electric fan, it felt like a warmish night as I am semi-sweating. It is nights like these that I wish I have a tent so that I can camp on my yard. The sounds of cricket and drizzle of rain is in order to make such boring nights memorable. Amidst all the drama going on around me, I have to pause to think about my financial status.

Moving so abruptly is not exactly cheap. In addition, I still owe my sister 2 months of rent. Boohoo. Shipping of my bulky yet precious things (see previous blog) will set me back about $700! Cancellation of my mobile phone plan will cost $400. On top of that, I have to pay for my gym membership til 8 June when the contract ends, damn!! That will be another $250. Then, I have my one way ticket home which is $550 and I still have to pay off my credit card which is currently on $700.

CRAP!!! It means I need $4000!!! Where am I going to find $4000 (see previous blog for reasons why)??? Damnnnnnnn. I am a pay check to pay check liver... how am I going to have money when I have no pay check? Damnnn, why is everything so expensive in this world? $4000 can feed an African family for a year!!! And that included rent and electricity bills!

If only I had some kind of sponsor, like sugar sponsor lol. Haizzz, that is never an option anyway as I had wished for one for a long time and it never come to fruitation. Oh well, I should focus on my 2011 resolution and rewards for now.

Stay tuned!

The Packing Order

2011-02-16T03:06:00.000-08:00

I have been packing in the last few days. Twelve boxes, about 20 kg each... Packing my life here away. How did I end up with over 200 kg of stuff? Note that these does not include furnitures!!!

Just clothing alone make up 130 kg at least!! Dayuuummmmmm. The packing doesn't end!! My wardrobe is like a bottomless pit... How the hell did I store so many things in my teeny tiny room???

I have a box of my formal wear, a box of my denim and casual wear, a box of things I will be selling, a box of bags, two boxes of shoes, two boxes of books and stationery, two boxes of skin care and perfume, a box of my toys, a box of winter wear and I reckon there will be at least 2 to 3 more boxes when I finally finish packing, zzzzzzzzz. The shipping dude is gonna be shocked when he comes over next Friday (and my precious things shall arrive in Jakarta the Friday after, the 5th of Feb).

Packing actually is rather draining and tiring. Strangely enough, it is not emotional at all, as I put my things into a box and the next time I see them, I will be in a new country, starting a new life. Can't wait...

Memento

2011-02-12T06:25:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day that I have finally gotten used to the idea that I will be moving to Jakarta. I was spending the day in Melbourne city with a friend of mine. I noticed the newly renovated Myer City store is about a 100 times cooler than what it was. I also noticed that Zara is making its way to Australian shore. It made me wonder what will I be missing out if I did move. Well, malls in Jakarta are about a million times cooler than the celebrated Chadstone Westfield. And every mall in Jakarta is 'equipped' with Zara and more! Yet, there is a certain nostalgia when I think of Melbourne.

No matter how I had been, Melbourne is part of my life and for the past 10 years. Thanks to my struggles, I had learnt how to take care of myself, anticipate what life threw at me and find the little joys to sustain myself. I had learnt not to complain, to adapt and be a chameleon if I had to. Perhaps I have had enough of conforming to the standards. There were times when my principles and morality were compromised. I lose myself from time to time in this crowd. I think it is time is place my feet back to the ground... in Jakarta.

I will miss Melbourne, but Australia changes at snail speed and 5 years later, when I do visit again, I doubt that the Melbourne then will be much different to the Melbourne today. Still, I have decided to start taking pictures of the Melbourne I know, as a memento.

It is probably the first time I am working my Blackberry camera as well. The train station that I go everyday, the bench, the scenery, the train ride, the city, my house, the suburbs that I love, my university, my previous work place, my old house and the house before that, the park I frequent, the beach, the streets and many more, I want to remember them. I am taking photos of them all and keeping them. They will all be part of me. It feels like a game of Monopoly and after rolling the dice, I am about to Pass Go (and collect $200 yay!).

Quarter Life Crisis

2011-02-11T07:03:00.000-08:00

I can hear the clock ticking inside my head.

I am turning 25, soon. The last time I wrote a blog is more than a year ago. Recalling those times, I was so spirited, only 23 years old and turning 24. Have you even wondered if numbers ever make a difference to ones age? If you ask me, I'd say yes! Despite botox and your trusty plastic surgeon, the numbers don't lie!!

When I think of someone who is young and entitled to carelessness in his/her life, i think someone who is 24 years old... or under. It is such a nice number and perfect age to be. At 24, you have just gotten over your teenage self and finally get used to being a young adult and society. You are fresh faced and full of hope. You still have great plans... one which my included world domination. Then soon enough (and time really flies when you are 24), you turn 25 (*screams!!!).

When you turn 25, the romantics of being a young individual entitled to careless and carefreeness ENDS! It just do.

Being 25 is old. Not like geriatrics old... but more so you-are-responsible-for-your-life old. When you tell someone you are 25, they will be thinking 'oh you must be independent now, working professional who is saving for a property, paying off your car and planning to get married in the next 4 years tops'. Lol, at least that is what I would think, so someone should shoot me in the head cos I am no where near there.

At 25, some may say that I facing a quarter life crisis. I think I prefer the idea that I am just doing a reality check. Well, in case you are wondering what I had been babbling all about, this is my situation:

After living in Melbourne for almost 10 years, I have decided to move back to Jakarta for good. The irony is that it is a completely unplanned decision and I just got back from Jakarta 4 days a after a 3 months.... retreat/ retirement. I left my previous job (where I werked-it for 2.5 years) and came back to Melbourne with the hopes of embarking on a new adventure.

Alas, I realised that in the 10 years that I have been living in Melbourne, the number of times I was truly happy are few. I was sad. I am sad. Lonely is probably more accurate. Then I made new friends in this totally new place but they all left Australia soon enough. And it is not just loneliness. It had coupled itself with homesickness, perpetual darkness and coldness thanks to the climate in Melbourne. I realised that I could cope with these quite well..... by spending money on myself to make my life less miserable.

My wish-list runs amok!! If you have read my previous articles, you will be impressed by my retail feat! I have everything!!!! Diamonds, gold, Macbook, 12.5 pixel camera, a whole Gucci store, impressive wardrobe, so much shoes, a whole row of parfums, my trusty Blackberry, new this, new that. It got up to the point that a $7000 watch is nothing to me!! Somebody has to stop me!!! I am not a materialistic person by nature. I buy all these things not because I like to show them off... in fact, I rarely bring them out in front of people. I buy them to make myself happy. It is my way to loving myself. The result: NIL SAVINGS!!

So there I am, 2 days in Melbourne and decided that there is nothing here in Australia for me. If I am unhappy and have no savings... why am I still here? Note that I am turning 25 and at 25, one assumes to be 'oh you must be independent now, working professional who is saving for a property, paying off your car and planning to get married in the next 4 years tops'.

There is still hope for me! I am a month and a bit away from 25!! I can still make it! I can still become independent, a working professional who is saving a property, paying off my first car and will be married in 4 years (or 6 years as I have given myself).

Wish me luck people. I shall update more often. And please God, let 25 be kind to me =).

Patron Sale, Slut and Sinner‏

2010-01-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone and welcome to year 2010.

For some reason the air smells the same as 2009. Is it supposed to smell differently? With the Copenhagen UN Climate Change Summit and all, is 2010 going to be a better year than 2009? Surely the economy is recovering and everyone is less miserable.
As for me, 2010 will be a year of financial investment, rather than material. I have decided to freeze my assets in the bank and rap interest instead of using it on frivolous purchases such as last year.

Instead of buying, I will be making. I got my trusty 12.5 megapixel digicam and my omnipowerful sewing machine with me, both purchased last year, that I shall put to good use. With these two things, I can rule the world, muahuahuahua. Last year had been a good year to flex my spending prowess and test the market's response to me opening my wallet. It was also a year where I learnt how to survey the marketplace for the best price and hone my patience as I wait upon the savannah before I pounce when sale season begins.

I have less than 2 months to go before I commence my long awaited and well deserved 3 weeks break from work, surrounding myself with the positives of friends and family yay! I can't help but wonder if they will feel that I have somewhat changed when they see me again. Will they think that I am now taller, faster, better, stonger (like the Daft Punk song)? Or will they think that I am the same old person, except perhaps more beautiful and youthful now. Some of these friends, I have not seen in 2 years! Some even more than that! That's a long time I would say, in today's vibrant and fast paced society. So many things to look forwards to, so much food to eat!

For 2010, I will be more thickskinned and tough! The world is becomeing more and more bitchy as I get older, thus I will have to be fierce! I am still deciding whether to get a tattoo in KL. In case you are wondering, it is the head of a tiger. Then I am planning to a trip to Guang Zhou, Hong Kong and Macau around August 2010! My younger brother is currently based in Guang Zhou, learning Chinese language, culture and history, so the trip will be fabulous!!!

Another of my new year resolution is to meet new people and make new friends. Preferably if they are rich and beautiful too hehe but I am trying not be be shallow and be more accepting of others. I have decided to re-debut into society and am determined to put my name on the 'list'.

Getting a Blackberry phone and a MAC laptop next week, yesh! Other than that, the title of this post has nothing to do with its content.

But I Will Never Do Me Wrong‏

2009-12-15T03:08:00.000-08:00

A rainy cold night, on a December start. Listening to Adele's Make You Feel My Love.
It is nights like these that I feel truly alone. A pure solitude, a road that I am walking alone.
It is nights like these that the unfinished businesses come out to play in my mind.Nights like these are depressing, painful, slow and bad.
Yet nights like these make me cherish the happy days, where I have sunshine and smiles.Nights like these gives me the strength and motivation to face tomorrowAnd live it to 110%.

Recently, I feel that I have been rushing this year to end. I realised this after spending some time in Sydney, away from it all here.There is still 20 days left to December but already I have had enough of this year.20 days... 20 days... 20 days.
What can I achieve in 20 days?There are still parts of me that feels unsatisfied, unfulfilled and it is unacceptable.This artikelen is mostly for myself.
I hope God give me something in this one last 20 days.Firstly there is the New Years Resolution that I have yet to establish.

I personally feel that 2010 will be THE year that I settle some old issues.I will turn 24 years old next year. A year which makes me a 'real' adult, whether I like it or not.This adult-to-be is actually 4 months away since my birthday falls on March.Perhaps this year was a preliminary test/ test fun for adulthood.I learnt that I am indeed maturing, getting stronger mentally and defining myself.This year, I have lived without much consequences, lived hastily But it was a year where I felt content for the first time ina long time.
Next year, I must live.

Live and not just drone through day by day.I really hope that I can make new friends. Different people. Different friends.I hope that I can get accepted in Qantas's Flight Attendant Programme.I know that this may mean drifting away from solid gound, literally and figuratively,
But this year had taught me that it will be good for me to drift away a little bit.
I seemed to thrive on it, exposing me to new territories that make me uncomfortable enpowers me.I must admit that they can be unbearable and uncomfortable, but that is when i get to practice my adaptation.

Thus, plans for this 20 days is to gather my thoughts to strategise for next year.Find my targets and goals, make my bow, sharpen my arrow and start practice shooting.
Perhaps Santa will surprise me this Xmas.

The Buys and Byes of Y2009

2009-12-03T04:20:00.001-08:00

December the 3rd, 2009. Who would have seen this day coming? Oh what a glorious 'daiye' it was. The morning was lazy, Yum Cha brunch at the wonderful Chinatown (but of course), caught a new movie Twilight: New Moon, people watching at Bondi (oh! hello) and yes, I was and still am in Sydney. The highlight of today was rubbing shoulders and taking photos with a man I sleep with everyday (oh the scandal!!).

No, I am serious, I have been sleeping with Peter every night, literally. Peter Alexander that is, the Aussie designer guru whose sleepwear range I adore and sleep in! If you thought that the 'sleeping with' was in a twisted Gossip Girl scandal drama way, you are so wrong (you dirty-minded douche). Peter was in his Bondi store doing his charity run for RSPCA when I was in store. I quickly recognised him and went up to him to tell him how much I love his Lygon Street store in Melbourne, which is a stone's throw away from my house. Then a photo session commenced, with me leaving the store a happy customer.

Well, since it is a glorious night, and I am feeling particularly inspired to 'type', as my mate has so graciously lent me his 15 inch MacBook Pro (so awesome, can't wait to get my claws on one), I decided to gather my thoughts of this year and put them in words. You can see it as a celebration of many many wonderful achievements this year, you can see it as a young man's journey in his life, or you can see it as an artikelen where I boast about myself (again...), whichever one you see fit, you are... correct.

So this year started rather insignificantly. Already I have a job, so the future does not seem uncertain and exciting and unpredictable. Already I am independent from my wealthy parents, thus every payday and every purchase is a victory. Already I have money, so my wardrobe is still going through puberty and rapidly expanding. Already I am becoming more beautiful, with my strict gym schedules, dermatologist appointments, good rapport with my hair stylist and the zone diet. So, at the start of the year, I wondered,what is there then? Being a humble good citizen of Earth, I also started being eco-chic and immerse myself in yoga and meditation to better the universe. Then it occurred to me.... I need to be better, like in every way that I can.

I decide to find myself. Find that someone who was lost in all the craziness (or lack of) or the past 8 years of my life. The mediocrity, the vain, the laziness, the hopelessness, the helplessness and lack of focus of the past 8 years. These I have to say goodbyes to. The people that drags me down, I have to sail away from them to. Sail sail sail as far away as I can (good riddance... thank you Lord Jesus Christ for supplying the speedboat). The people that pulls me up, I have to connect and reconnect with them, in multiple levels and not just one. Some goodbyes may be good but some are regrettable. I must admit that I am still currently working on this, as it is not easy when other people are involved (so much drama). Yet, I have established more really good new friendships, with people whom actually care and will go that extra mile to help me when I need them.

As for the 'buys', they are inanimate and inhuman, thus, being a professional shopaholic, I have learnt that I NEVER have to pay full price. And i score 10 out of 10 in this segment! Being tech and market savvy has gained me many procurements and investments, usually obtained when their prices are at their lowest (thus their value can only rise after). I have bought my first PSP (after I sold my old DS right before the new model comes out and the old model's value plummet), bought my first Digicam, bought my first sewing machine (worth $900 but i got it form $400), bought my first furnitures, bought my first Automatic Horlogerie (retails at $3500), expanded my Gucci collection to an impressive amount, obtained many bits and bobs that I had so desired in the past, gone on multiple holidays to new cities and countries, got my first Business class ticket back home, sold my old iPod (right before the new one comes out), going to get my first Mac laptop, put together a fabulous closet where most clothes I have not even wore/debut as yet and many many more which I shall not mention as they may start boring you.

The main point is, all these I have obtained with on my own. I am not expecting a Nobel price or an Oscar for it, but as far as 2009 is concerned, I am feel like a winner. Surely there are many more things I desire, a Porsche, my own house, a better career, more free time, more good mates, more more more, but for now, I am a very very content 23 year old (although I look more like an 18 year old now).

Thinking back, there was this dude whom used to be my friend. We had not spoken in years and just the other day, dude msn-ed me. We exchanged courtesy and chatted for a bit. The sad thing is that dude assumed that I was the same person that I was in the past. I felt insulted at first, then felt sorry for him as I realised that I should not blame him for assuming that, as he IS still the same old person as he was years ago. Lame. Then again, I have dude to thank for as it was all part of my growth. Everything that had happened in the past (good or bad) had contributed to the me today. I always get the last laugh.

Soooooooo.... what's new for next year? If I sound like I am on top of the world already in the above, then 2010 will be dull.

Nope, that is a bad mentality to have. Next year will be more exciting. More achievements. More procurements. There is still so many things I desire. So many growths in my character that I like to see. So many new faces I want to meet. Perhaps a relationship with someone might be nice (I am still Single N UNavailable at the moment though). More experiences, new countries to go to, get closer to my families, more people to save, more 'eco' to be chic about, more scandals, more drama, more of the good and the bad (and learning life lessons from the bad of course).

2010, minimalist is out, more is the new more.

Courvoisier or the Patrón?‏

2009-10-23T22:46:00.001-07:00

With October drawing to an end and the prospect of November and December flying pass in a flash (like they always do), it dawned on me that the time to bid sayonara to 2009 has arrived. It has been a short year indeed, unlike its 2007 and 2008 cousins. However, 2009 has been sweet.

I travelled to more places in this year than I expected to. I definitely spent more money than I wished I had. I have learnt alot, studied alot, played alot. I have ticked off so many things that was in my 2009 New Years Resolution List. I have made many friends and also come to know me as a person better. However, there were ups and downs, speed bumps and wet blankets along the way too. Yet, I had found strength to focus on the positivities in my life and ignore (literally) the negativities.

I think I have outdone me this year. Some may crack open a French Champagne but for me, I can't decide between the Courvoisier or the Patrón. My Gucci collection grew and grew, the way I love it to. I am enjoying my work and getting much benefits from it. I love my family. I am glowing and looking more and more beautiful and younger with each passing day.

I am living for the moment. Yay!

The Tale of an Onion

2009-09-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there lived a onion.

As time goes by, layers and layer of the onion peeled off.

In the end, the onion was no more.

Death Becomes Me

2009-08-10T05:34:00.000-07:00

"I wonder when had I died. Is it years and years ago when that unfortunately incident happened? OR isit years ago when that happened. OR isit just days ago?

It does not matter now as to when had I died. All that mattered is that I am now dead....

Yet death never cease to haunt me. My healed wounds was deliberately reopened, ravaged by those who mock me while my wails and cries were completely drowned. Constantly raped by these demonic waves. Struggling to gaina foot hold but always slipping and falling back to square one.Why? Have I not suffered enough? Have I not been humiliated and insulted enough?

I know for sure that I have had enough. Thus, I took death in with a welcoming embrace. I let it wash over me like a holy waterfall. I took death face on, staring at its cold hard eyes, unrelentlessly. I know for sure as well that I will never be the same, with each and every death, I grow stronger.

I become more immune and more resilient. It was at the lowest point of my 'death' that I know that things will take a positive turn. One day, I shall overcome death itself. I shall be a changed being. I may not be me anymore, but after so many deaths, I am but pure."

AS many times as one listens to Mary J. Blige's (that girl can sing!) No More Drama, the song seemed to touch different emotional levels at different times. In some way, the dead and depressed will sing along side MJB, promising themselves and swearing to some unknown entity that they WILL have 'no more drama' for their life. That they will take the lesson, albeit painful, into their stride and learn from it. Other times, the cheerful will sing along MJB in celebration of their strengthened life. That they have never felt so thankful as they are now 'free from all their pain'.

Like them, I have sang along MJB many times. Most of the time, I struggle to hit the notes she does, but that is not the main point. Every lyrics struck a note in my heart. When MJB went 'I don't know, only God knows where my story ends, but me I know where my story began' I can't help but scream a little hallelujah in my heart. It was then I realised that the song is not for one who broods about the past, but for one who is ready to face the future and move on.

Moving on is not an easy thing. Wounds take time to heal. And more easily, the reopen as old memories haunt us. Why can't we drop these wounds like we do in the toilet... and move on?? Must we build an inpenetratable wall that will not allow hurt and pain and suffering to touch us? Must we turn our heart into solid ice? If that is the case, is it better to live and love and hurt, or isit better to be a zombie no longer capable of trust and love?

For now, I am with MJB, for there will be No More Drama in my life...

Watcha Lookin' At!!‏

2009-07-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

Pale white skin (BB creme and company), blood red lips (Dior rouge palette). Volumnous brunette (L'oreal systeme professional), sunken in cheekbones (fat loss and muscle gain thanks to gym) and thick eyebrows (Adele eye brow growth gel). All these seemed to complement my hazel eyes. That is why in my previous artikelen, I had mention my procurement of Dior rouge palette and my plans to take out my wisdom tooth this coming March in order to give me a more pronounced cheekbone. Some say I have just ripped off the image of Twilight vampires. Others say that I am simply a superficial person but I couldn't care less.

They say that when a boy finally learn to turn a blind eye to all the toys and temptations around him and focus on getting an investment haute horlogerie, he had finally become a man. The 'they' I had just referred to is actually me when I was inebriated. I have finally become a man indeed. Never have the prospect of an investment timepiece been much of an interest to me. Even though it is a very European thing to be (i.e. t-shirts, shorts and slippers but impressive wristwatch), I have never taken much notice on the history, culture and manufacture of a watch, whether it is Swiss or Japanese made. But now, I do.

I always knew that my dad had a multi-diamond Rolex that he got when he was in Geneva in the 1980s. My dad had a factory then that worked closely with manufacturers in Europe. The memory of me running around the machineries int he factories during a non-working Sunday still remains as clear and sweet as then. I have seen this watch a couple of times too when my dad decided to take it out of his safe and use it for an event. It is gold and bling. My mom had one too that is made of gold and rubies and diamonds acluster! These facts alone did not intrigue me as during that time, G-Shock and Baby-G was the epitome of wrtistwatch glam. Then, as years went on, I became more interested in other means of accessorissing oneself.

However, in the past few months, I was introduced to a world of quartz and self-winding metal pieces by my dear friend Alv. He had catalogues of Maurice Lacroix and Bvlgari in his bedroom too, for he is planning to get one this coming March. I knew at first that it is a heftly investment as these timepieces starts at $2,000. For young and hip working professionals like us, such investment seemed almost unwise. On the other hand, the more I think about it, the more feasable and necessary it is. My uncle has a gold Longines that I always thought to be very chic. There is also something very mature and sophisticated own one and wear it almost 24-7. Then, I thought that it is time for me to get an investment time piece for myself, one that hopefully I can pass on to my future son.

The search begins. After much research, I gave myself a budget of $4000. I was first met with two options, quartz battery or automatic. Automatic for me of course. I like the way they show case the skeleton of the watch in sapphire crystal casing. It looks so cool. I also like the idea that the watch DO NOT share the same organs as a Fossil or Swatch, but is meticulously made by some old Swiss watchmaker, with gears, nuts and bolts. Being not battery operated, the watch was given life by my daily movements. Lastly, it is a universal truth that automatique is a true investment time piece, on a whole new league to quartz battery one. I insist on an automatic, even though quartz battery one is alot cheaper and almost as useful/accurate as automatic watches.

Being an expensive boy with an expensive taste, I insist that I MUST have diamonds on my watch. Although my meagre $4000 will never ever fetch a Cartier, Chopard or a Philipe Patek, I am sure there are more than a dozen Swiss mades that has thrown in a couple of 0.05 carat diamonds onto a couple of models. Next question is the strap, do I want metal strap, or leather strap, or porcelain? Do I was gold tone, or silver tone, or rose gold metal? Do I want black leather, white leather or brown, or blue? What kind of leather do I want, croc skin would be ideal but i know they are costly. What colour porcelain do I want then keeping in mind not many models carry porcelain case. I have decided on either gold or silver tone metal as it is the most hardy (sweating on leather is not nice).

My favourite Gucci actually has a model with 50 diamonds for a low price of $3500 only (on sale, original price $6500)! I was so thrilled as I thought I have met 'the one'. Set on stainless steel with silver as the face and chronograph too, this 50 diamonded beauty made my mind float through clouds of images with me werking it. Massive sale price too as I made friend with the Japanese shop assistant at Duty Free. However, I was pulled back to Earth when I relaised that the watch is NOT automatique but quartz battery operated. I was shattered! I am Romeo who was so devastated that my Juliet had died! Urghh the pain...

The pain intensifies when I learnt that Gucci has an automatique chronograph watch BUT one without diamonds! Dayum!! If I am Frida Gianinni, I would design one that is automatique, chronograph AND diamond! There is still hope however, as I am thinking of getting the wacth only May 2010. The new collection will be out then, so hopefully they would release that. The price will hopefully not be be that causes me misery too. I am also looking out for Maurice Lacroix and Longines model that fits my criteria. Thus, the search continues and I am keeping my eyes on watch(es).

Back to Black

2009-07-31T06:33:00.000-07:00

*Trumpets*

*Drumrolls*

*Cymbals clash*

I'm back. As I wave to the crowd with my faithful assistant Alice...

Alice, as many of you have known, is a Gynoid, model number GCX-003. As a vampire, having a mortal battle partner is not ideal as mortal bodies break down with time. A robot, on the other hand, is upgradable as time passes. A robot popses no temptation to me as well, although the more time I spend with Alice, the more I find 'her' appealing to my senses. Thanks Alice for pre-posting the 2 artikelens. I hope you enjoy them.

So... ok... granted that due to the world economic recession, everyone has been tight in their pockets. The aftermath of the recession will surely continue change everyone's perception of money and now, people are begining to save up for rainy days. I, myself, have seen a 50% drop in my business alone and now, the store has quiet days that you can hear/ hallucinate noises. That is a $400 loss for me every month at least =(!~! However, I dun understand why my ass have to suffer. Every morning, i do my, ahem, 'business' at the Emirates Building because it is close to my store and their building and toilet is so luxe and posh (thanks to the Sultan of Dubai). I refuse to use the toilets at the cafe nearer to my store or the backpackers that is like 10 steps away. This is because they are uncouth and their toilet can get dirty and the most important reason is that their toilet paper is comparable to sandpaper.

So getting back to the point, I realised with my sense of touch that the Emirates Bulding toilet changed their toilet paper as of last week!!! No longer is the soft and pillowed plush toilet roll used!! In order to cut back operating cost due to the recession, they decided to downgrade to a cheaper, not as plush toilet roll!!!!! URGHHH, me no no happy. Me ass no no happy. Well the new toilet paper is not sandpaper (fortunately), but, it is surely not the featherlite angelic quality it was in the past.

August is ordained to be a month where I cannot spend money. I am way behind my savings plan and August will be able to rectify that. I am panned out what I am going to procure after that all to the to March 2010 for my birthday. Things would have been must easier if a bag of $30,000 drop on me one day, but that will be no fun at all. Instead, hard work and its resulting rewards suits my personality more.

Classes start as of 23rd August, which is in a few weeks time and I cannot wait! I hope that I will learn much, like I did in the previous subject, as I had to fork out $320 for the class alone. I also have to pay $400 for my flights to Auckland. For September, I am deciding on either a parfum or a sunglasses from Gucci, depending on how much I have to spare. For October, I shall not do any major procurement as the New Zealand North Island trip will certainly burn a small hole in my Italian wallet. I am getting a digital cameral too, Canon IXUS100. I have not decided on the colour yet but the Black one caught my eyes.

November will be ordained to be a month where I cannot spend money too. This is because December will be a big month for me. I am going to Sydney to visit my dear friend for a couple of days. This ensures lots of shopping although my friend was graciously kind enough to accommodate me in his place. I am thinking of getting either a Gucci belt (white colour Guccissima) or a Gucci loafer in Sydney. I will be getting the SKII Facial Treatment Essence too. Although they cost more than gold in terms of per weight, I am sure it will be well worth it in terms of skinvestment. I am getting the Dior Homme balm too as my current one from is destined to run out by then. I am still contemplating in getting the Dior rouge palatte. I shall explain this the next time around.

January and February 2010 will no doubt be as eventful, if not, more than 2009. Indeed I am getting myself a Macbook for my 24th birthday!! It's time to burn my current computer which is turning 8 next year. Then the month of March 2010, I will be in Kuala Lumpur, Singapore and Jakarta! I am flying Business Class too, coutesy of Malaysian Airlines!!! Getting a tattoo in the city of KL too. I have contacted the tattoo artist from a reputable place where tourists and expats frequent! I am getting my wisdom tooth extracted too. I shall explain the critcality of this act the next time around too.

Seems like this artikelen is short and rushed. I shall make it up in details the next one.

Glad to be back... to black.

Excerpt: Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love when she met Anne Rice

2009-07-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

I wish Daymian would kiss me.

Oh, but there are so many reasons why this would be a terrible idea. To begin with, Daymian is many years younger than I am, and, like most young vampire, they are non-commitant and have weak blood. These facts alone make him an unlikely romantic partner for me, given that I am a five century old vampire, who has just come through a loss of every mortal friends and families around me and a devastating, interminable death of the love of my life (who,a vampire like myself in this case), followed immediately by a passionate love affair that ended in sickening heartbreak. This loss upon loss has left me feeling sad and brittle and about three hundred years old. Purely as a matter of principle I wouldn't inflict my sorry, busted-up old self on the lovely, unsullied Daymian. Not to mention that I have finally arrived at that age where a man starts to question whether the wisest way to get over the loss of one beautiful brown-eyed young man is indeed to promptly invite another one into his bed. This is why I have been alone for many years now. This is why, in fact, I have decided to spend this entire year in celibacy.

To which the savvy observer might inquire: 'Then why did you come?'

To which I can only reply—especially when looking across the table at handsome Daymian— 'Excellent question.'

Daymien is of my kind, and the vampiric clan is diminishing rapidly. That sounds like an innuendo, but unfortunately it's not. All it really means is that we meet a few evenings a week here to practice each other's powers and abilities. I teach him the way of our kind, in multitude of languages, and I am patient with him; then we speak in English, and learnt the ways of man. I discovered Daymian a few weeks after I'd arrived, thanks to my highetened sense of smell, across the street from that fountain with the sculpture of that sexy merman blowing into his conch shell. He (Daymian, that is—not the merman) had just fed from a drunk and was obviously not powerful enough to conceal his scent from me; for he lacks practice. Right beside his appeal was his facial features, with the same depth, word-for-word almost identical in every way, right down to the lip, to the no deceased love of my life. The only difference was the hair style.

Using my keen intuitive powers, I telepathed him, asking in inquisitively, "Are you perhaps of the Blood?"

It was Daymian who replied this very provocative message: "Even better."

Yes—much better. Tall, dark and handsome identical twenty-five-year-old young vampire, as it turned out, with those giant brown liquid-center eyes that just unstitch me. After we exchange words, I began to wonder if perhaps I should adjust my rule somewhat about remaining celibate this year. For instance, perhaps I could remain totally celibate except for keeping a handsome twenty-five-year-old as lover. Who was also slightly reminiscent of a friend of mine whom I had once love, and still do till today, but nonetheless ... I was already composing my letter to Penthouse:

In the flickering, candlelit shadows of the Roman café, it was impossible to tell whose hands were caress—

But, no.

No and no.

I chopped the fantasy off in mid-word. This was not my moment to be seeking romance and (as day follows night) to further complicate my already knotty life. This was my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude.

Notes On A Clothing Rack

2009-07-25T03:47:00.000-07:00

Ralph Lauren once famously said 'I don't design clothes. I design dreams.'

How true.

In a cosmopolitan world that we live in, amongst the cold concrete lawns, towers of vertical glass and masses of metallic wheels, dreams can be reduced to be no more than a myth. No longer are dreams hiding in between cracks of rock formations. No longer are dreams perched upon a tall tree, where they find themselves singing with the tweetering of the birds. No longer are dreams floating naturally as the ocean breeze caress them gently. No longer can dreams be found externally.

Our only consolation comes from the inside... of our wardrobe.

My philosophy of 'Make wardrobe, not war.' stands very firmly as one of my core values in llife.
We only have two legs, why not put something that everyone loves on it?
Some people might think that I am housing a materialistic monster inside of me, but who are they to judge when the world is superficial in its make?
This philosophy comes from a good place inside me. A cumulation of personal experience and acquired taste that I am very willing to share, to make the lives of others better and this world... a better place ultimately.

The male silhouette has changed over the years. It is a natural occurrance, since the female form has changed from the curvy (i.e. Marilyn Monroe), to the waif (i.e. Twiggy), to the Amazonian (i.e. Linda, Cindy, Naomi, Claudia & Christy), to the baby doll on sticks (i.e. Gemma, Sasha, Lily & Natasha) today.

Back in the 90s, the all-American look seemed to define what a male model is with New York emerging as a major force in Fashion and Calvin Klein is call of existance for male models. Today, a slim lined male figure is the ideal. Toned and tasteful marked a maturity in Men's Fashion. It simply appeals to everyone. It is also very high fashion, androgenous, modern and sophisticated. Of a European standard, these male models can go from all-American (with oil) to couture (with make up).

How then can be encapsulate this dream??? We start small. A step at a time.

Hibernation & Hiatus

2009-06-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody, this is Alice the assistant *bows*.

Currently the writer for this blog is climbing the mountains of Himalayas, in search of himself. Surviving purely goats milk and occassionally mountain mushrooms (such as ling zi) and fresh water salmon (sashimi), he is training his mental and physical at the same time.

He has also been very ambitious in tacking a 12 piece collection. Thus in the mean time, shall be progressive, instead of reflective and not write. Alice wants to thank everyone for their support till now, on behalf of her belowed master.

Hopefully he will be back with new materials, and a new found self that is taller, better, faster and stronger. Watch this space *bows*

ComeDi DramaDi TrageDi RemeDi

2009-06-11T02:42:00.000-07:00

So before this drama queen turn into a tragic queen due to boredom, remedy needs to take place!!! Pronto!
I am channeling my unused energy to something productive. Something that I have been wanting to do for a long time.
Something that I need to do but can't be bothered to start as once I start, my head will be down till I finish
and I forget about the world around me. Since this winter will be cold and miserable anyway, I shall officially start.

Just in case you are wondering what I am starting on...
It is NOT sending my friends mean sms to 'feign' that I am angry with them in oder to get some drama happening (although it is fun though). It is NOT channeling 'Gossip Girl' and be all bitchy and oh-so-much-drama! It is NOT chatting with random strangers on the cyber and have hot conversation with them whilst pretending to be a second year innocent architecture student who wants to 'explore'. And it is certainly NOT keeping myself occupied with the aftermath of the recession and counting my pennies.

I certainly have been lazy recently. I need to do it for the sake of my future, since I will need an impressive portfolio to be chosen for future school ESMOD anyway.

It is... coming out with a new collection on paper. Certainly something that I have been procrastinating and putting off for a while. I had previosuly tried to design a resort line for Summer/Spring, but my lack of drawing skills impede my inspiration flow. But now, with my newly equipped skills (that kills), I shall do it! I will be doing Autumn/Winter now as it is more appropriate and I am getting alot of ideas since I am experiencing it now, the cold.. brrr. A 12 piece collection is what I am going for... probably 6 womenswear and 6 menswear that are pret-a-porter. It will have layers and also primary pieces that will take one from work to liesure. Accessories will be wicked! I am certainly including leather gloves, scarves, boots, bags, belts and maybe hats (maybe not). It may be a comprehensive colelction, but I may not do the hat and belt and it is too much detailing.

I am drawing my pattern inspiration from Cranes too. The beautiful bird, crane is long and effortlessly chic. The silhouette will be slim and long despite the thick coats. The result will not be penguin for sure. Can't wait to start now! The colours will be one of the cranes too, with black and white and grey making up them most palatte but with bits of yellow, purple and red. Very tailored, sharp, smart, yet effortless and casual in a way. Yesh, can't wait to start!

Keep warm people....

The Trouble with White

2009-06-07T19:29:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone, sorry for the delay of the new post. I had previously planned the title to be 'All's fair in Love and War', however, as you can see, this was not the title for this post. The title usually serve as a muse for me and that title just cause more writer's block than inspiration.

A couple of things to chat about today. Yes, more recession discussion of course, haha. Ever since my good friend moved to a different country, my life had been vastly simplified. I can recite all my daily activities and all that is to come in the following two weeks. Of course that is partly due to my eidetic memory, but most part of it is actually due to my current boring life. In addition, it is also due to being a tight arse at the moment, as I am tryting to save money and not spend them (thus no going out or buying things that keeps me sanely occupied).

My day-to-day life involved a routine that I MUST follow or else there will be nothing left for me to do. Gym, rest and doing the mere necessities are my life now. My main motivation is getting through day to day activities and spend as little as I can so that this year will end FAST! However, having much planned, I still get bored with the weekly routine. Surely i have benefitted fromt healthy habit and pattern, but here HAD BEEN NOTHING new or spontanious!!!

In addition, the winter blues has got to me. The cold always make me feel sad and unmotivated. Work had been a primary motivation, but with the slowing recession, no one is getting promoted, thus I have lost the focus on it as well. Perhaps I need someone new in my life?

Perhaps it is time to drop me 'Single and unavailable' status. Meet someone new and exciting to spice up my frozen life a bit. The trouble with me is that I like my clean white slate. I view relationships as a distraction to purposes in life, until that purpose is to find THE ONE. But the me now needs a new thing in life. A new flavour. I am bored, I must admit! My life chart has been on a constant for the past months! With material things fabricating my ups and downs, only for a while.

I stood still in this plane, wearing all white, while I witness the people around me experiencing life, moving on and forgettting the mundane. I am jealous.I I want that for now. A new colour in my life.

J'dore Didi‏

2009-05-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

My Gucci pug is here! Finally, yay! I am really impressed with the packaging this time. I often think that Gucci should improve their packaging as their wallet does not come in a cotton felt dust bag but has a box. Their bag comes in this cotton dustbag but it does not come in a box (think shoe box but bigger). The keychain comes in a box, AND a felt cotton dust wrapping cloth! It also includes a booklet that has all the Gucci keychain/ charm collection for the dog series, known as Guccioli. So the pug is named Oliver and I am a proud daddy!

One of my buddy's birthday is around the corner, Dr. Lubeman happy birthday!! He is turning older and wiser. Hopefully the post-teen hormone will calm down a little with the change of age to 24. however, I have often read that male libido is actually at its peak from 22 to 28 years old... how true how true. Sometimes I wonder why people have such high drives. Dr. Lubeman sure has an insatiable appetite. Slim G is also a hornbag. My work mates who are females are always eager to spread it. Maybe it is the norm afterall. Afterall they are young and at their peak, so they just want to spread their seeds all over the world like plants and whales.

Talking about spreading seeds, I have been spreading alot of my smell around the world. No, not pheromones but fragrances in the form of a bottle. I recently procured some Eau de Toilettes as I realised that my collezione is quite limited. I have finally got my claws on the elusive Dior Fahrenheit!!! People either love it or hate it. I happen to quite like it actually.

Then i got myself the Givenchy Homme!! I first used this perfume in my Secondary school years where I recieved a small tester from a magazine. That was years ago when the perfume first launched. I always remembered that smell and now, i finally got it (after many painful years)! The next one that I shall acquire end of June shall be Gucci Pour Homme 2. I am usually not a fan of sequel perfumes, like Dior Fahrenheit has a new generation which called fahrenheit 32 which I am not a fan of and Givenchy released Homme Blue same bottle but Blue coloured and have different notes) after the success of Homme (Red) which me no likey. However, the original Guucci Homme is really heavy and very very classique, which is not my kind of perfume. I kinda like flowery, light and refreshing ones. Exception for Dior Fahrenheit. I also have the Juicy Couture perfume which is sooo intoxicatingly sweet.

Karl Lagerfeld once said, on the launch of his perfume Kapsule, that perfumes are invisible fashion. I simply cannot agree more.
The sense of smell is also the strongest sense to trigger memories. Thus, parfum... Didi j'dore.

I have been seeing alot of people putting up pictures of themselves with cute babies on Facebook. I get quite annoyed when the baby is not related to them at all. It is probably their friend's or their neighbour's friends or some random stranger's baby. However, the glee on the people's face while holding the baby like it is some trophy or must-have accessory never fail to annoy me since they seem to think that THEY ARE THE reason why the baby is so cute. I am like... speechless. The baby probably will suffer from some post-natal traumatic syndrom after being photographed with them.

Goodbye May‏

2009-05-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

Can I have your attention please. It is mid 2009! If you are still wondering where have half the year gone to, you should slap yourself and wake up! *Slap slap slap*

I, for one, am very awake and aware of the passing moments. I actually anticipate 2009 to end as I cannot wait for my next holiday! I am surely not savouring the passing of the seasons as I am turning a blind eye to it. I am currently racing for my next payday to payday. Which means months to months. There is actually another 7 more paydays before 2009 concludes, and with it, a tax return which turns me on (tax re-turns me on)!! Lucky seven!

I really want to get to get a tattoo in Kuala Lumpur, so I have to hit my saving target for end of this year! I really have to start putting my ideas on paper. My top left arm will the victim this time, yay! I am feeling a pentagram to represent wholeness. But i want more than just a pentagram, it will have to have intricate designs that only I can interpret.

On the topic of designs, I will be finishing my Fashion Illustration module today. This class has been fun and informative and I have learnt the secrets to draw fashion figures and clothing representation! It is all about the proportion and exegeration and lengthening of the body.. the longer the better. There is a new class on Collection Production this June 1 but I guess I will give it a pass and only join it the next time which is end of July and start of August.

I think I need time to practice what I learn in the short 5 weeks and really digest it before packing myself with new information from the new class. I have to start drawing my stick figures now. Create some 'models' and pretend that I run a modelling agency. Then, use these models as the standard template to base my collection and clothes upon to showcase them nicely on paper. I think I have to learnt to draw faster too, so with practice, this shall be achieved!

It has been almost two months since my last holiday with my family and friends. It felt like 2 days. Perhaps I have been going too fast. In a way I like it, in a way it is scary as how clock it ticking and I am getting older. Perhaps in this last few moments of May, I should slow down a llittle and enjoy what's left, before I officially say goodbye to May.

Requiem

2009-05-21T04:45:00.000-07:00

In a cold night after work and class. I was making my way home. The night is free and I have nothing planned. Faces passed by me but i can only see mine. I smiled at the moon and thought to myself, thank God its Friday. Finally a time to unwind and relax. At the corner of Queensbury and Lygon Street, I switched off my mobile phone, and wandered into the 'vortex' of me-time.

At the back of my mind, I know that tomorrow will be a big day. One of the biggest actually in years. One of my 'old friend' is visiting Melbourne, and I have the honours to show him and his girlfriend around town. I guess the term 'old friend' is appropriate. It will not be technically correct to call him a close friend as we have not spoke or meet up in years. It is does not feel right to call him an acquaintance too since we were good friends in the past.

Then, it struck me. An encounter with God years ago.

Throned in between 7 angels, a pair of all knowing eyes looked into me and a breeze reminded me Matthew 7:7 'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you'.... But then He added 'Only in time.' My first reaction was that I have absolutely no idea what that means. But now, I do.

Things, material or immaterial, that I always wanted, I asked, and in time, I received.... time and time again. However, it only struck me with the coming of this old friend. Years ago, I had often played it in my head the wonderful scenarios of my friends visiting Melbourne and the potential fun and joy that will bring. It is a new world tp me then and I really like to have the opportunity to show my friends what it is like to be me. I had often requested this prayers to be answered. Eventually, I lost this idea as I lose frequent contact with my friends. Then, all of a sudden, years later, the prayer is answered.

At first, I was surprised was I had not expected it. Then, I questioned my anticipation. I do look forward to finally play the role and re-enact the 'wonderful scenarios of my friends visiting Melbourne and the potential fun and joy that will bring' that was on repeat in my head years ago. But to be frank, there was no butterflies, not much excitement, not much anticipation and not as much joy as expected. Nevertheless, I did have a good time bringing them about town. I am sure they had fun too (of course since it is me bringing them around).

The thing is, after having some conversation with old friend, I realised is how much I have changed. Or more correctly put, evolved and metamorphosized since I am always me... but getting better and better. I also realised that I am alot more mature in terms of my expectations and ideals. The me of the past had learnt from childishness and naivity. It also made me realised how at ease I am in Melbourne.

As I smiled at the moon at the corner of Lygon and Palmerston Street, it occured to me that maybe I just have to trust in Him more and know that what I ask, will be given in time and what is mine, will truly be mine.

Lost in Transition

2009-05-06T04:42:00.000-07:00

In a world where money matters, does it matter if you like or don't like your job? How many people can actually say they like their job? How little people will admit that they hate their job? Then again, how many people will remain neutral about their opinion of their job. In this time of global economic recession, people are more divided about their thoughts on their job. Some are thankful that they still have a job. Some question if their job is really what they want. Some decided to go back to school to upgrade themselves and further equip themselves with new skills to cope with the recession. Then, there are some that are not aware that a recession is going on.

For me. I fall into the category that is grateful that i still have a job. I do sympathise with those who were made redundant. At the same time, the recession has also made me more aware of how i spend my hard earned money. It make my hands tighter and make me hone my screening skills in terms of my purchases. The things that I buy now are either things that i really need, or investments that will see me through years of usage. I now think twice or three times about the things I want to get. I am also aware that i have things that are pre-loved that i should sell to recoup some losses.

I have been doing my maths recently. I have 22 more months before I start my school. I have 9 more months before i go on my next major trip. I have 2 more months before I go for my next short holiday. I have 20 days before I get my Gucci pug. I have 12 days to go before I get my major payday. I have 4 more days before I get my day off. I have 2 more days before I get my secondary payday. I have 2 more hours before I get off work.

So have been thinking long term as I feel comforted to know that there is a finishing line to what I am currently doing. I feel that am in transition. I feel that I have everything I need at the moment and I have to learn how to supress what I want. I have gotten greedy and now, i have to stop myself. In short, I have to grow my piggy bank.

I know that in the last few posts, I have been going on and on and on about money and finances, I do apologise if it makes you sleep. However, I am currently at the core of this phase. I feel that i need to put in my 101% in addressing my current finance. If I can do this well now, i will be set for the rest of the year. I plan to reach $6000 by July. No compromise! I am sadden that my savings had been the same for the past 5 months... I have changed my habit. And now i shall rule.

The Nose Issue

2009-04-30T04:45:00.001-07:00

Its me again. Sometimes I wonder if humans have a mating season like animals where we are virtually one heat. Does this change with the seasons? Does one's sexuality change with the change of seasons too? Hmm... i can't help but wonder (will be for the next artikelen). Summer is long gone. It is freezing out there and I am not liking it. Why can't everyday be the perfect 18 degree celcius with some sun and wind?

It is May people, Perth will be here soon! Yayness! I have 10 months more to go will i get my new nose. However, i have often asked my mom if it is a good idea in the past and she does not like the idea. How can i tell her after i had my surgery? Should i lie (aka broke my nose during Tae Kwon Do) or should i be truthful (i am vain and i don't love the nose you and God gave me enough). I really don't want to lie to her as it will be a lie i carry on my whole life (i will burn in the pits of Hell), however, i do not want her to get hurt by the truth.

I have been contemplating recently about my nose. Isit even financially viable for me even? As you know, i am starting my studies in 2011 and having that extra $3000 means that i will be able to pay for 4 months of rent (aka one third of a years rent covered!!). However, looking into different hospitals, i decided that IT IS finanacially viable for me. I am even pay my nose in monthly installments!!

Then, there is the health issues as well. What if it becomes infected and i have to cut it off ala Michael Jackson. And what if i HATE it after my surgery. What if i am addicted to plastic surgery? I already have alot of laser sessions (like serious laser like IPL and resurfacing), have alot of chemical peels and alot of microdermabrasion done. They are painful but i love it. They are not cheap but i love it. So many things to think about. Just one minor incision required. Just a tiny piece of silicon inserted.

Thus, I sought the advice og Gods and my friends. I actually had been thinking about it for a bit since the thought of having it done next year came up. In the end, I actually came up with a good idea. I shall put off the operation for now. Reason why?

The thing is, i will only be 24 years old if i do get the 'upgrade'. Then what's next? I will be looking for new things to 'fix' and i reckon i still have many many years to go. I figured that perhaps i will do it later in life, say, when i am 40, if by then, i still have issues with my physicality. Perhaps by then i will realise that the problem is not my nose, perhaps it is my thin lips or my small chin. Perhaps it is my beautifully symmetical eyes. Perhaps it is my dainty ears. Perhaps it is something deeper. Like issues.

The thing is right, i don't hate my nose. I just don't love it that much and i am just not that into it. Say in a day, 24 hours, 20 hours of it are spent not feeling anything about my nose, as in neutral about it. 1 hour i am happy with it (because there is no snot to make it huge). Then the 3 hours i am not so liking it and thinking of fixing it. So, the majority time, i am neutral about it, like it is not even a problem. Like it is my little finger (which i think is not long and slender enough- i wonder what procedure is available to make my fingers longer and nicer.. ok Google here i go).

Thus, it is so unneccessary at this pointe that i want to fix it. It is not like a problem or an eyesore. So i shall focus all my funds to fix my skin on my face, which is improving by leaps and bounds. Yayness.

I think at times i am just too engrossed in little details. I have a feeling that the procedure will be so subtle that it will not even make such of a difference to the shape. Frankly my nose is not ugly. I don't love you nose.

Feeling the Pinch

2009-04-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

Recession: the state of the economy declines; a widespread decline in the GDP and employment and trade lasting from six months to a year.

Recess: a state of abeyance or suspended business.

Everyone is feeling it. Everyone is not enjoying it. Everyone is being thrifty and trying to save money in any form they can. So am I.

I must say that i am really grateful that I got a job. I am also grateful that I got my permanent residency in Australia. I am applyng for my Citizenship start of next year. Hopefully by mid-2010, i would get my Australian Passport. This would mean that everything will be sweet! I will then start my studies again.

Many says that recession would mean a perfect time to get back to school and 'upgrade' yourself so that once the economy recovers, you can attack it at full force. Moreover, business are bad when the economy is down anyway. However, I am actually afraid to leave the workforce at the moment. Firstly, I am not hating my work yet. Secondly, I really enjoy the income and benefits that my work gives me. I fear that if I go back to the books, I will go back to poverty. Students are poor and I am so over poor people.

On another note, I am pursuing something that I always want. I have a feeling that I will be so sick of working life in another year too. The freedom that a full time student has is just liberating at times too. For sure I will be still working part time in some chique boutique to pay for my rent. It will be more sophisticated and classy. I will still be able to afford my Edward Beale haircut and my monthly shopping grant. i will still be able to have some savings and go travel.

So here I am, in a state of transition. The end is within my eyesight. Blooming season is within grasp. However, i shall reap the benefits of my dedication and hard work. I shall cherish every moment of my education as i have worked for it. I shall be the best designer I can be - bleeding for fashion, lol! If the mid year intake is not available, I may be starting my studies at 2011!!! Still a while to go...

Next topic. Wisdom tooth.

I hate my wisdom teeth!!! It hurts like hell when it grows or when there is a gum inflammation!! I am getting my bottom wisdom tooth taken out the next time i visit Jakarta!!! My top ones grew out normally (a little crooked but still normal) while the bottom ones grow into my current teeth! I almost look forward to taking it out as I can say goodbye to painful bouts of toothache and I can get a more defined cheekbone with the teeth gone. In addition, I plan to make a pendant out of the two wisdom tooth too, so it is killing 3 ostriches with one ruby.

I also am not a big fan of my nose, which is massive! I don't like it for as long as I can remember. I don't hate it but i truly believe that I will be so much more beautiful if it is smaller and taller... slightly. I have tried clipping it, sucking in and pulling ti many many times... to no avail. It remains bulbous, big and at times (when i have a cold), vulgar. Thus, for my 24th birthday next 22nd of March (put it in your diary pleaseee), I have decided to present myself with a nose job. Then it will be major hotness.

Again, so much to pay, so little money...

Day in the Life of Didi

2009-04-18T00:28:00.000-07:00

In an attempt for you to get more 'personal' and know what goes on in my day to day life, I here my banal schedule.

Every Monday to Friday (at times Saturday where I work half day and have a weekday off), I am at work from 9 am to 6 pm. I am certainly not a very morning person. Thus, my waking up time is maximised to having just enough time left for me to freshen up, have a quick breakfasts and the requiredduration for me to travel to work. I usually turn up at 8.55 am or at 9am sharp. Like I said, it is maximised for my waking/snoozing time.

I admit that i go to the toilet alot, as in more than 5 times in that 9 to 6 period as i have a weak bladder, plus i drink alot of water due to me talking alot for my work and also I feel to need to check myself out in the mirror. This is excusable as I have very limited time in the morning before i get to work, thus i have to do my *ahem* morning business in the toilet at work.

My lunch is usually very quick. In order to fund my retail habits and my new diet, I pack my own lunch which is usually wholemeal bread with salad and ham/tuna and a piece of fruit. No snacking is allowed throughout the day to keep the calories at check, A quick lunch meant that i have time to check out new things that is instores too. I always find that i have a never ending wish list. There is always something new that i want to procure. Currently, i have a couple of items that i plan to get for the month of May

Didi's Pick of the Month- May
1. Peter Alexander Oxford pyjamas set. The latest collection of Peter Alexander is based on equestrian and preppy Ivy League, This grey pyjama set is coming at $79.95, definitely a must have. I cannot wait to get my claws on them!

2. Australian Harper's Bazaar magazine. Simply the best magazine out there at $7.95 (better than Vogue!).

3. Nintendo DSi. I am comtemplating if i should spend $175 to upgrade my current DSlite to the latest DSi. This new version has music player and a camera. It is also more sleek and has a larger screen.

4. Karl Lagerfeld fragrance Woody. A very niche parfum that is sooo nice. It is also very expensive, at $125 for 70ml.

5. Cowboy boots. I have actually just got my claws on not one.. but TWO of them. One is black and another is dark chocolate, but both are 5 inches tall. So giddy'up for the hottest Winter wear.

Fitness is what I am very into recently. I make sure that I DO NOT miss them, unless I have something on. I go to the gym after work.

Monday nights: Bodypump
Tuesday nights: Yoga
Wednesday nights: Boxing Circuit
Thursday nights: relax
Friday nights: Drawing class
Saturdays: Gym session or Bodypump
Sundays: Relax or Gym session

You may assume that I do not have enough time to relax, but the classes and gym session goes on for one hour only, thus alot of time to relax. Having not alot of time due to work, i need to burn off as many calories as I can in one hour. I wish i have 3 hours to be running and doing things outdoor but that is just not an option.

My meals are also fixed. It will be high protein and low carb for dinner. Below are my meal options:
Cabbage soup with rice and beef.
Roast chicken with salad (1/4 chicken) and a piece of wholemeal bread.
Pan fried salmon and blanched broadbeans with mayo.
Didi's mega sandwich, which comprise of ham, avocado, salad, lettuce, cheese and capsicum.
Oriental noodle with vegetables, beef and sausages (can be instant or fresh noodle).
Beef porterhouse steak 300 grams with steamed broccoli.
Tom Yum soup with vegies and seafood.
And the list goes on....
I allow myself a small piece of candy or choclate everyday because i have a sweet tooth.

I have actually lost 2 kilos on this diet despite gaining alot of muscle mass. My pants dropped a size and I feel alot more confident in myself. YAY! However, i also meet up with my mates for dinner, which i allow myself to be more sinful. I am beginning to sound robotic and boring now, so i shall stop now.

April, Easter & Expenditure

2009-04-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter everybody!! Make sure you don't indulge in too many chocolate eggs! They are calories!!!

I have a new plan for this year. I have to get ripped, like really fit. I think that it is going to be a really nice Christman 2009 present that I give myself end of this year. That also mean that i can start being mean and bitch about the less fit and fat people, yay!! Just joking, I am not that major a bitch. I feel that it is time for me to progress and be more beautiful. Look out for this space people, cos my arms will be twice the size and you can strum my abs like a Spanish guitar soon. With my new high protein and low carbo lifestyle, I am already feeling alot better about my body =).

A rather wierd thing happened on my way home from the gym just now. After doing cardio and ligting 20kg, my arms become really huge as usual. On my walk back home, whilst crossing the road, a girl was checking me out and smiling as she walked pass me. I did not respond as the afternoon sun was facing me. The other day, some girls was yelling 'hellos' and waving at me from the car as they drove pass. I thought me myself, is that what girls want at the end of the day? A nice looking bloke who just came out of the gym sweaty in his gym gears. I have never ever in a bazillion year thought myself as a jock but i guess i will have to get used to his new me.

Easter is a time when we remember that the sweet Lord Jesus has died for our sins and also celebrate that our savior had risen back to the heavens. No longer are prophets, burning bushes and animal sacrifices needed as His blood is enough.
Blessed month indeed as i have 4 days off from work! Me like indeed!

However, blessed month it is, i have also spent alot of money this month already! Here is a run through of what has gone down my financial drain.

1) Perth trip at July. Me and my boys are finally jet setting to Perth! For 4 days, we will be wining and dining. I found REALLY cheap fares with Tiger Airlines when the sale came out, at $216 per person return!!!! Usually a one way is $240! Staying at a 4.5 star 2 bedroom apartment Mantra on Hays (walking distance to Gucci in Perth) and rolling around town in a Toyota Camry, i think this trip is as deluxe as it can get! The damage is $560... but i reckon the damage is one that is well worth it. Bring on July!

2) My usual dermatologist automatically set me back $150 every month. However, she has not done laser for a couple of months already. It may be the Summer weather that she decide not to laser the face. I have been getting microdermabrasion and peels. However, i am missing the instant benefits of laser already and if she did not give me laser next month, i will be bringing a Bitch Fit.

3) On the beautiful month of March, i got myself a beautiful Guccissima bag. On the blessed month of April, I got myself a Guccissima wallet, yay! One that is limited edition for Gucci Sping/Summer 2009. Moss green, me like, at $355, shipped all the wayf rom Gold Coast Gucci. Then, a good friend of mine bought me (on behalf of me mind you) the coveted Pug keychain all the way from Singapore. It is sold out in the whole of Australia, Malaysia and most stores in Europe!! This comes at $230 =(. It is alittle bit expensive but I am glad that i got my claws on this as i love Pug and i love Gucci. So there you go, $585 gone.

4) Rent that is close to $1000. With my housemate gone, I am now left with my sis to shoulder the high rent =(. This has been going on for two months and it cannot go one anymore as i am feeling the pinch of the recession. Thus, hopefully we will have a new wonderful fabulous person moving in with us for the month of May and everything wil be sweet.

5 Drawing classes, $220, starts 24 April 09, yay! I have finally sign up for a drawing class. It has been years since I take an official class and my artistique skillz has been lying dormant forever and not improving.

So... savings... what savings? I shall take control though. I know that my last blog emphasized a whole lot on savings. Yet this one is about spending. Fear not civillians, i shall be the winner and have the amount of savings by July. Bring on the K.Rudd money!!

Inauguration of Didi

2009-04-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

Hey bitchezzz, I'm back!!! *nods head nods head* yesh I'm back!

The past three weeks had to be one of the happiest times in my life! Woohoo-ness.
I had a great time away from reality. It was so good that i am suffering from post holiday depression and homesickness when i have to work and face reality again. I miss my family...

Well, enough of the sad stuffs, time shall heal it and i am a grown man now. I can face the world and be a champion!! I will stay positive and happy!! It is the secret to youthfull-ness.

I spend several days in the city of Kuala Lumpur. I was lucky enough to be accommodated by the gracious Alvgari who showed me KL as it is. The time spent there was gold. I saw the povo side of KL, the glam side of KL and of course, I much prefer the glam side. Alvgari, if you are reading this, thank you thank you thank you....

We went to the beautiful Pavillion at least a million times. Visited Times Square and found that they sell things alot cheaper than usual- really good for bargain hunters, went to visit the pasaar malaam SS2, went to the posh Lunar Bar on the toppest floor or a skyscraper, drove pass Sunway Pyramid, visited Petaling Jaya, visited Chinatown, went to Mid Valley even~

Visited many Gucci stores, ate many atimes Japanese cuissines (the super duper Jogoya has been conquered), got my Gundam for a super bargain price, learnt that certain people pass secret messages with handsigns whilst wearing black, braved the rain, swam in the resort pools and jacuzzi of Alvgari's fab crib, watched the super lame Legend of Chun Li, ate and ate and ate, used the laxatives generously, visited my favourite Kinokuniya, got my Paul and Joe, led Alvgari to purchase a super duper discounted beautiful bed sheet set in Robinson's (hell yea they have discounts ALL THE TIME), even asked some random Danish backpacker with a Lonely Planet for direction... plus i feel so upper classe all the time.

I love every second of it... the bimbo talk is soo 'out of the box' and such geniusness just flowed non-stoppe. Indeed, i LVoe Kuala Lumpur city. Absolutely looking forward to furure travels with Alvgari.

Then i was home with my family. I love Jakarta! There is never a boring moment. There are always places to go, things to do, food to eat, people to love and occassions to smile about. I love my family deeply and thank God daily for them. I hope to go on another trip back home again. SOON. I saw my nephew for the first time and he is simply an angel. I rested my tired soul when i was back home. My mommy fabulous made my Bird's Nest Soup. I also spent my bithday with my family and it is really special. I treat everyday when i was back home like the last as i only have about 18 days there.

Sometimes i feel sad when people do not value their family. They fail to appreciate that without family, they are truly alone. Friends and lovers come and go. However, you don't get to choose your family. They are your blood and bones. I just like to take this opportunity to share my holiday experience with everyone and hope that your spirits are lifted when you read this. There are just too many beautiful moments in Jakarta that I cannot put in writings in one blog.

Holidays over, the fun ends. Now it is back to business. I have decided to take over 2009. I am focusing in making money this year. I have also stared my savings target. For 8 months I have enjoyed the benefits of excess income. I have indulged myself in buying all that i desire as i was really povo and deprived during my Uni years. Now i feel that i have made up for the feelings of deprivation. I shall persevere and make sure that this savings plan work. By the end of the year, i shall be a rich man.

Then, i can have the peace of mind to truly enjoy another round of super sweet holiday.

Wake, Work, Man, Woman

2009-03-05T02:39:00.000-08:00

I wake.

Work, eat, work, eat, sleep. Wake.

Work, eat, work eay, work. Wake.

The cycle continues. Til I die.

But what if I don't want to die. Does it mean the cycles continues til eternity?

What if I secretly crave for immortality?

I have came to reallise that I am not longer a growing person, but one that is beginning to age. I felt like the wings on my feet have started to grow weary, and I will have to start to find other ways of keeping afloat in this world. However, I have also felt that the wings at my back are starting to take form and become stronger than it ever has been.

They say the prime of a man is between 35 to 45 years old. It is the time when a man has all the power in the world. Career, women, assets, health and sexual charm. I am 23 years old right now. I lack all those. The youth is indeed wasted on the young.

Thus, I have decided to start up and investing. At 23 years old, i think it is time to start owning things.
No longer would my life be for rent. I want to be a winner in this life. I want to start projecting my potential.
I want to start owning my life. I want to start building the foundation and more. Take control, focus, aim and goal!
I shall be the victor, yay!

Sometimes I think that I too often look at my future too much. This may make me age quicker as a process. However, i have refinded my forseeing eye and now i don't worry as much as before. I am really glad that I am taking 3 weeks off from work and Melbourne to disconnect with the world for a bit and reconnect with myself. For at times, life can be demanding and takes alot out of you. You suddenly lose the sense of self and become one of those black and white wearing puppet, droning abouts the city with no deeper aim in life.

Life can be like a 100 kg boulder resting on your shoulder on the daily, thus, it is always good to have a few weeks where the boulder is lifted and you can refocus and stretch a bit to grow to your potential. I will be back from my holiday anew, fresh and taller, better, faster and stronger.

For I need my beauty vacation too.

The Investiture of Self

2009-02-27T03:41:00.000-08:00

Thank God its Friday!!!!!!!!!

Urgh one of my bitches for 7 years here just went back to his hometown Malaysia for good last night... sadness befalls.

I cannot wait for the weekend!!!! Going shopping tomorrow, have to pick up so many things before i visit my fam fam next week!

Getting: THE Guccissima calf skin
Rapid White Teeth Whitener for my friend who now resides and work in KL. I am using it and my teeth is white!!!
Bonne Bell Sprite flavoured lip balm, gloss and rolleur. As in Sprite, that drink, flavoured. Yumness.
Kiehl's Calendula Non-Alcohol Toner, the best thing ever! Calendula rocks!!! I want to do an ad for this one.
A super glue to fix some of my broken stuff.. i am a really handyman.

I am also starting to pack now... and planning what to bring and what not too. I have not put together an outfit for the airport yet but i am thinking to wear something that says 'I am not a slut, but i am not a virgin either'.- A cardigan and my green leopart print scarf will be good to keep me snug, yay! And my new Nike shoe, yesh, the one that is quilted like a Chanel bag that i got from my Sydney trip late last year!! It is Orange and black... aka hotness... and expensive!

Just had my hair cut last week, thus it will be at perfection when next week comes (as it grows into that very natural nice tress). I love Leah from Edward Beale. I have to book her at least 4 days in advance and we totally connect, even if she charges me $50 for a haircut, it is worth it. She loves to listen to my travel stories and exploits and she is hot! Yay!

Have my appointment with my dermatologist set this coming Wednesday (whom I adore, she is the best! Monthly laser sessions have made me yound indeed but burns a hole in my bank account too). I have also just called for my Spray tan appointment this coming Thursday so that i look delish on my 4 day KL trip. I simply cannot wait.

8 more days to go... 8 the lucky Chinese number, yay! Doing gym daily so that I can look at my purr-fection prior of course. I deserve this holiday as i have been working my cute butt off.

Like what my friend Alv-gari says, I do deverve to get that Guccissima too for my birthday, even though i should be investing money or saving it up...fat bank account equals happy Adi.

Tales of a Prince‏

2009-02-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

Herlowe eveybody.. i have patented my 'herlowe'.

No one shall use it, unless thay have my permission.
So I am in a new work environment now. I must say that it is.... different.
There is more drama in this store. More annoying people to serve. But i think that only good things will come out of it.

So in keeping with the times, one of my bitches will be leaving Melbourne for now. It will definitely be a sad loss.
On the lighter note, I am finally going on my 3 weeks holiday, which I am absolutely looking forward to!!!
I plan to not do too many things this holiday and simply take this time to reflect, ponder and project my direction in life.
I have been distracted for quite a bit of late, and i have to get back to my gear and follow the original plan.

I feel like i have been staying still of a long time while looking at the times passing me by. I can remember the time when i was 17 yeas old like yesterday, but look at me today at 23 yers old... where did that 7 years go? Surely 7 years is a long time. I feel like
I have been suspended on air for 7 years and not touched ground yet. I feel like it has been a series of changes and phases that i got through eventually and forgot. They were important lessons that i have learned, as part of growing up, but once i got through them, they seemed irrelevent and not important anymore. I have forgotten. I have not kept them and recordded them, so now i am left with this block of hollowness and my mind is questioning what it is, only to find that it cannot conjure up a logical answer.

Maybe the Prince is forgetful, maybe the Prince had been rather unhappy, maybe the Prince is waiting.

Waiting for the time where he can finally shine in his armour and his full glory. I realised today finally what that 7 years represent. It was not the most plesant memory but the 7 years is one of work, investment, dedication, heads down and sowing. There had been no result in the work so far yet. The Prince sometime would think that it s a futile effort, the seeds he sowed were in vain. Yet sometimes, it is the eye on the prize that kept the passion and fire burning in the life of the Prince. For deep insdie I know that i shall be rewarded handsomely for what i had put in.

It wasn't a case of lost in translation nor a case of self realisation. It is more like gaining new skills and abilities, become one who is beyond himself, expanding one's world and capabilities. The Prince would like to rise above the pack. In a world with so many problem and distraction, the Prince has decided to live a life according to the standard of his Kingdom and not of the world. And I will rise up one day and be crowned.

It is quite funny to write about his current state of feeling i am experiencing as I know that sometime will pass and i will have learnt from this state and moved on to the next. I only hope that one day i wil finally not have these chains of phases and settle down, touching the ground finally. Perhaps that will be the day I get married, although i think that i will remain the same even if i am married. Perhaps it will be when i have become a father. Or perhaps when i find myself with my dream job finally. No matter when that time comes, i know that it will come. And i hope that 7 is my lucky number.

Didigraphy

2009-02-02T23:43:00.000-08:00

Happy Lunar New Year everyone! Gong xi fa cai. May you be blessed with wealth and prosperity and many grandchildren.

It has been a while since I wrote about a more superficial blog. The previous artikelen have all been real emotional and deep and explore the many facets of human flaws and behaviors. so i thought, why not have one that touches the surface? One that caresses only the exterior? One that merely hinted a scent of contempation?

Didigraphy: A list of things that have touched Didi's current lifestyle.

1) ghd- also known as good hair day. A string of bad hair days tormented me at the start of January. Thus, i have invested in John Freida's Brilliant Brunette range. Well, i must say that i have my mom and John Freida to tank for being a Brilliant Brunette. I simply swear by the shampoo and conditioner and is so moisturing and the leave in Shine Shock that makes my hair so illuminated. Money well spend.

2) One of my favourite things in life happen to be very superficial. Designer candles and room spray. If i ever own a pillow mist, i may be overdoing things, but life is complete with a $50 scented candle and a $30 room spray from Crabtree & Evelyn. My room is my sanctuary, and divine it smelled.

3) Bronze bedframe: when my sis's friend wanted to get rid of her designer bedframe, I became the answer. I almost got a new one, but decided to adopt this beautiful bedframe. It fits into my room perfectly and is so delicious as i can store my winter clothes under it! The downside? I got ripped off $165 by the delivery truck man as they charged me 1 hour 30 minutes to move from QV to my place... it should only take 45 minutes maximum.

4) Ingenious storage. So i spend like $50 on storage bags for my winter clothes and $100 in Officeworks for boxes to store my documents. However, these storage bags and boxes can be used over and over and oer again. Plus they look really pretty.

5) BodyPump class at the gym. Sometimes i just want to be killed, and to do that, i attend the BodyPump class. I really like to develop my upper torso and my legs, and this class will make me into a Hercules. That i am sure....

6) Yoga: The best way to forget the stress of the day and let your body reconnect with yourself. It is like detox for the soul. And it tones up the core muscles to help us live longer.

7) Dr. Lewinn's S8 Anti-wrinkle serum. With caviar and blackcurrent, you can't go wrong. It may cost $90 for a tube, but i like to look young and not end up some wrinkly old fart. I am aging every second unfortunately and i will cling on anything that could reverse it.

8) Q silica Gel and Rose Hip Oil: My hair felt significantly stronger and my skin more taut after taking this twice daily. On top of that, i apply rose hip oil daily, especially after a sunny day to help the skin recover.

9) Cotton On. Simply the best. Cheap and good. I have been wanting a red tartan shirt for a while and saw many labels which price tag them for $60 and above. With this bad economy, i rather save the cash/invest them on something woth it. Then i came across this really nice red tartan shirt in Cotton On, exactly what i am looking for, size S at $10. It was a good day, i had tears in my eyes.

10) Mario Puzo. Well he is not a thing but rather a person/writer. However, his books rocks! I never thing that i am interested in complicated gangland mafia boss novels, however, Puzo is such a good write in so many levels. And his book has depth and quality. It has multiple stories in a story, multiple cultures in the American culture and alot of drama and gory details. Love it.

So there you have it, Didigraphy, a list of things that have touched Didi's current lifestyle. I hope that it had not bored you to sleep... or in Didi's case... beauty sleep.

Nu year Nude me

2009-01-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

Busy busy isogashii.

So the new year is here. With it comes the new season which made me fall sick. But now, with the recovered body, i feel anew.
I like new years. It is like rebirth, almost. And it is time where people get new things. Already there are new furnitures in my house. I am thinking of getting a new bed too, which is big. This time i want a massive one! So that i can roll left and right.

Many things have taken place that is new as well. I have a new diet and new fitness regime too, this ought to cut me back to shape.I have been drinking 600 ml pure fresh milk with my lunch everyday. This fills me up well and keeps any craving away, preventing me from feeling peckish. My dinner is also small too but i make sure that i have a failry satisfying brekky. Then there is the yoga and boxing class in the gym. I feel so much leaner and healthier. I feel so much happier too.

My main motivation this year, 2009, is to be happy. I never believe that someone can be truly happy with himself. If he is, then he is probably just in denial or some alternate wierdo universe. Then I met people whom seemed to be perfectly at peace with themselves. I like to be like them for a change.

Didi's guide for a happy 2009:

1) Be at peace with your environment. After spending 6 years in Melbourne, I can finally say that i am 99.95% comfortable and settled in. I admit that it takes a a while to really fit into my environment but now, I can spend hours staring into that redbrick building and looking at the setting sun, smelling the air and say, 'I love this place'. And i really do too. However, something within me tells me that my current matured love affair with Melbourne has a lifespan of probaly another 4 years, whcih makes me kinda sad.

2) Be at peace with my physical body. As my work is fairly inactive, and involves me sitting for hours, i did accummulate much uneeded gut girth through the last few months. However, yoga and boxing classes has been so beneficial that i lost quite alot of those stubborn fat. Definitely the best thing to have happened to me since the start of January. I definitely recommend it to everyone.

3) Be at peace with my body image. Part of the reason for me being a very unhappy prince is that i have a really unhealthy body image of myself. I think that my life will be better if i am 10 cm taller, if my nose is slightly shaper, if my skin is smoother, if i am skinnier and i really really do believe that I will be happier only if these change occurs. However, I now realised that I can be happy just as I am.

Having said that, i do know that i should hit the gym harder purely for health reasons and i do need to contantly improve my skin and also i am planning to go under the knife for my nose to make it smaller. As for the height factor, nothing i can do about it. I am happy about the way i look now, and i know that i can do better. So i am just aiming to reach my full potential inseatd of being miserable about something that should not be. I am thankful for the way I am and will strive for better.

4) Be at peace with my bank account. Nuff said. I need to save more and spend less and make more too.

5) Be at peace with the people around me. Fer sure 2008 has been a year of much turbulance. I made wrong decisions and did stupid things. Not only do i affect myself, I affected the people around me. I want this year to be year where good friendships are forged and that i can emit positiveness to people around me.

6) Lastly, be at peace with God. This is tied very closely to the first point but not only this is about the environment, this is about my inner world too. I feel that in 2009, there will be an extra pair of hands lifting me higher. I like this peace to dawn onto me once again. A stonger connectedness to my spirituality and a stronger bond to God.

So these are it. The 6 ways in Didi's guide to happiness. The first 5 points are like the points to a pentagram while the last point is like the circle that ties the points together, creating a star inside a circle. This will eb the new tatto that i will be getting mid this year on my left arm. I want this tattoo to mark my growth so far, my ability to let go and it represents the present (my first tattoo represent the past).

The Plan (Love don't just fall from the sky, you gotaa werk on it).

2009-01-10T15:15:00.000-08:00

In between researching on 'How to become a vampire' and daydreaming about my next holiday, I realised that we have too many distractions in our life. To succeed, we were taught to have a goal, a plan, an ambition and a bery strong determination. This is because we get distracted so easily and losing focus is like second nature.

Same goes for relationships. We often forget the most fundemental rules that humans abide and seek answers in places as absurd as under a rock. Have a goal, have a plan, and have lots of determination. This is especially true when the topic of 'Love' is put on the table. Infatuation is one messy bitch. Lust is so strong that it can pull one away from a sane mind. You may want to take the relationship in an easy pace for a minute, but the next, you desire to take it to the next level. You may have said to yourself you like to know the other person more before committing too much into the relationship, however, you end up being clingy and almost an irritant to the other.

What isit then, have you done wrong? For sure love is blind and not rational and people should follow what their heart tells them. If so, why have a plan? Why have a plan B if plan A does not work? Well, as i have mentioned earlier, to succeed, one needs a goal, a plan and lots of determination. Love don't just fall down from the sky, it has to be worked on... or you will most likely find yourself in a sorry state.

When you first meet someone, you should always have a plan. Always have an idea of where you want to take the relaionship to. However, the most important rule ever is NEVER sleep with the other person on the first date. This will mean that the relationship will not blossom in the future.

Secondly, always never give too much of yourself away. Leave some room for mystery so the the other person is always hungery to know you better. Leave the alcohol on the side as it makes people talk.

Thirdly, no matter how much the dirty talk has accrued, always remain polite and classy. You don't want to be classified as a dirty whore.

Lastly, treat the other person the same way you would like them to treat you. If they do no correspond, it means that he/she is just not that into you. Move on.

These points are the fundamental foundation to a slow and steady grpwth. It is always better to take it slow than rush into things, leaving you in bouts of regret and in hopes of turning back time.

The Score (have a brain, play the game and aim)

2008-12-31T01:36:00.000-08:00

Listening to Frank Sinatra's 'Strangers In The Night'

"Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wond'ring in the nightWhat were the chances we'd be sharing love
Before the night was through.

Ever since that night we've been together.
Lovers at first sight, in love forever.
It turned out so right, For strangers in the night.

Love was just a glance away, A warm embracing dance away..."

For sure, not everyone is a smooth crooner like Frank Sinatra.
As much as i love this song, it is too simply and fantasy-like.
Love is not just a glance away,
Even if it is, i question that 'in love forever' and 'it turned out so right' part.
As things are NEVER that simple.
Relationships are NEVER that clean cut.

As Frank Sinatra started doing the 'Do dody doby do' I know that there is no way this song is serious...

Everyone loves this sort of serendipidy... fate that bounds two people together.
Encounters and match made in heaven where two loners complete one another.
This is actually just fantasy made up by people who longed for a significant other.
They long for someone to share their life with
If that someone is a stranger in the night, they can attribute their meeting to be one of destiny brought together by love. And only love...
Yet, fantasies often stay where they are.

It got me thinking about...
If the scenario of strangers in the night DOES happen,
Does it mean we involuntarily automatically entered the love game??
Like a game of basketball, there are the main players and the benched one.
In the love game, we are either on the field or on the bench,
yet there can onlybe one that shoot the hoop and get points.

Are you the one that is being benched by the other person? Only when timee get rough he/she will find you?
Are you the one that is on the field? Hoping one day you will beat the rest and be the one that shoo the hoops? We are all aiming to win, yet, there can be only one person that the person end up up. Are we being benched or being given a chance to shoot the hoop by the other person?

It is time to shake you brains out of it and take control. For your heart is not a lost sheep being shepherd around. You should rise above yourself, and have a plan instead of going straight into what the heart is telling you to do first. This may take lots of determination and practise but at the end, you know that your ball is only going into the hoop if you aim. Take your heart with hands of steel, control your mind and follow the original plan (the next article will be about The Plan).

Do not let jealousy, infatuation, desperation and the desire overwhelm you! Merry Christmas everyone. Hopefully eveyone had a good one.Santa has not visited me... yet. But i am getting myeself presents!

The passion (get up, brush your shoulders and walk on).

2008-12-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

For anything to happen there has to be a transfer or change or conversion of Energy. - A transfer from one type of energy to another type - potential to kinetic.

The laws of physics and thermodynamics has been the basis of today's technology. We learn about it when we are as young as 10 years old. Yet, in all its practicality, we fail to, at times, apply it on our inner life. The energy that fuels our life is the PASSION. A passionate person is often one filled with life and fire in the eyes. Eg, an environmentalist is the most passionate around nature and lights up like a bulb in environmental activities. A dull person, on the other hand, does not have much passion in life. How then, can we manipulate this passion that we all have to benefit us in life? Humans have been converting black coal to fuel cities, manipulating electricity to cook and even harvest solar energy. Surely there are ways to manipulate ourselves.

Relationships is one of the strongest sources of passion. We do things that we can never imagine we can, get learn things that we never have dreamt of, we experience moments that we never thought were humanly possible, our passion ignites in bursts. Yet, such passion can be uncontrollable and if one plays with fire, they risk getting burn.

The side effect of too much passion is also stated in the laws of physics. The higher you go, they worse the fall will be. Relationships can turn sour, making the most passionate lovebirds into passionate haters. The sweet and bliss you have tasted will haunt you when you taste bitterness and breakups. Being too 'naked' with passion leaves one armourless and the passion backfired, one wished that the relationship and passion should never had started in the first place.

After countless hours of lonely thoughts, confiding to close friends and families, playing back sad breakup songs and fits of anger and cursing towards the other party, time eventually heal. One becomes better and soon, forgive and forgets. However, in a modern world like today, how much time do we have to let the slow process of healing take place? How much passion in life are we losing out? How much energy is being wasted on futile thoughts? Can we speed the healing up by converting this passion to more productive things? I say yes.

Humans have only one brain, we do multi-tasking but it is only when we are focused on something, things can happen. After a recent break-up, i decided to get up, brush my shouders and walk on. I channelled the passion, that would have been used to cast voodoo on the other person, question myself what have i done wrong, think of ways to be a better man in the future and stupid bouts of depression, to things that will take my one brain off the loser behaviors.

I read, Dan Brown is awesome. I draw, as it is about time to pick up the pencil again before i lose the 'touche'. I breathe and thought... it may be a blessing in disguise as i have learnt alot. I made sure that my heart is feeling justified and tell my friends to shut up if they bring that sensitive topic up again (till i feel confortable opening that Pandora's Box and laughed about it). I get up, brush my shouder and walk on. I go back to the life i love and had, before the relationship. I conserve the passion, and tell myself that a worthier one will come.

If someone tell you that you will only have one Great Love in you life, if lucky, two... tell them to shut up. The ones that no longer, are no longer considered a Great Love. We NEED one Great Love and will constanly grow if the one you thought is the One, happens to be not, so that when the Great Love appears... you will be ready to receive.

It's only the other party's lost if you can get up quickly, brush your shoudlers and walk on ahead.

Alone Again, Naturally

2008-12-05T13:49:00.000-08:00

"All my heart, forever."
Yesterday, when she cried, I cried with her.

Perhaps the many songs that played such as 'I Only Wanna Be With You',
'I know Him By Heart', 'I Want Love', 'Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow',
'Fools Fall In Love', 'You're the First, The Last, My Everything', 'You Belong To Me',
'How Can You Mend A Broken Heart' and 'Tears On My Pillow' had affected me.

Perhaps I see myself in her. Perhaps i am her (in another body of course).

Yet, why are we alone again, naturally.
I walk home to my place alone. Is there nothing there for me?
So how can someone who believes in love, who believes that there will be someone
The Almightly will put in my life, that will cross my path, be still lonely, naturally?
How can I, who in my heart, knows that one day the loneliness will not longer be part of me, still be so alone?
Is that person late? Was I wrong? Will I be.

They say that once one reach certain age, they stop believing in the world of fantasy. Reality takes over.
I still very much live in the world of fantasy but also intertwined in the most disgusting way with reality.
At times, i wish that someone will come and rescue me from this loneliness, sweeping me off my feel and be in love.
At times, i wish that loneliness beomes my friend and i live a life with no strings attached and be a free spirit.
Will i outgrow it eventually?

Today, i am waiting. I am waiting for the great love of my life to come knocking on my door, and i shall receive it with all my heart and soul. Loneliness begone.

For i deserve/demand great love.
I cannot always be the first person to initiate conversation/ ask another out/ call or text or email the other.
I cannot always be the one who always want to please, who feels inadequate and who becomes needy.
I want to be asked, to be pursued and feel wanted.
I want it all.

♥ "I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, Inconvenient, Consuming, Can't live without each other Love."

I am definitely 'Searchin' My Soul Tonight'.

Coast to Coast

2008-11-24T02:39:00.000-08:00

What a year. In less than 40 days, we will conclude 2008.

The thought alone made me sad. I am not ready for a new year yet. I am not ready to be another year older. I am not ready for new obstacles as i am still dealing with the current ones. I am not ready for new expectations and even new growths yet.

What about you? Are you thinking the same? Or have you had enough of this year and you cannot wait to move on. Cannot wait for a fresh start, a new season, a new environment, a new circumstance and a new you?

No doubt this year has been a year of changes for me. New occupation, new attitudes, new aspirations, new styles, new language, new hair colour, new tattoo, new identity and hopefully, a new passport even. At times, these changes seemed really slow and overdue, but at times it happened so fast that I cannot even sit down and think, and breathe and digest. This year had its ups and downs personally and non-personally. There is tears and rain.

I know that for some of you this year had been an eventfull one as well. Relationships/ friendships that came and go, things that you have learnt about yourselves, decisions that had made or break you. If there is a time to finally start closing the book on 2008, it will be now. November now. December has too many distractions. By the time you are done, it will be 2009 and you will be thinking, where did 2008 go? Take some time one day, light the candle, shut the blinds and think.

So I have truly outdone myself this time. This year alone is like 3 years high school squashed into one. I have met so many new people. I have travelled to new and old places so many times. I have made plans about my future in so many details. One thing I never did, which i did in past years, is that i never looked back my past. Finally I am able to see forward and not based my life on my previous experiences. My past experiences have hindered me alot and now, this year, for the first time, I felt like a free bird. At 22, i have learned a lot. I am content.

However, content as i may be, i want more of this growth and maximise it. I fear that it will end when the new year come. The time will soon come when they will no longer check my ID at the door, when the question of marriage start coming up, when i have to start saving up for a car and a house. The time will come when i will be old, look old and desperately clench on the remaining ounce of youth in me. I am already supporting myself financially. The fine lines around my eyes can already tell some of my life story to those who see me.

Coast to Coast,
Face to Face,
Heart to Heart.
I am thankful for this year.
May the remaining days of this year be the best days.
So that i can close this year with a big smile and go
"Schat, je verbaast me!".

Eating Out

2008-11-20T02:44:00.000-08:00

To eat or not to eat. That is the question.

How do we separate hunger from a food lover, and a food lover from a glutton? Humans eat recreationally. We love to eat. That is why we are getting fatter and fatter. Food is big business.

How do we separate the correlation of food to sex then?

If we humans can casual eat.... can we casual sex?
Humans are also known to have sex recreationally. Humans love to have sex, that is why we are getting hornier and hornier by the day. Sex is big business.

Casual eating can be very bad for someone's health. It is very addictive and provide temporary pleasure only. Yet despite this, people are more than happy to finish that pack of Doritos or smother themselves in a tub of Baskin Robbins. Then, there will be the guilt, regret, cellulites and gut.

Casual sex, on the other hand, can be very bad for someone's mental health (and health of course if one is unlucky). It is very addictive and provide temporary pleasure only. Yet despite of this, people are more than happy to finish up a piece of 'meat' and smother themselves in 'gravy'. Then, there will be all the issues with jealousy, insecurity, misunderstandings and worse still, contract some viruses as a result.

So the next time we eat, we should eat right. The next time we have sex, we should do it right as well, as it benefits both parties.

The Road to Macho

2008-11-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

I have a problem appearing macho or masculine due to my insecurities.
For a while now, i have been going for the ethereal impossible pretty boy look.
I have so many products to help me on that from head to toes!
I have felt that looking pretty is the key to get anyone's heart,
Whether they are young, old, pretty, ugly, male, female, dog or just anyone...
If I don't feel liked, i blamed it on the way i looked. Thus the cycle starts again.
I start questioning if only my eye lashes were longer, will it be better or
if my skin is more luminous, will it be more attracting.

However, why should it concern me. What happened to inner beauty?
Instead of trying to grow that hair to make me look a wee bit cuter,
Shouldn't I be more concerned about ways to being a nicer person?
On how to sympathise with others and on how to improve my self esteem, not image?

How can i go from 'My issues are like tissues, wiping my self believes away.'
To a macho, confident, slightly arrogant and a little rude man?
I need to grow up in that sense. I need to change me.
No more effeminate, gentle, soft, indecisive me.
No more talking in himbo talk. No more air. No more two siddes earrings.
No more uncontrolled mannerism. No more speeches about my emotions and feelings.
No more getting in touch with the 'woman in me'. No more high pitched prissy voice.
No more mascara. No more ethereal androgynous shit. No more using the word 'bitch'.
No more facebooking with bimbo talk. No more ultra vain pictures.
No more trying to be hot or beautiful cos i already am.
No more superficial shit. No more lies. No more....

From today onwards, I will be mainstream.
I will talk with a low voice. I will not talk before i think.
I will be at my straight state. Never cross my legs sitting down.
Be assertive. Be confident. Be quiet. Be sure. Be a man.

I think i know what side of me that i want to be dominant now.
I think i have chosen.

Games People Play

2008-11-10T02:28:00.001-08:00

Games People Play (subtitle: The Psychology of Human Relationships) is a famous 1964 book by psychiatrist Eric Berne. Since its publication it has sold more than five million copies. The book describes both functional and dysfunctional social interactions (cited from Wikipedia).

I am playing a game.

Mind games on how to beat the blue.
Brain teasers to control the heart.
Mind you this optical illusion will be real.
It is a snow country puzzle.
A maze of entrapment.
Psychologically, it will be control over people- and more importanly, myself.

After reading New York best seller 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo , I had became rather cynical. Predominantly a book for the ladies to analyse men, I find it quite effective for men to analyse women as well or in any case, anyone. It outlines that love is no excuse at all.

For love is great. For we deserve that great love. There are no mixed messages.
He′s/She's just not that into you if:
He′s/She's not asking you out.
He′s/She's just too insanely busy to pick up the phone.
He/She doesn′t like the words ′relationship′ or ′boyfriend/ girlfriend.
My good friend Oprah Winfrey, whom endorsed this book, said that the book title is:
"Six words to change your life forever ... This book should be on every single woman′s nightstand!"

Good ol Oprah.
So instead of going into coffee by day, cocktail by night hours where friends sit together
And analyse what had gone wrong in their life,
Wouldn't it be better if we don't go on that ride and just save some youth by concluding,
He/She is just not that into you -period.

In addition, we all have many issues deeply imbedded within ourselves.
Whether it is a childhood trauma, esteem issues, trust issues or fear of taking that leap.
Whenever i feel the terror coming towards me, in my fear of fears, i have learnt to look within me.
Say a little prayer, clear the head, calm the heart. Remind yourself you are playing a game.
That is what i did and i find it very effective. Reconnect with God and ask What Would Jesus Do.
Ask for peace, ask for wisdom and ask for protection.

The possibility of getting myself hurt again emotionally is more than I can bear.
I may have loved the idea of the relationship, in the end of the road, I love myself more.
I will not want that pain again, even though pain and hurt may be part of the game peole play.

Bible 1 Corinthians 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

We deserve great love and i am armed with game plans.

Taller Better Faster Blonder

2008-11-05T00:50:00.000-08:00

I am back. Not just back. I am totally back!!
For those who missed me, i apologise for being an emotional wreck last week.
I wasn't me last me. That me you saw... no good.
Bad... very bad.
The weather was gloomy last week, so was I.
I swear that the hormones running amok in me is strangling me.
I can't breathe right. I felt like i have asthma and a panic attack at the same time.
Stupid ABBA was in my head with the song 'Winner Takes It ALL'.

I should be 'No Stress'.... not 'Emo Bitch'.
Yesterday was the lovely Cup day, thus a public holiday.
No work on Tuesday can just about cure anything as I hate Tuesdays!!
I cleaned my room, cleaned the toilet and in the process, cleaned my mind.
Cleared my heart and now i am back.
Taller Better Faster Blonder.

I was at a state of war last week.
It got me thinking about wants and needs.
Someone wise once said that:
'A happy person is one whom prioritise his needs, not his wants'.
'A miserable person is one whom prioritise his wants, not his needs'.
Me? I am a confused person whom has his wants and needs messed up.
However, i can assure you that it is only for a week... I am now back.

The defeated me caused me to lose the real me.
The single, unavailable and fabulous me (snaps fingers and *pose*).
I know what i want. I know what i need. I love who i am. Why do i still suffered a bout of madness?

I am a sensitive intelligent rational being, yes.
Why do i lose control, turning into a sad, emotional, confused, painful fuckhead?
Then i realised......

My emotions has been too monotonous for a while since i started working.
It is forcing itself for a shock. I need to grow as a person but my life on the mono was inhibiting it.
My evolution is now top priority as I am 22 years old, and my body and mental needs to reasses my fabulosity.
It wants to know am I still fertile/sexual, still fabulous/hot, still senstive/emoting.
Stupid hormones... i swear that i feel like i was 8 months pregnant with a triplet.

So no what? I have cleaned my taste. I feel sexual, emotional and desirable.
Just perhaps not as naive, assuming and dumb. I am older now.
I was at Cacoon and now i have evolved...
Taller Better Faster Blonder.

In life, we have to take things slowly and step by step.
In relationships, we have to take one another slowly, let things breathe and be really patient.
I admit that i have decided to stop playing games as I know i get what i want in the end but do not feel satisfied.
I decided to face the relationship with the 'real' me, naked and un armed.
Things went wrong and i lost all my control. I have attacked the enemy forced too fast and too rash.
Perhaps i should have stuck to playing mind games first.

Games are games, no emotion attached, no pain, no gain.
I will pay it till i am sure i can let my defences go,
As the saying goes, 'No matter how sexy the lingerie is, it's true purpose is to be taken off'.

Fuck off ABBA's 'Winner Takes It ALL'
Hello Britney's 'Womeniser, Womeniser'

Handling the Truth

2008-10-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

A: Hi Mr. Travel Agent (in a sultry tone).
J: Hi!
A: I like to go some where.
J: Well, where would you like to go?
A: I like to go somewhere hot and wet.... like your lips (proceed to advance and take in lips).
J: I can take you to heaven.... come into me (violent swift shoving action).

These days, the weather had taken a good turn, unlike the economy. Everyone is happy and eager to show some skin.
It got me thinking about honesty. Is it the best policy? Can people handle the truth?
If Denial is the hottest club in town, it will be full... all day everyday. People love to be in Denial.
On the other hand, people loves facts. The back of the youghurt cup has all the Nutrition Facts, too many actually.
Theories and hypothesis conjured by researchers, archaeologists and experimenters unendingly races towards the truth.

Then there is the truth.

Unlike Denial and Facts, people don't really like the truth. They say ignorance is bliss, truth will only bring sufferings to those who hear. So do we fake the truth? Do we bend the truth? Or do we ignore the truth?

How much honesty should there be in a relationship? If everyone is 100% transparent to one another, can a relationship work? As far as I know, relationship is based on trust and a little delusion from each party. Girl A will think that Boy B is the hottest and nicest person in town but Girl C thinks that Boy B is the complete loser. I guess one's Love Boat is another's Titanic. Then, there is also the fantasy part. With a little lace push up bra, a B cup can go to a C. Is that not honest then, since the truth is, the girl has B cup afterall.

It struck me like a whip on the Dominatrix.... have I been too honest in the relationship that it leaves no room for fantasy. Our brains are the biggest sex organs, and fantasy is the thing that drives it. If one had faked it at the start, to start the ball rolling, to get in the zone, and not be so truthful about the awkwardness, nervousness and the 'have to report the feelings', I am sure it will be alot better. It will be like roleplay. It breaks the ice, warms the body up and gets them relaxed. Once relax, then can one tap into the inner chakra, the tantric energy and the core muscles activation for the blood to flow like the stream of life. And before long, the 'life dew' will gush out like the Niagara in an 'Oh-my-goodness-me' manner.

So the truth is, the Truth may not be so good in some cases. A little mystery, a black veil and a translucent lace may be the thing. People should be smart enough to manicure the truth and present it in a manner that the other person can accept... or else what is the point of Truth when the person rejects it.

Afterfuck

2008-10-26T01:57:00.000-07:00

A 15 minute tremor, measuring to 8.5 on a Richter scale, is all it takes to completely wipe out years of human establishments in a area, and will take a few more years to clean up the earthquake aftermath.... What about an afterfuck??

So, is a 15 minute of sudden rush of desire, complete hornyness and that slight moment of magic, all it takes to wipe out a believe held so close to one's heart? Not only that, it will take months and months for the person to recover.

I am not talking about genital mutiliation of course, like all my other thoughts, they are always something deeper within.

I have always considered myself a good, if not the best kisser. By holding your left hand up and curling your fist into the shape of an 'O', you can practice the art of kissing (and tongueing) any day, any time. Practise makes perfect. Then, there is also that 'as-seen-in-movie' raw sex that has the both parties screaming, moaning and orgasming in perfect harmony, like two become one. No doubt, the if they can do it, i can do it... better mentality has always been part of me growing up. So did my friend, Toby.

As a fellow 'Romancer' whom believes that hot sex is a must in any good relationship, Toby never has a self-esteem issue. Both of us think that we may be young still and in some ways lack experience, we are definitely a good catch. In the high seas, we are the Blue Finned Tuna.

However, that was until Toby experienced an Afterfuck. Over dinner, we talked and i have never seenToby that shaken before. Where did that confidence go??

Toby was seeing this fantastic lady some years his senior. For any normal human being, they would have recognised the fact that experience wise, Toby will have to take lessons if hot sex was to happen. However, I know for a fact that i will never acknowledge that, so does Toby.

On a date, everything was going smoothly, at her apartment, they enjoyed a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and when the clock strikes 10, Toby, being the cocky alpha male he thinks he is, decided to cut the chase and went for the kill. Inside his mind, he had planned a long passionate kiss as he finally has the chance to showcase his perfect-kiss, then he would go down the neck, as his lady's breath quicken and the rest will be history... so that is what he thought.

The kiss was only good for 3 seconds. Soon, there was teeth, not tongue, there was saliva everywhere, not passion. Lady was not letting poor Toby to slide down her neck as well, as she had reached of his 'Little Toby'. The story suddenly became wrong. What happen to the slow and sensual massage? The slow revealing of the final price, under those clothes? The 'Toby-taking control-and-in-charge' plan? It was bad... Toby freaked a little bit, got nervous and lost his mood.

The 'tremor' lasted for 15 minutes and no one came at the end. The fondling hands became tired, the lips became numb and the position, awkward. Afterall, it was a long day and a well deperved sleep seemed like a very good alternative. Lady thought that Toby was just shy as he was still inexperience and think that no climax is actually normal for a first timer.... Toby thinks that Toby needs to reassess himself big time. Thus, the dinner conversation he had with me.

Toby's Afterfuck was so valid. It got me thinking alot as Toby could be anyone, and could be me. We have the same opinion about ourselves. I wasn't as much sympathising for him as fearing for myself. What if it is not only me and Toby whom thinks we are a magician with a good wand? Other young, hot blooded men for sure have similar opinion about their two persons team.

Did that happen because Toby became shy, nervous, freaked out, lost control and closed up? Or did that happen because Toby was delusional about his skills on a bed, in denial about his sexperience, over estimating his dominion over a far more experience Lady and too believing in that 'two become one' notion?

Either or, the only advise I gave to Toby is to prove the Afterfuck wrong. Sometimes, things may happen but for a good reason. An earthquake aftermath may be a really bad thing but we never know if good things will come out of it as well as people unite their heart for the rescue and hope. An Afterfuck may not be a bad thing as it can be a very very very valid reason to see Lady again, and this time, 'do' her brainless.

WhatWomenWants.hotmen.com

2008-10-22T04:30:00.000-07:00

What do women want?

Only God knows.

Women want shoes, thus explaining creation of the $400 per pair sub-species.
Women want bags, thus explaining the offspring of a male python and a cow- the $10,000 handbag.
Women want bestfriends forever with diamonds and pearls.
Women want... everything.

Inside that everything, i have learned that women want hot men... or at least one in their life.

Take my friend John, single, straight, sinful and superhot. With the 4 'S', he gets away with sleeping around. In this cosmopolitan new century, it may seem like the good life. While others wait a whole life for that night, he usually wait 3 days for that night.

Then there is Tom, not single, straight, sinful and superhot. He only has the 3 'S', but there is always a lady in his life. It seems like there was always a queue of women, waiting for him to be single again... and snatch him up.

Barry, not single, not straight, sinful and superhot. Not straight does not mean that he is gay... he is simply more adventurous and often has one of those infamous three way. Very Marilyn Monroe-esque.

Simon, not single, not straight, not sinful and superhot. Too confused, too innocent or too lost? He believes in marriage and will endeavor for sex only after marriage, but in this crazy city temptation abound.

Rob, single, straight, sinful.... and not hot...... No pussy. At least not hot ones.

So women want hot men. But what constitute of a hot men as the 4 'S' can mean different different things to people. Men can be either fully single, sorta single, single but wanna break up, single and ready to go, single and desperate, single but not available...... Men can be fully straight, sorta straight, straight but gay, straight but sooo gay, straight but confused at the moment.... Men can be fully sinful, sorta sinful, so sinful, anti-sin, not so sinful, acting sinful... Men can be hot to one but fugly to another.

So do we try to act as single as we can, as straight as we can, as sinful as we can and be as superhot as we can to get what we want, to be what women want? Are we the new century men where we use our beauty to lure the other women today? Long gone are the barbaric ways whom flaunted power and dominion.

The women of today don't need men to slay and skin that beast for dinner, they can buy them over the counter with the money they earn from their career, stored inside her expensive purse, strutting on her expensive shoe while showing off her own expensive bling.

Sure people do sleep their way to the top still. There is always that old-world charm of being wine and dined by someone of power and wealth.

It may be flattering to get a 'May i buy you a drink?' But it is divine to get the 'May I buy you an island' once in a while. I guess old habits die hard.

So for the not-so-hot men, they can perhaps work on their bank account (I have to start saving!!).

City of gAyngels (and the occassional fAiries)

2008-10-09T05:15:00.000-07:00

Red: OMG x3!!
Blue: What?
Red: Look at them homos!!!
Blue: Dear Lord....

Purples: *after intense smootching* So.... so what...Fuck youuuuuu!!!

Is it me or is planet Earth becoming gay? Amongst war, poverty, natural disasters, global warming and stock market meltdown, is the Earth 'faggonising'? Or isit just me?

Sure, men were hunters and gatherers in the past. They cut down trees to build huts, slay Branchiosaurus for barbeque, started farming and making dams and brick houses. Women, on the other hand, does less physical work like organising the household, feed the baby and take care of their man. But today, men no longer hunt or gather. Men likes to take care of baby. Men likes to take care of themselves... and today, they also like to take care of their men.

So is everyone gay? Let's take today for example. I woke up, and drag myself to the toilet... there he is, my housemate, gay as gay
vamping his hair (fierce!) Then, i got on the tram to go to work, there he is, some gay who lives 2 blocks down who commutes the same tram as me everyday.Then i got into my office, there he is, my gay colleague (so gay!). Then i started to work through the day and face several of my clients... gay to gay to gay. Then i go home... some random gay talking on the phone (obviously wanting
everyone to know his glamorous lifestyle). Then i got home and watch the telly, guess who is on tv?? GAYS. Mmm... then i go to sleep. In my dreams, if i happen to be dreaming at some tropical paradise such as Hawaii, lying ont he beach and sipping, guess who is playing beach volleyball in D&G briefs.... you guess right... the adonis gay (show off!).

If you only you have counted how many times i mentioned the g-word. So iz gay in vogue? Iz gay the new generation? Iz gay the new 'it' status? Is it like the newest trend to drink Vitaminised Mineral water with vitamin C and riboflavin? Is gay, the new gay?
Lesbos included by the way.

Years ago, if you are gay, you are stones. Today, if you are gay, you are so winning the election (and erection as well). So in order to honour my gay friends, i would like to dedicate this post to all them jocks, bears, chubs, twinks, trans and sistas...

Growing up in a conservative Christian environment, we were taught that iz gay iz bad iz straight to Hell. Many interprets the forbidden fruit as sexual intercourse in the Bible. The devil tempted Eve with the fruit, or sex. Then Eve brought the fruit to Adam, whom had a bite. It is the original sin. So Eve had intercourse with the devil, then with Adam... which resulted in Cain and Abel. After both Adam and Eve realised the bodily pleasures of sex, they became ashamed and covered themselves up in clothes.Cain, the result of the devil and Eve, killed Abel who is of Adam and Eve. For sure God can make as many humans as He wants and we can totally not procreate. But what about love?

For love is the greatest of all, more so than faith and hope. In a city of immorality, lost and selfishness, I hope that everyone out there will find love, then faith and hope will follow...

Facial Piety

2008-09-27T05:15:00.001-07:00

My huckleberry friend, moon river.... and me. There are your good friends: people who love you. And then there are your huckleberry friends: people who've known you for years and have stuck by you and love you no matter what.

So I have watched two films in the past few days. The first is P.S. I Love You... and the second is the classic Breakfast at Tiffany's, thus the Moon River song which is my all time favourite. Back off Pussy Cat Dolls..

I must say that P.S. I love you is quite a let down. She does not fit the role at all as she kept reminding me of the she-boxer. Sadly, many people find it rather disappointing as well. As for the all time classic, Audrey Hepburn does not disappoint. I read that the role was offered to Marilyn Monroe at first... which will result in a totally different movie! My favourite part is when Holly sings Moon River at her apartment.

So how is everybody behaving in this nice weather!! This is not supposed to be a movie review.

I am going on a cruise to somewhere this November... yay! I shall be visiting the South Pacific, namely Vanuatu and New Caledonia. It is for 8 days and does not include Fiji however, as that will be 15 days and i can't miss half a month of work. It has been a looooong while since i have been on a cruise and i think it will be so fun!

Life has been very monotonous lately. It is work, sleep, work, sleep. I am not finding any zest or inspiration at all from anything or anyone. I quite like the idea of anyone more actually. Still, it is not the case of who or what to blame. I think it is just the way it is for now. I have to be patient. Like many things which i have been patient for, it worked out perfectly in the end. And i have only ruined somethings by being rash.

I have learned that patience pays off handsomely from my parents. I am missing them the moment. My mom don't seem to mind my new tattoo. My parents are my huckleberry friends afterall...

Gaining Through Losing

2008-09-16T06:15:00.001-07:00

In an emo moment under one of those emo weather,

I have a thought.

I have been busy all these while that i have not have a thought in a while.

Everyone has been busy.

So that one not-so-fine day, i thought...

In the Bible, I was taught that 'The first shall be the last. The last shall be the first. The meek shall inherit the earth'. It may sound confusing as The Olympics just reminded us that the first is the first, the rest is like, not important. So what is the deal?? The Bible only have many thousands of parables... So do we gain through losing at all??

So, in life, it is about coping... I was so busy that i don't have time to sit down and think, at least not as much as in those dramaful teenage years (so much drama). I have to give up me-time to be at Reality '9 to 5'. I gain and i lose. However, nobody wants to be a loser. The Bible is surely not telling us to be a loser. Humans are made to win. Everyone should strive to be the first, that is the foundation of humanity. Winning is good, first is good.... in the perfect world, everyone wins.

In the fucking perfect world, everyone is first. The perfect world does not exist, not after you are 6 years old. I relised the principle of 'Gaining through Losing'. It can be as straight foreward as gaining by losing weight.... to the complicated drama-mamas. The truth is, it is in our everyday life. We gain something, we have to lose something. If we are doing this, we have to give up on the possibility of doing that. If we watch a channel, we will have to give up on watching another (unless you can watch two at one time and know what is going on and you are a Martian). What is important is to make sure that what you gain is more important than what you lose. Losing is inevitable, but make sure you gain more.

So much to think about now... (so much drama coming back now).

So who cares if you lose something... gain something else back! C'est la vie.

I've Been Around the World and I Ain't See Nothing Like You

2008-09-04T17:22:00.001-07:00

Sun, oh sun....

Yesterday has such a glorious weather, it reminded me of Spring last year. The fond memories where the sun is bright, the air is cool and the slightly musky aroma. Can't wait for the weather to be hot enough to be running in t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops.

Son, oh son....

Some people just gets weirder and weirder. People are funny beings. They need to find where they belong to, like a puzzle piece. If they don't fit in, they don't fit in. No use for a puzzle piece that juts out. One my my colleague, just got let off from work. Well, he was in it for about two months and realised that it is just not working out for him unfortunately. Nice guy, but not for the job.

This makes me wonder sometimes about people in situations like these. Last Spring, I was facing the decision to or not to do Science. I came to the conclusion that if I get my Ph.D. scholarship, I will stick with I. I did not get it, was not that sad, however, just slightly annoyed. So, Science is not for me then. It made me find my true passion in designing. And I would like to get there with my own strength (and money for school fees). University was nothing to me as I did not pay for my high fees, me dad did. I just want to do it to please myself and everyone but I was not in it.

I was not fitting in perfectly. Perhaps if I would have stuck with Science, I will be getting good pay, good reputation and stability, but I would be miserable, grey-haired prematurely, dulled and wearing the same old ugly clothes to the lab everyday (cos everyone in the lab does it). I am jutting out just a little bit with my pink pull-over, Nudie jeans and my pal, Vuitton.

Right now, I hope that my wealth would grow... Let me prosper!!!! I need the money to pay not for my school fees but also my rent and expenses when I got back to my studies. Of course I will be getting a part time job then as well. However, I am really loving my job right now. I am seeing the world, talking the world and selling the world. It is retail, hospitality, travel, management, advertising, sucking up, listening, consulting and ripping-off all at the same time. Love it love it love it. I feel like I have been to Bali 6 times, Phuket 18 times, Fiji 9 times, Europe 15 times, The States 7 times and India 100000000 times.

Oh my God, Indians.... love them or hate them. They like to barter!!!! Cheaper cheaper cheaper is the key. They want all they can get with what they pay. One even wanted a goody bag (which does not even exist) just because he booked 2 flights. C'mon, I am not even making that much from him... seriously!! Still, at least they do buy, at times. It is part of their culture to barter and we have to respect that. One tip, mark the date change fare REALLY high, and you will be F.I.N.E.

Looking at myself in the mirror, and my new hair... I realised that it is Fashion Week this week 1 to 7 September!! Of course I will be gracing the main events, runways tonight and tomorrow night. I am quite excited to see what they have came up with, and of course the free flow of champagne.

Organicity

2008-08-24T02:04:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.
It is the end of August already and Spring is approaching.
However, the last days of cold is not over yet that is for sure.
Mother Nature will definitely throw in some bouts of chill once in a while.

Many things had happened in the Winter.
However, I am looking foreword for a fantastic Spring ahead of me.
First of all, I have reserved seatings for Melbourne Spring Fashion Week 08!!
Hehehehe can't wait as I know it will be goooood.

My bank account is growing fatter and I am happy about that.
My job has been treating me well and I have nothing to complain about.
I just got a tattoo and am so happy about it.
The first reaction that people give is either 'It's so big' or
'It's so pretty.' And I prefer the latter.
I am planning to get another one, but perhaps later.
Perhaps to celebrate my first self-earned $10,000 sitting pretty in my savings account.
Hehe.

Lately I have been feeling organic.
As you can see, I am forgoing my usual himbo-talk in this post.
I am sensing something supernatural.
I am attracted to psychic fields and energy gatherings.
Must be my new tattoo that is giving me that all new Zen.

I just came back from a cruise holiday expo last night.
I was blown away (like seriously!!)
Ok Himbo back.
It is sooo faaaaaantastic.
Imagine a 12 day 11 night Paris To Prague luxury cruise.
Or perhaps the Imperial Jewels Shanghai to Beijing 12 days 11 nights.
On board on board and say hi to the Olympics.

And its raining again today...
I can't wait for the warmer months.
Lie by the beach (with lots of SPF on).
It think the days will pass quicker when it is hot.
Da Bitch Kenji Kaneshiro (younger sister of Takeshi Kaneshiro)'s b'day is around the corner!!

Celebrate people...

Iz Tuesday, Iz Good

2008-08-05T02:16:00.000-07:00

Monday’s thoughts:
What a gloomy weather today. Seems like the rest of the week will not be as bright as it should be.
This kind of weather usually put me into a really sad mood.
If I take a 'Chill Pill' I will fell alot better.
Feelings are such tricky thing...
It is almost a personal choice whether to respond to the negative feelings or not.

What a lazy Tuesday!!

At least the rest of the week will be good!
Well, I am looking forward to this Japanese Restaurant that is so well hidden!!
It opens only Tue to Saturday after 6 PM, thus accentuating the goodness.
Then I will be picking up some new apparels!
Can't wait can't wait.
I have always wanted a long cardigan, so I can't wait to try it on this Thursday.

Mmmm... I am in a dilemma right now.
Should I buy or should I not buy a PSP?!?!
I already have a Nintendo DS which has some great games in it,
such as Jump Ultimate and Bleach 2 (both in Japanese) and Pokemon.
Then, there is this $300 limited edition silver PSP with God of War bundle.
I wanna play Warriors Orochi!!!!!!
I have been playing Dynasty Warriors 5 with my PS2 back in Indo and
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT!!
However, I am really thinking hard as to whether it is worth it.

I just got a new phone, just went to Sydney and did lotsa retail,
I still have my Nintendo DS, I still have my 40Gb iPod,
I am also going to Gold Coast this September,
Japan and Korea next year and also Europe (whole Europe 21 day tour).
Finally I need to save money to pay for my school fees!!!

Then I am getting this tattoo on my left arm as well...
Thus, all these will see the demise of my bank account.
Mom, looking forward to my tattoo though.
It is like, when I turned 18, I got 4 piercing right,
Then, I am 22 this year and independent of my parents finally!!
Thus, the tattoo!!

Ouch, my face hurts.
For the last week, my face had swollen and got really red and blotchy.
Then, it peeled... I felt sun burned.
This is due to the dryness in the air, sobx sobx...
Hopefully good new skin will emerge after this hehe.

Ok end of Tuesday already....

The Now

2008-07-28T05:22:00.001-07:00

Back by popular demand *snaps finger*

Y’all bitches miss me?

So where have I been all these fucken while??

Have I been scaling The Himalayas? Seeing L.A.? Do London? Sail down the Mekong River? Or engaging in my beauty sleep hibernation all these while?

Fer sure the weather is cold and miserable, yet I have not been sleeping all these time!! More like, uber busy that I have neglected this Parkin’ Lot.

So, ok…. The last time I was twirling about me and fellow cats going to Sydney for a shop-capade. Yes, just invented a new MERD (Shopping-escapade… such feeling of achievement!!!). And yes, shop-capade it is!!!!!

I got a pair of Nike Dunk, two pairs of Ted Baker socks, a new sports coat, some other random keychains and trinkets and losta lotsa fabulousity. My cat, Kenji got an Ermenegildo Zegna shoes, Morrissey cardigan and some other little itsy bitsies. Another, Lucas, got two G-Star jackets and some random stuffs. Like, total expenditure is through the roof!!!

Oh I just love the food in Sydney, however, Melbourne is no longer the shit hole it used to be circa 2005. Brunswik and Smith Street is officially the new Chapel Street for us.

Albeit getting new i-phone and new obsession with expensive luxurious super comfortable and local designer supporting Peter Alexander pyjamas, Lucas over did himself with purchasing his first ever T3 face oil blotters from The Body Shop after he started appreciating our ethos.

Then there is Kenji whom lashed out ‘literary’ on a limited edition PSP and a Bourjois mascara. Mascara is our new obsession…. For lashes that goes sky-high (sky scrapers at the back drop)… Don’t just have lashes… have fabu-lash. Several new fur coats and vests and finally, the ultimate,a $350 Ksubi jeans, Kenji, whom claimed that he does not like labels, is so into labels. Looks like he is getting the ‘I rather get labels’ from his cuz, Alvino.

OMG OMG, there is a new LV store in town! One night, as me and my bitches were strolling in the city, we sneaked into the new building as a corporate dude went out with his zapping card. As we walked past the grand emptiness… there it stood, the unopened LV store that has been fully stocked. I almost cried…..

Yesterday, Lucas threw a birthday soiree at Number 8 in Crown. We did not choose Nobu for some reason. Although this may seem like a treason, Number 8 did not fail to disappoint. Overpriced sparkling mineral water flowed while we enjoyed crab salad, roasted quail and pork belly crackle before our 450 grams vintage rib eye in red wine sauce medium rare is served up. All ican say is, ‘Thank you Lucas for bringing us there (and footing the bill).’

As for me, life goes on with ups and downs at my work place. Some days suck, some days are guuuud. I got a new cleanser and toner and moisturiser from my dermatologist. It is her own label and formulation, Dermalishes (a MERD too!!). Check it out people, it is fantastic! Does not contain any traces of ingredients that are bad for you and is organic!! Love it~~

Finally, I am in love with Missha!!! Oh they have the best products!!!
Remember people, don’t just have boring lashes, have Fabu-lash!!

The Last Quiet Weekend

2008-06-21T22:01:00.001-07:00

The past few weekends had been a quiet one for me.
This is due to the fact that exams are around the corner,
Rendering my mates, who are uni-bound, library-ing.
Thus, no parties or soirees or happenings for me.
Yet, those quiet times had been pretty enjoyable.

Firstly, I have been able to clean up my room.
Old clothes stored in my already ‘filled up’ room irritates me.
So, I have traded it for goodwill, to YMCA.
Giving away old and unused things lifted much of my burdens,
As I will be looking forward to getting new ones!!

Secondly, I am able to update myself on the trends.
Since I started working, I had not read much magazines,
Two months is light years in terms of trends!!
So, I spend my whole afternoon soaking in 15 magazines.
Vogue, Vogue Australia, Vogue Italia, Vogue Homme, GQ,
Haper’s Bazaar, Madison and the list went on.
I realised that after the 6th magazine,
All those different magazines were actually forecasting on the same things.
Same ad campaigns, same features and same same.

Thirdly, I did my finance recording and budgeting!!
Hehe, sounds boring but so important.
I set my goals for savings in the next 2 months.
Predict what my expenditure will be like.
And mapped out my ‘ability’ to buy the things that I want.
I sense a new LV bag in my wardrobe~~~ Mirage Porte Document Vertical!!

Fourthly, I finally go the time (and motivation) to hand wash some of my jackets
And bring three of them for drycleaning.
The three had been dirty for a while hehe.
And the rest must be handwashed and ironed of course.
So all’s good now, I feel like I have gained some new jackets!!
Hand-washing clothes is also very zen, as I have found.

Fifthly, I was able to gym a lot.
This is good as my weekdays had been very hectic recently
And the cold weather will make me NOT wanna hit the gym after a hard day work.
Now, I can gym at the weekend at anytime I want!

Sixthly, I was graced with the time to reflect…
I have always been someone whom believed that the future is always better.
And that tomorrow will always be better than today or yesterday.
Yet, I find it quite ironic that I can’t let go of the past.
Past failed relationships, friendships and challenges.
Perhaps time is the cure.

Lucky seventhly, I am able to plan my schedule for the next few months.
I like to do this as it gives me a sense of control.
I am beginning to believe that keeping busy is good for me!
So lemme see…

Mon 23 Jun, meeting with MSF. Can’t wait!
Sat 28 and Sun 29 Jun, hanging out with mates whom exams will be done!
That is why this is called the last quiet weekend.
Looking forward to shopping and lounging!!
Mon 30 Jun, celebration dinner with company for end of financial year!!
Sat 5 Jul to Tue 8 Jul, vay-kay out of Melbourne with mates!! Wheeeee.
Tue 8 Jul, commission day!$!$
Thu 17 Jul, dermatologist visit…
Fri 18 Jul, PAY DAY!$!$
Thu 24 Jul start design class!!!

Seemed like there is quite many things to look forward to!!
Can anyone believe that it is already mid of 2008?

No Lions in Africa

2008-06-17T02:01:00.000-07:00

On a quiet Tuesday in a quiet neighbourhood, there I was, spending a quiet moment.

It wasn't just any other neighbourhood, it is one of concrete and glass. Money is not an issue here, time is.
The people wore black. Nothing was reflected from their glistering automobiles. There.
In front of me, they parked. A black BMW X4 beside a silver Maserati.
Premium rented office spaces brushing shoulders with premium apartments.
Advertising agency, law firms and cosmetic surgery clinics are situated right below $3 million lofts with spacious manicured gardens and well-equipped gym.
Welcome to my nightmare.

This is where I worked.
After spending 2 weeks at this area, I have gradually gotten used to it.
Well, it is not that cold and concrete a place.
Among chic cafes and al frescos where you can order organic chai latte and poached egg with hollandaise sauce,
you can find humanity such as a McDonald's and a Subway.
Among the rush hour people with lunch times do's and don't's typing on their Blackberry,
you can see an occasional wealthy retired couples walking their Chow Chow.
Among the strong cologne of suited men and perfumed women with 3 hours of meeting and scheduled block ahead,
you can find kids looking out of their balconies while being spoon fed by hired caretakers.
And you can find me, sipping my cappuccino as leisurely as I can, during my 30 minute break.

This is indeed a place of contradiction and opposites.
A stressed out guy who needs a flight to Dublin the next day for corporate reasons albeit paying $3500 for the ticket
May be the person whom will come in to book a flight to Bali with his family to relax after all that stress from work.
The jolly retired couple may want to book a tour to Europe for a luxury premium tour for 3 months today,
yet, they may be booking for a flight the next day to Toronto urgently, to attend a funeral or grandchildren's marriage.
A me, whom seemed to be working just like every other person,
yet is actually paying off his fees through fashion studies and saving up for his enrolment to a school in New York.

Still, despite the variety of people, careers, drams and lifestyle of the people here,
which varies from Japanese Lexus to German Benz that roam this neighbourhood,
they share one similarity.

They are working towards their dream.
The working class for a better future, better position in the company and better holidays with their families.
The retired couples making sure that they are reaping the benefits of what they've sown with their youth.
The me, whom is working for what I want...
The prize will always be there in this neighbourhood.
However, it will need the hands of the people to carve them into the shape and form they desire.
And then, they can rightfully claim them as theirs.

Three’s A Crowd- Le Genesis

2008-06-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

And there was three.

In some weeks time, I shall be having a getaway with some of my inner-cirled gal pals, weeeee. Excited excited.

I have officially taken my leave and gotten it approved, booked them flights and just waiting to book the accommodation and for the date to arrive. 5th July!!!

Let’s name it Location X.

I had been there three times already, yet I can’t get enough of Location X. The next thing that enthrals me is the mates I am going with. Who could ask for a more perfect travelling companions. Us three has been has known each other for quite sometime. We are open to each other, have no hidden agendas and are in the best of terms. Best of all, we are able to commit to each other at times like this. This may be the beginning of the Travelling-Trio-Trilogy!!!!

Our next destination, Seoul and Tokyo… My plan is that I book Korean Air for all of us to Tokyo. The plane will always transit in Seoul, so we can be there for 4 days, and then head to Tokyo for a week. Easy easy easy.. of course my sis will be joining us, becoming Travelling-Trio+ One sista sidekick… The best time will be next year March/ April as you can do Hanami (Cherry Blossom viewing) and the weather is parfait as you know, the Far East has cold and miserable winter and humid and hot summers… Finally, I can be a cast of Hana Yori Dango or Stairway to Heaven, ruwwing around like a mad-lovelorn-man against the beautiful skyline constraste of modern and old. For sure I am the main actor….

For sure there will be drama, ups and downs but it’s not the destination but the journey as well. We shall prove that we are no psycho single guys with nothing better to do but travel around whenever we get the chance to!!!!! Hehe.

The previous plan was that 4, instead of three will be travelling. This limits the accommodation we can have as most single room fit a maximum of 3 patrons, if more, an extra room will be required, which will cost a bomb. Being smart, I hooked up a two bedroom hotel. However, now that only Three of us will be there, SO MANY hotels options are available for a cheaper price.

I am having eyes on the 4 and a half star property, Sebel or Holiday Inn by the Harbour, 4 star. Since it’s only a standard room now, it’s cheaper than ever!! OMG I am soo smart. Hehe, the perks of being in the travel industry. Lemme tempt you. The Sebel is 4.5 Star for a good reason. Albeit not smack bang in the city, it is close enough to the city to get a quiet atmosphere yet convenience of popping into the city without much trouble. It has a GOLF COURSE Compound, pool, spa, sauna, gym facilities. Holiday Inn has all those too without the Golf course but it has the glorious harbour view.
Can’t wait.

Having travelling buddies is definitely one of the best things in life. AS we grow up, we no longer can go travelling with our parents as we seek adventure and they seek relaxation. Having peers to go travelling around has always been a dream of mine. Imagine yourself in a cold winter at Frankfurt or a gang of mad-ass gal pals eating a sausage in Frankfurt… I will take the latter.

Moreover, if we happen to do a ‘TRAVEL EUROPE’ tour, it is usually the third person travel for free or discount of 30% off the tour price if three people register (Usually 2 adults and a children case). This will mean that we are not only travelling, but saving our mandatory dull travelling tour and spending the remaining balance on LV bags in Europe!!!! Hawtness-de-ultimateness…

Drools drools… if only I have all the $$$ in the world to be jet-setting around. Still, I am contented with working hard, earning my own $$$ and then spending it in a way I deem fit! Travelling = new experiences = shopping madness = taking whore pix with whore friends = ultimate fun-ness.

Do you want the ultimate fun-ness??

Blue Album

2008-06-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

These days have been cold, quiet, reflective and good.
I am once again found in between the door of my past and the gateway to my future.
Yet, I am still stuck in the present, refusing to budge.

My past has caught up with me, at least more so than I felt comfortable in.
I always dream during the night.
It is like sitting down in my bed watching a film about me and my life.
People that were in my life played those characters in my dreams.
Events and places that are either new or old occurred.
I woke up with those dreams still fresh in my mind.
And I have to be reminded of things I have stored deep in my sub-conscious.
I was being reminded and reminded that I grew nostalgic.
I felt an urge, a tug in my heart and a longing.

I don’t like those dreams.
Why do they have to come at night?

My future is the one that I have to steer on.
I see many challenges, possibilities and tasks ahead.
I may be a young and fresh 22 year old now.
But I know that I will come out of it an older,
Stronger, tried and tested person.
I understand that now is not a time of reaping,
But a time of sowing, working and striving.
Yet, I am saddened at the possibly that I may have to start
At step 1 again if I were to move to another place.
The search for a new ‘home’ will have to happen again.
The time of finding my place in the new place.
More heartbreaks, more regrets and more sighs.
Why can’t I have the best of both worlds.

Looking at my old posts at the old blog,
I felt like I am face to face to my old self.
All my past mistakes, my past forgives and aspirations.
Everything has been fine.
If I see my future self, I will not ask if everything will be ok.
As I know that it will be.

What about yourself?
Have you wished to amend something?
Have you wished to forgive someone?
Do you wish you have the courage to do what you want to?
Do you want to just fly high and soar above yourself?
I know there are many things that I wish…
There is a SuperDidi in me, when I feel weak,
When the EvilDidi is eating me up,
I open the Blue Album,
And becomes SuperDidi,
And everything will be fine.

Although my heart still bears the scars of my previous errs.
I still shiver at the sight of people whom had hurt me.
I will put those into the Blue Album,
So that they will not harm me anymore.

Skin City

2008-05-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

Hola people... this is major...

Weekend is here!!! Hurray!!

What a week... the weather has been mad, ranging from sunnyness to gloomness.... yet one thing stay constant!! My sleep hours.

HAHAHA i finally found the Elixir of Youth, 10 hour sleep!! So i have been sleeping 10 hours everyday and loving it! Firstly, i feel goooood. Likw refreshed every single day... even under this miserably cold weather, i feel good. Secondly, my skin is sooo glowing and absolutely no breakouts as well!! Oh so good.

Ever since i can remember, i have been suffering from difficulty of sleeping. I can't seem to just fall asleep when i am in the bed in the past... i will start to think about the star and the moon and the sun.. the butterflies in the garden and the love in the air.. basically wasted countless hours before i can go to sleep. The next day, i will feel terrible, look terrible and have difficulties waking up!

Research has shown that our skin's rejuvenation period is optimal between 10 pm to 12 am and i am such a believer. Ever since sleeping latest at 10 pm, i am reaping benefits. Then, there is that miracle Korean product BB Cream... fountain of youth people!! Whitening agent, antioxidants, SPF and PA++++++++, vitamins and shield from the outside world.... parfait-tion at an instant.

In the last week, i had felt so inspired by 'fellow' hottie Kwon Sang Woo, the primary spokesman of The Face Shop. His skin has no flaws!! This emphasis the unfairness of the world.... but i am gonna work and werk on it... aja aja...

Ok enough about myself... this Saturday is my mate's SuSu's birthday... that boy is turning old... hehe. Cam whore opportunity... yey...Ok enough about myself... this Saturday is my mate's SuSu's birthday... that boy is turning old... hehe. Cam whore opportunity... yey.

I've just watched Indiana Jones and he is old and sagging... hehehe. The plot was dumb and that Russian domina-chick played by Cate Blanchett sounds wrong with her faux-Russi-English accent. I wanna watch Kung-Fu Panda!!

Friday Friday... time for gym...

Wherever i look around, i see lovers.. is it telling me something??

Burglar Burger

2008-05-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

Hey people, something bad happened last week!!

My house/home/abode got broken into by some nasty burglars!!! A laptop, two digicams, an iPod, my watch and rings got stolen. Damn it!!!

So, he was wearing gloves and the polices could not find any evidence. So he seems kinda pro as he also broke into another house near mine on the same day. So i hate him. (Why him and not her? That's a good question).

It's Monday, another week of work and work and work.... Well a few things to look forward to however. My work place is sponsoring all of us employees movie tickets doe Indiana Jones with a plus one!! So if you are not appointed by me this round, next time mabbe. Gratis movie... me love.

Talk about me lovesss, i have been watching Stairway to Heaven and i keep crying and crying of course, especially when the main actress will die in the end and the main actor plays the piano by the beach and yells her dead lover's name. Haizz.. A few more episode left that will promise more tears that can fill the Atlantic Ocean... can't wait to watch it. So nice, even though it is a 4 year old Korean drama... me *heart*.

So the drama and the burglary got me to think of certain deep things. About losing loves ones and things, its not a pleasant thing to experience. Other than losing weight, i don't thing i want to lose anything else that i have... without gaining something better of course. My heart aches as i lost my previous rings and watch to the burglar not because they are worth alot in gold but they are worth alot in memories. Those rings have some history to me and some, i had gotten from friends or at places which holds part of me. Well, shit happens and i have to just move on. Perhaps going to Thailand to put a rally bad 1000 year old curse on the burglar!!

So since i lost things, its time for me to get new ones!!
Ok people, my wish lists is sooo long now. I can't wait for the next payday as i need those $$$$ to buy stuffs. I am selling some of my previous loot in eBay as well, so gonna make some cash and get rid of trash in my room. Hopefully, i can make some profit @_@.

For some reason, I have been thinking of cars lately. It may be a sign showing me that I should get a convertible car soon but I don’t even have a license or the cash to procure it!!! Sadness… may this week be good.

For some reason my heart aches… missing someone or something…

wErking-it class man Trilogy -Ménage a trois Nutrition Facts-

2008-05-15T03:44:00.000-07:00

‘You should be the first to leave, you should be the first to forget.
If you turn away firmly, it will make it easier.
If will be easier if you harden your heart against me.
The sins I’ve committed, stopped us from being together.
Please forgive my selfish love…

Just go like this, just leave me like this.
I don’t want to see the pain I caused you.
If only there’s a way to lock our memories away.
Just leave me behind….’

Why isit that in all Korean shows, there is always a girlA whom is with a guyB, and another guyA who is with another girlB... but the guyA and the girlA had to fall in love with each other after some coincident meeting and sort of 'cheat' on their respective boy/girlfriends when they had been with each other for years... Of course everyone and everything is against guyA and girlA although they truly love each other. Many things will happen such as parent's disconsent, hatred from ex-partners and villains or diseases popping out with no where. Usually, after much drama and tears, guyA and girlA end up together and just when they think they can be happily ever after, either guyA or girlA dies of some freak accident or cancer... On top of that, guyA and guyB soon realised that they were long lost half-brothers and girlB is actually pregnant with guyA's son... That makes the love more complicated and almost forbidden...

As she yells 'Oppa!!! Kajimaa.... saranghe!! Bianae... saranghe...!!' Tears stream down my face. Aww so sad so sad. The guy is always a bastard and the girl is always a fool. I can't help to want to kill them but at the same time sympathize with their circumstances. My heart aches as the guyA and girlA ended up hugging each other... forbidden fruit... human nature love to have a bite....

So I finished watching Lover.... and the final episode was the saddest... I like cried 10 times....

The the joy is here.... I am getting paid this Saturday!!! Hehehe. Oh the joy.

In between working many hours for 5 days a week and inventing new MERDS (Merge Words) such as Fair-bulous and Tanaroxic, i found a certain area in me that i have yet explored. Lunching at Myers Foodhall, i can't help but pass though the toy section. I am getting the latest Ninja Turtle Alien Hunter set. YAY!! Imagine cool Ninja Turtles on Space suit and loads of weapons, i call it Ninka Turtle as it sounds way cooler and less juvenile. Then, there are these people in Sesame street's characters suits at the toy section which atrracts many little cute children to have a photo-op. Moms were going ballistic streering in the prams traffic while their juniors run amok around Elmo and friends. Aww, i stood there for 15 minutes, just looking at these little cute grubbies. A wide smile was on my face throughout as the faces of these cute thingies light up. some looked like they just woke up while others were just clinging ont heir momma. It hink it's time for me to have a son.... like a cute one. I want one now now now!!! Its the perfect accessory. A little me tagging along or clinging on to me.

So work... it's been good. It's Thursday already and i can't be more happy about the beautiful weather.... not too cold. So i have figured out almost how to do most of the computer programmes. Come visit people!!! Weekend... oh weekend....

wErking-it class man Trilogy -Joie de Vivre Symphony of Broke-

2008-05-09T03:35:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! I survived the week indeed. Oh the joy...

Ok so next week will be more of a challange as i undergo my computer modules training! What a week it has been.

Firstly, my work place, which is more like a training centre comprises of two other members only. My team leader is Suz, a really nice jolly person who is currently on diet and loves perfumes. She also speaks Spanish fluently. Then, the 2IC is Ed who is also very nice and likes to drink. All in all, it was nice. They don't hawk over my shoulders to check what i do. They don't monitor me much. If i can split myself into two and leave a dummy replica of myself rooted on my seat, i don't think they will realize anything, hehe. Cool people. Me like.

Had Bratwurst for lunch, mmm. I saw a homeless begger along the pavement. It's quite funny as he seemed to be in his early 30s, big fella, not scrawny or anything and he had this cardboard sign. It writes 'I am homeless and hungry. Please help me by sparing a ‘gold’ coin.' What???? Its the first time i've seen a begger that specifically ask for a gold coin. This means that he will not be happy if you spare him a 50 cents coin. Why can't he ask for a yellow note instead??

So my company is giving FREE tickets to the staffs to the new Indiana Jones movie, YAY! Love love love gratis stuff. I am actually beginning to like my job really. Making customers happy by helping them book tickets and accomodation to their next holiday.... not a bad job hey? It beats being a dentist where my job will be causing pain to poor little boys and girls.

So i was learning about Quebec, Canada today. Canada is the second larget country in the world and the currency is stronger than Australian dollar. Quebec, me find very cool as 95% of the natives there speaks French. Appararently it is one of the Francophones. It is a great place for local Canadians who do not want to travel all the way to France or Europe to soak up all the good old Europeaness. Like a petit France hehe.

Sadness befalls me as i found out that the Hasbro Iron Man figures are rather lame. I really expected that the figures have sleek details like those in the movie such as little guns popping out of the shoulder and knees but it DOES NOT. It is so lame. I really hope that Hasbro will release the new series soon so i can perhaps judge it again and hopefully it will be up to my standards. Hehe.

Its 12 pm now on Friday, weekend here i come. Time is passing so fast! And i brought my Gameboy here hopefully to be able to play it under the desk to speed up the way time pass. After plaing for 15 minutes though, i realize that it is too risque to play as my desk is quite near to the printer and both Suz and Ed comes there to claim their printouts pretty often @_@.... dun wanna get caught!!

Weekend..... it will be resting, gym-ing and more resting. Btw i have worked out my wishlists!!

Firstly: Pay my credit card bills!!
Secondly: Get that LV bags that i want!!!!!!! I have two: Damier Geant Couguar and Monogram Mirage tote!!!! YAY!
Third: New coats for the winter!!
Fourth: New black leather shoe from Milu
Fifth: Save for future holidays
Lastly: Save save save save save! I wanna get a car! A hot car!! Just for pride issues. The Audi R8 is sooo hot!! Not like I can afford it now though =(.

wErking-it class man Trilogy - Lotte Milkis de Trompe-

2008-05-07T02:29:00.001-07:00

Hey blog-buddies... I am typing this at work now as part of a Trilogy!! I dunno if the system is gonna know of what i type cos they do monitor the email traffic and i am typing it now and sending this to my email. Let's hope that they won’t read it word for word or i may have another reader...

Day 3 of work!!! and i just came back from lunch, a 30 minutes lunch is so not enough!! I miss my one and a half hour commune which my friends as we take 1 hour to finish our salad or focaccia or sushi... and utilise another 30 minutes to plan for the weekend, gossip and do nothings. I know that you peeps must be wondering and have alot of questions about my work place and how i am coping... i shall touch on that that later. I had a chicken sandwich which did not satisfy me since i skipped breakfast today. So i went to get a Milkis Strawberry drink and a yummy Kimbap from Korean grocers. Yum yum yum!

Did anyone realize that there are so many new shops along Elizabeth St (the Victoria Market area), particularly Korean ones? There is like 2 new salons and 2 new grocers... coolies as i will be getting lotsa stuffs there during my lunch hour. Anneong haseyo!!

So i have just finished watching Lovers in Paris, a 20 episode Korean drama... and i cried on almost every episode of it... not like crybaby kind of cry but the manly kind of cry... hehe. It is such a romantic show.... set in both Paris and Seoul... love it. You guys should so totally watch it. I will catch the sequel Lovers in Prague soon.. when i get the time.

Then last night, i watched Iron Man.... so the hawtness!! I love it, that film is such a lover. I am gonna check ou the Iron Man figurines that are now in stores! Hopefully they are as cool as shown in the movies... so i can buy it!! Checking out the tours offered t my work place, i really wanna go Europe and Japan. Then i came across Contiki tours that does this 11 days tour from Amsterdam to Paris to Italy and then finally to Barcelona. How awesome?? It is gonna cost like $6000 though!!! Haiz i wanna gooooo!! Paris, oh Paris..... love it. Cycling in Amsterdam... posing in Milan and tapas-ing at Barcelona... 11 days!! Parfait.

Okay i admit that my work is pretty boring right now as i am under training for 4 weeks. That means i have to do worksheets and modules and not serve any customers as i dunno how to as yet. It's been pretty quiet as my branch don't open during the weekends which is weird as i think people will wanna book flights and holidays on the weekends. Work has been peachy as i alternate between staring my worksheets on the computer and Bulbapedia for the latest Pokemon gozz... i found out that Pokemon Dungeon 2 is outttt soon!!! YAY.

So far, I am quite happy with how things are going. I wake up at 7 in the morning, get to work at 8.30, lunch at 1 for 30 minutes, knock off at 5.30 and rest and sleep early.. No more partying for me... no more shopping on weekdays!!! Haizz... can't wait for paydays. Perhaps its time to set my wishlists amok??

C’est la vie

2008-05-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

Story: Once upon a time, there lived a girl with a beautiful smile and a pure heart by the name of Didi. This girl lives by herself, in a broken old hut by the hills. In times of joy, she laughs, in times of sorrow, she cries. She has a dream. She wishes that one day, her handsome prince will come. Riding on a white horse, he will sweep her away from the sadness and misery of her world, and into his beautiful great castle. Into happily ever after.

Lunch pack, checked. Business attire, checked. Alarm clock, checked. Files for work, checked. A job….. checked!!

Hi blog-buddies, I am employed… finally. After months of deserved holidays, contemplation about future, rantings about joblessness and days dreaming of Paris, I am hired!! I am officially a Travel Consultant for one of the biggest international travel companies in Australia! And I am starting work in less than 24 hours… be excited for me as I can feel butterflies in my ‘abs-ed’ stomach.

I really don’t know what to expect tomorrow and am hoping for the best. If I can survive this week, I can survive anything… that’s my current thought. I really first and foremost hope that I get a lovely supervisor/manager. After been though what I had last year, I must say that having that is CRUCIAL to my mental health for the next 2 to 3 financial years. Yes we are talking about financial here now as it will be my first full time job!! FIRST! I had a couple of part time ones before but this will get me started on all the things I wanna buy.

I am not gonna brood or predict how tomorrow will be like as I know that it will be pointless. I mean, what colleagues will I have? Will I be able to cope with the first few months, the training and learning of new systems? Will I get along with the people and customers? Will I enjoy my work? Aww it will drive me nuts!!

That is life! I hope that tomorrow goes well, I feel like a virgin right now… Whether I get closer to my dream relies on tomorrow… The big day.

Come visit people, it’s an easy location… Discount tickets for everyone!!!

“Aja, fighting!!”

Definition of Circle.

2008-04-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hey people, yet another blog with the title starting with the letter ‘D’. I guess I must really like it. During my work out at the gym, I kept wondering about something… a circle.

Well, cos I am still unemployed… and I stand a high chance of being employed finally into one of my dream job, the TRAVEL industry!! So if it did not work out in the end, I am back at square one and have come back a full circle… and I am tired of it. I did really well in my interview at the Flight company. The interviewer really liked me. She had me into the next round… and I am waiting for her news that will come this Monday or Tuesday, good or bad, I decided not to think about the ‘circle’ concept anymore.

If I get the job, it’s ‘Hallelujah, Amen’, if not, well, life goes on. I have came a far way from this snotty ignorant uni student to an all-aware-working-adult… not that I am working yet. I realised a new philosophy in life… which is ‘What’s mine will always be mine, what’s not mine, will eventually not be.’ So if I did not get the job… booo…. The one I seek and seeks me is down the line, queuing up as I run through all those rejection. I’m gonna keep knocking on doors till one answers me (sounds like modelling career, knock on agent’s door till one lands u a contract!!).

So what is a circle? http://www.mathopenref.com/circle.html says that ‘A line forming by a close loop, every point on which is a fixed distance from a centre point.’ On the other words, a plane curved everywhere equidistant from a given fixed point, the centre.

Mmm, that’s life, it either moves forwards, backwards or go around a circle. It never stays still. I took a Science degree, only to move in a circle to end up wanting to do fashion design. I will work for a few years, gaining experience, only to start at square one again on that happy day when I enrol into fashion. Even relationships can end up in a circle. With best of friends having to become no longer.

Ok I am over it. I hope and pray that I will be the next top Travel Consultant. I always wanted to be a flight attendant, oh the glamour but travel consultant is not half assed bad. It will be parfait! I will get to learn about all the places on Earth, get travel discounts and lotsa experience!!! Anyone up for Shibuya, Tokyo this September??

Hairspray

2008-04-21T00:16:00.001-07:00

Hey y’all… it’s me again, Mr.Yet-Unemployed… *grunts grunts*

So Mr. Yet-Unemployed here is still a living, breathing and growing individual. So he needs a hair-cut when his hair grew long and needs to re-touch when his darker roots sprouts. Yep, so I just went to get a hair-cut… fabulous hair-cut.

Me and Sakura visited Seri, this new uber cool Korean hair dressing chain that just opened yet another branch at Chinatown. The décor is really nice, with Victorian boudoir and really nice plushy couches. The lighting is fantastic although the place was rather warm. Must be caused all the steam machines and hair dryers in action.

Anyways, my hairdresser, Sena-shii is really nice! First she asked me why is my skin so white and she showed me her arm and commented that she is so yellow. LOL. I blushed. Then, she proceeded to ask me what hairstyle would I like. I wanted a really short and neat hair that is very all American crew. Then she prescribed me a style that would so suit me… the one that some Korean megastars have. Love it!

We chatted, and was in disbelieve when I told her that I majored in Science. I told her that I want to do fashion design next and she totally think that design would suit me more. It struck me like a lightning….

All my life, I love Science and design is my hobby. Any sensible boring fart will then proceed the route to do Science as it seems more respectable, stable and ‘normal’. At least that is what the 18 year old naïve me had thought. Over the years from a teen to an adult, I saw that if I want to give 110% of myself in my work and be proud of it and also enjoy it, I will have to go with design.

I love the company of my Scientific friends. They are not bothered that I may style differently from them. Their basic T-shirt and blue jeans are endearing in a way to m e as well. Yet, many can see that Science is not perhaps the thing I should be in. I don’t look like a Scientist at all. That, my previous supervisors and Sena-shii can tell from a glance.

Have I been ignorant about myself or blinded by the King of Boring Farts. I admit that I was dazzled by the easier way out to do Science. Afterall, it had been quite convincing that Science can give me a good life, where I may once in a while feel out of place but things will be fine in the end.

I love Science, and I always will… but I want to try other things as well. I want to be a flight attendant if I get the opportunity, for a couple of years and I want to be doing design for the rest of my life!! I don’t car it is freelance or for someone. I am 22 and the clock is ticking…

Still, I have to get past the first hurdle… get a job (eew so anti-climax)…

Dream a Little Dream

2008-04-14T19:46:00.001-07:00

It’s funny. Whenever I oversleep, which is like 2 hours plus my usual 8 hours, Iwill be having REM for the 2 hours. Or Rapid Eye Movement aka dreams. They are not the regular pointless dreams but things that are close to my heart. Sometimes, they can be nightmares. These dreams seemed to be telling me to wake up from my sleep… and I can so remember vividly what I dreamt hours after I woke up.

Today, I had one of these dreams. It was really funny. I was in Melbourne, at 11 pm night time and it was drissling. The air was filled with moisture from the rain. It was a Friday night and everyone’s out to party. For some reason, I was in my friend’s car, a S2000 convertible sports car. Oliver had passed it to me for some reason for me to get home. The funny thing is, I was driving it home myself… and I don’t even have a driver’s licence. HEHE. So funny cos when I was in a car, I was thinking of ways to park it in my house back in Singapore.

So there you have, the space shift that only happen in dreamland. The rain stopped and I dropped the roof of the car. I felt really cool as the cold winds brush against my face and hot chicks, one with a fro and gold dress screamed as I drive by. The metallic grey S2000 is hot…. So hot.

Then, I came around to the main road and the rain started pouring again. Frantically, I searched for the roof button and the roof came back one. Since it’s a rather small sports car, I remembered the roof hitting my head as it close the car… so funny as this would never happen in reality.

Then, suddenly I was transported out of the car into this busy town.. it was daytime and snowing… A time shift. The town is distinctively European and before I know it, I was in Germany… not just Germany but West Germany in the not-so-cosmopolitan place and I don’t speak German, except for the word ‘ACHTUNG’…

So went around and found a Chinese restaurant on the second floor of a old building… oh my salvation. I went in to see that it was run by a Chinese family. A peep down the building, I saw an Indonesian restaurant and contemplated if I should have asked for direction there instead. However, the winds were cold and I can’t be bothered.

So I started to ask them for direction. An old lady, the mom was there amidst a son and a daughter. I asked the son to draw me a map as I believe that once I know the whole picture, I should be getting around fairly easily. I was offered some hot tea and soup. Nice family.

So there he drew the map of Germany, which I can still remember how it looked like as I am typing this. It looked like North America. Funny…. Then he started to dot the main cities.. which I remembered included Montreal… err funnier cos that’s in Canada. And finally, he got to where I am located at, at this small town called Old Pig’s Cove. He even wrote the name in Chinese.
Mmm, then I went on to explained that I am from Melbourne. The mom then replied, oh I thought you were from Singapore, in that case I will have to charge you 10 Euro for the meal. I replied ‘That’s ok, you help would be worth more that that. Thank you.’

Then, my dream dissolved. It’s so weird. Yesterday’s dream was weird too as I overslept. I still remember parts of it but shall spare you the gory details. ACHTUNG.

Didi and Stupidity

2008-04-11T05:16:00.000-07:00

My watch’s battery officially died… that continued my bad luck streak for this week.

First I am employed.

I came to a 'Advertising and marketing’ company who seems to be gold. Everyone was friendly, the job was different and I was hired. That’s where the fantasy ends.

The company is a Direct door-to-door salesman job who pays by commission and the hours ate Mon to Sat and 12pm to 9pm!?!?!?!?! WHO THE FUCK WORKS LIKE THAT!

So before I signed my contract, I told them that its not what I have been expecting or looking for.. so Adios.

Then, I went for a second interview with National Australian Bank, the biggest bank in Australia interms of networth and customers. The pay is good and the hours good. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want this job. However, I screwed it up!!!

Interviewers are two branch managers, a really nice bloke and a cold-have-not-gotten-laid lady. She asked ‘So how long do you see yourself working for NAB?’

I go ‘About 3 to 5 years as I plan to move on and do fashion designs.’

She goes ‘That worries me as I prefer someone more committed.’

I *shocked* go ‘Well if I really like what I am doing, I will stay on.’

FUCK. The next day, I was called by my agent. She told me that the review was great, my interview was fantastic and I am really confident and will be a good worker. HOWEVER, my downfall was that I only plan to work for 3 to 5 years, thus its not long term and its now what they are looking for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCKING HELL.

There goes my good job, good hours, good pay and good experience.

I so did not expect her to ask that question.

I should have went ‘Well I would absolutely LOVE to work for NAB and will it as long as I can contribute to the team and the company.’ Or something along the lines of ‘I will work for you till the day I die, till my last breath on Earth or till the end of times!!’

STUPID!!

With a bad luck week, comes a good luck week. With a stupid week, comes a smart week. I will lift my head up and not be affected by spilled milk. Plus, I am listening to Mary J. Blige’s ‘Just Fine.’ It’s da bomb people!!!

Status, still unemployed…

Dungeon and Drag-Ons

2008-04-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

Autumn is here… it’s a change of seasons… IT’S ALREADY 2008 people!!!

Soon, it will be 2010!! WOW… 2010… it sounds so futuristic!! Yet, it’s merely 2 years away.

A couple of days ago, I met up with a friend whom I had not seen in 5 years… He is a year my junior but is already tackling the adult world as a French chef. Alone, he came to Melbourne last October to work.Then, he did not know anyone here as I have not kept in contact with him. Poor guy, he had to go through a lot to get to where he is now. He had no friends, no idea of Melbourne routes, no work connection… no nothing, yet he has finally settled after a gruelling 5 months and is working at a restaurant at Collins Street. It came as a really good inspiration to me since I am in my stage where I am looking for work and is rather desperate. I need everyone’s prayers right now.

If you are still a student, studying at a Uni or a course, God bless you cos you have the BEST moment of your life. Not much responsibility, not much accountability to others and not much worry about where your life will go to as yet.

For me, it was a big jump from being in the protected and comfortable world of Uni life to a struggling-to-find-work adult. It seems like every single day is a drag on and with more rejections from companies, I am falling deeper into the dungeon…. Dungeon of hopelessness. This is the start of my life… my working life and I seemed to be screwing it up. I really really need to start working!!!

This transition phase can get ugly. I know that if you readers are already working and happy, you can understand this feeling as you may have gone through it. IT IS REALITY!! I don’t bother to be the fantasy-full self whom liked everything in my own little world where I have to dress up, be high maintanance, talk about useless himbotic stuff with no value and waste away my imagined socialite life!!! I don’t bother cos it does not help my reality.. it does not add value to my reality… which is sinking.

Bad phase people, bad phase.

It’s almost gloom, dark, as feelings of helplessness seizes me by my neck. I need to find the light. The resolve, in the form of a job.

With heavy heart.

One tip for you graduates out there, worry about your results but worry about your job prospects at the same time throughout your Uni years. RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH before you graduate!! Know which company, firm, institute is the best suited out there. Get experience by non-paid holiday internships or paid work at a field that either helps in your future work or your interest. That way, you can save a lot of time as you won’t be at square one when you get your graduation slip.
At last I finally got my desire to take up a European language. I am thinking either French or Spanish as they are really useful. I worry about the French though as its been noted to be a really challenging language to learn and even though I may comprehend it perfectly, the speech may sound off due to the accent that will not be quintessentially French. I hope that eating more croissant will help in the speech however. Spanish should not be too difficult since I speak Indonesian, which has similar ABC readings and I can roll my tongue well.

Well right now I hope the light will come before I sink too deep…

Life: Love, lies and everything in between.

2008-04-01T04:26:00.000-07:00

Urrghhhh I am suffering from dandruffs at the moment. The weather turned cold all of a sudden and the air turned dry… thus the dandruff!!! Wazzzupp ppl, its almost end of March and I am still JOBLESS!!! Oh the sadness…

Well, that’s life and I gotta be ‘Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger’ (quotes Daft Punk). Still, pray for me people, I need to work right now before I become officially bankrupt!!

Okay in life, we have to manage, micro manage and cope with things that are thrown at us every single day. Life should not be a bore or a straight line with no peaks…. life should look like a roller coaster track…. With joy, hurt, sadness, disappointment and jealousy… note that the happy thing only occurred once out of the5 rides.. LOL.
Actually it should have equal amount of good things to bad things. However, being a very optimistic human being, I would always stress on the happy, the good and the glamorous.

Yet, life had been pretty mean to me. After a few interviews for job, I remained jobless and almost defeated at times. It’s just really disheartening when things don’t turn out my way. I am sure you readers understand. That’s life.

Yet another episode of serious drama had occurred for me fellow sluts… It started out at a later supper over at a crowded café. If things were café au lait… the world would be perfect. People would be perfect… yet life deemed that people are not perfect as the lives they lead are imperfect. It seemed that it’s that time of the month…. Hehe.. when friendship status needs a reshuffling and a spring clean.

It was quite a dama-mama-tique row between two of them sluts, people around us was like audience of the final episode of Sex and the City… Oh my… thank God those fists didn’t fly, cos these hips don’t lie… hehe. Well I guess I cannot say I did not see it coming. Everyone needs at turn at NeNe and its just Ashley’s turn. Me and Zack had ours a few months ago. Although it may not improve our friendship at all with each other… we kissed and made up and understood each other more. Let’s just say it’s the next level of our friendship, after a bumpy incident that just has to happen.

Like life, friendships don’t stay constant. When you get comfortable with it, it kicks you in the groins (ouch!).

There’s the good times and the bad. Lies among each other… more and more drama as the day progresses. It’s when friendships survive the bad that really validates the friendship as being genuine, real and worth it. Lets give them sluts some time one their own.. I am sure things will be fine soon.

I hope I can land a job soon…. God help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Constantly repeats* ‘I am a talented, intelligent, attractive young man.’ X 100 ‘I am a talented, glamorous, sexy bitchy man.’ X 1000’I am a fierce, model-esque, hot, desirable man.’ X 100000.

Focus Energy

2008-03-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter everyone!!! And happy birthday to me
Thank you all for your well wishes… *feel loved*

I am officially old! On the other hand, I felt that I have come a looong way

Apparently, some people whom I expected to have wished me…

Did not do so.

I recalled some years ago, I would be really sad and depressed

That they have forgotten one of the most MAJOR event to me…

TO ME.

I would go to them and tell them that they had forgotten it

And I am not happy and how and why they have been such an idiot.

That was me then.

Seriously, the fact that people can remember your birthday should be a gift,

Not a must.

People have better things to care about.

TO ME, it may be the most MAJOR, but why am I being so selfish.

Never had I considered how they think and feel about it.

For sure I had never forgotten their birthday and is always

THE first one to wish.

For sure I thought that we shared moments that are significant to each other.

Yet, I had neglected their situations.

They may just have forgotten it. Simple as that.

Yet, many times I had been a real diva and even blamed myself…

I know, it sounded really pathetic, but this year, I have grown up.

I want to appreciate people just as they are…

I want to focus my energy on things that I have neglected in the past.

Stop brooding about childish nonsensical things such as these.

It reminds me of the very quotable quote ’Get a life!’

Like serious I finally gotten over it and got myself some redemption.

It was part of me but I am finally willing to let it go.

I hope that some emo depressionista who is feeling so fed up,

Disappointed, sad, depressed that their friends did not wish them

A big fat ’HAPPY Birthday’ is reading this.. cos I was one of those.

I love those that had not or had wished me,

But I’ll make sure I’ll keep the latter closer.

Teehee.

Life of a Fag Stag

2008-03-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

So I am baggggg

I have come to a stage in my life where I realised that I am maybe a Fag Stag… well what is a fag stage?

Well, according to http://www.definition-of.com/fag+hag : A fag hag, which is a female version of a fag stag is:

A straight woman who keeps company with homosexual men, either because she prefers the sensibilities of gay men or because she enjoys the freedom of being able to relax, play, and dress up as she likes, without worrying about men constantly sizing her up sexually and hitting on her.

So a fag stag is a male… go figure…

Ok let me dig deep….

Since Primary school, I have this great great friend… whom is rather ’controversial’ in his behavior. We are best buddies!! Despite the many girls that were attracted to me, despite my this big crush on this girl, we were quite inseparable. Brotherly love and innocence of the youth, to put things into perspective…. Then he left for ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Poland and never came back. Subsequently, we lost contact and I moved onto Secondary school.

There I met another great friend… one that I can depend on to part the sea in times of need… literally. It was obvious to everyone that Mr. Part the Sea is someone a queen… still we remained great friends, and became my confidante though my four years of secondary education…

Then I migrated to Australia and since we were separated by the sea and he well, in reality cannot part such a big sea, we had to down grade our great friendship to just a good friend. However, as a Fag Stag, it will be a jiffy till another fairy step into my life.

Truly, along came Fairy and we are best mates now… funny thing is all 3 of them are so alike… they talk the same manner, they act the same and they treat me the same way.. its as though they are one… Not quite the Trinity but similarities are so uncanny.

Well, does this mean I am just plain lucky to find friends with traits whom I’ve always appreciated or is this a classic sign of a Fag Stag?? Well I cannot deny the freedom and relaxed mood of someone whom I know have no sexual intentions or those things that can sink a friendship although they may be gay. I guess true stamped and ironed out platonic relationship keeps the devils away. Still, its quite a mystery to me how it can be so coincident… Perhaps I can only be sure about it if it happens again in the future…

Editor’s P.S.: Many people have asked me about my sexual orientation… am I gay, am I not gay?? Well, let’s just say that in the past when I was younger, I have wondered if I am attracted to men… and I *ahem* did my homework… and found out that I am pretty damn straight. That doesn’t stop me from making friends that are gay for purely platonic reasons.

Semester 2 Advanced Bloodline

2006-07-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

HI HI!! It has been a while!!

I have been quite packed this holiday, so no updates had been done. Whah!! Semester 2 is here and i am excited!! Can't wait to go finish it, hehe, so holidays will come!!

This semester sure have alot to look foreward to. O btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!! See you soon sometime this week.

I have learnt a lot in this past few weeks and hope that i will apply them.

Now and Zen

2006-06-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

2 more to go. 2 more to go. My bro and sis is coming in about 10 more days. Can't believe how fast time had passed. My life after the 23th, after my exams end would be so different from now. Yesterday was a full relaxing day after my second paper. REally needed it.

Exam periods are so bad for my body. Lack of sleep, long hours sitting down, cramming, eating gummy snakes by the packets, not eating right during proper meal times, not exercising (it's been two weeks since i hit the gym and i feel so FAT), bad skin and no social life. Somehow, it wasn't as bad as it should be since everyone is doing it.

Everyone looks like Liza Minelli, everyone have no life and everyone's stressed out, which makes it a norm and it becomes normal. Thankfully, it is gonna be over soon, for me, and already done and dusted for some lucky few, hehe.

Anyway, big plans for the holidays. Skiing, shopping and relaxing... but the holidays are quite short if anyone had realised it. Frankly, i can't wait to start next semester. I want this year to end quickly so that i can go back for holidays, hehe. Really hope that i can go either South Korea with ol' John or Tokyop Japan with Elina (free accomodation too).

Talk about Tokyo, i wanna watch Tokyo Drift!! Exams just kills the mood but still the movie has hot cars and hot babes. Has anyone notice that there is so many Asian involvements nowadays in Hollywood? MI3 was in Shang Hai, Memoirs of Geisha had myriads of Chinese actresses in it, Aishwarya Rai is the face of L'Oreal for a couple of million of dollars, Brokeback Mountain had acclaimed Ang Lee and now, Tokyo Drift. Hmm worth a thought. Have anyone noticed that in R and B music by African-American artists like Black-Eyed Peas, there is always a few Asian dancers? And talk about Gwen Stefani's Japanese crew??

Hmm, maybe we will get an Asian version of Ophrah soon. Remember the times when Blacks were making it into the entertaintment industry? Now, it is saturation. Hmm, maybe Connie Chung will take the lead, hehe.

Moral of the story, everyone loves an Asian guy...

Autumn in my Heart

2006-06-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

So i had finished one of those detestable exams papers and have 3 more to go. The first one was ok but my next one, which will be this coming Tuesday is a nightmare!~!

I am really really scared for this, i want to score for it but apart of me seemed to be convinced that i will just get another lame mark. Pressure now!!! Feel like bursting!! ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope that the questions all come from the 6 past year papers that i had done and i will be able to breeze through it. Sob sobs, now taking a break from all the drosophila and transposons and cancer cells crap.

Lately had been a very exciting weeks for me too. Apart from all the studying which is not so interesting. I realised that at any point of time, i am very indecisive and seemed to be interested in at least 4 people. Maybe it is normal complex for males to feel thus.. Hmm... what should i do? If this go on i will be one of those rich and fabulous single bachelor when i turn 40 and i do want to have children. So i like this girl (A), then i realised i like another girl (B). The thing about girl A is like her since forever but have not met up with her for almost a year now. the thing with girl B is i have been meeting up with her daily but since we are a part of a bigger group of friends, us being together will mean a lot of problems for the group.
Then there is C who is just perfect too but we see each other only once a week... and i reckon it is pure PURE lust. Then there is D who is really wierd cos there are times when i am put of by the behavior, than there are times when i want it.
HOW???? What to do??

Then there was last night. I was in Armani Exchange and i picked up a nice tee and a nicer pants. The pants was quite a regret as i found out that i need to dry clean which means it is an addition to my few items that needs to do so which i rarely wear as they are too 'fragile'. The staff, one really idiotic himbotic wrong mascara wearing male staff was apparantly rude to me. I asked him if a pile of Tees were new for the season and he 'sophisticatedly' replied, 'Yes they are BUT they are not on SALE.' Looked at my purchases and strutted away.

WHAT?? Exqueezeee me?? Do i need a further discount?? What an asshole.

Anyway, i realised that Little collins are great for retail. They have Comme des Garcon,even Junya Watanabe, lots of specialised male labels from limited Nike shoes (real nice)from that Fred Perry shop, Calibre, Satch and many many international labels!!! All the shop assistants look like they are from the covers of GQ magazine or Vogue L'UOMO!!!! Sadly, a fur leather jacket i saw (and liked) from D&G cost $4500 and a Versace suit set will set me back by $6000, damn~~~~ can't afford it.

So much for my study break, now back to the books. Have anyone noticed how beautiful the streets are now? There is not much sun, the trees are all yellow, some green, beautiful leaves falling down and really nice crisp air. Can't wait for my exams to be over!!

The Green Monster and Greenhouse-Geisser test

2006-05-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

Vineyard- Above all
Above all powers, above all kings, above all nature and all created things.
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man, you were here before the world began.
Above all kingdom, above all throne, above all wonders the world has ever known.
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth, there’s no way to imagine what you are worth.
Crucified, laid behind the stone, He lived to died, rejected and alone.
Like a rose, trampled on the ground.
You took the fall and thought of me above all.

I was reading 1 Peter last night and read on the verse that I had been carrying around with me on my bag. Chapter 5 verse 7 reads ‘Cast all you anxiety on him because he cares for you’.

Doesn’t that makes you shiver?

Exams do. G’day everybody, it is midweek of Swot Vac and it will be over soon. Anxiety sky rocketed for you guys yet? I know that I just woke up that day and realized that this is it. Second last semester of my degree. I want to do well, I hope I can… I so really do. It occurred to me that I was taking it all too easy previous semesters and it explains why I have no H1s… sob at one corner. I am an idiot, it is there for me to grab… I have to reach higher this time!! I hope that all of my friends do very well too… also partly because I can be spared the agony of them whining.

Moving on, happy 21st Surein. How fast this boy has grew up huh? Anyways enjoy your big day (even though it is spot on exam period), just wanna let you know that I love and cherish you as a friend (just don’t expect me to kiss you like you did to me on my b’day yea… hehe joking).

Past few weeks had been really really really humbling for me. Great learning experience as I explored more about myself and the world. Alongside that I am really very ignorant, lack a lot of life experience and has to learn many many things as many other people seemed to know more than me.

Or, maybe I am just humble and knows a lot of things, more so than many people that is older than me, but just wanna stay humble and learn as much as I can (hehehe). It doesn’t matter. I learnt that if I judge myself against other people, I WILL NEVER be happy. Someone else will be better at something and someone else will be better than that someone else. Talk about the green monster wanting to compete, ugly ugly green monster.

Instead, I only have to myself to answer to and do what my best can do. So I have to do my best, give my all, cross my finger and be satisfied. Yep, I vouch to do my very extreme best for this exam or else… or else…

On the lighter note, I have a joke to share with you guys. It came from a toilet forum.
Definition of ghost poo: the shit that flew out of you ass without any effort, makes no noise or splash when it falls, zoomed into the toilet hole and disappears into thin air. You don’t even have to wipe as it is white clean on your Kleenex (no need flushing too).

Hehehe, that’s all folks. Btw, did anyone saw what happened between Gretel Killeen and Mikey? FEUD!!

Do It, To It

2006-05-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

End of week 11------------>exam period started!!!(teeth chattering).

I was reading the whole of book of James on my NIB Bible last night. It was short book, only about 3 pages wrong but it sure am an asserting book. It talked about faith with no deed is dead. A book that constantly challanges me, James went on about people, doer, action, deeds, works and like Abraham, who is being called a friend of God, a man who do as he believes, by sacrificing his only son, Isaac.

It struck me as i have start to get up on my ass to finally do some really required readings in preparation for the big one. I felt really bad as i had neglected my readings for the past 3 weeks, thus i had not understood alot of terms being said in lectures. I shall announce that revision starts NOW!!

Another course of action thati had been doing is going to gym with a friend of mine, 'ol John. As usual, as a talk about anything friend, we went from Psychology to girls. Girls are such wierd entity that it is impossible to understand them. When apart, she will be mad if you don't call her or when you don't pick up her phone (as you are busy, as always), she will be so pissed her head flew to the moon.

Then, when together, she can be occassionally nice, occassionally not nice... and when you ask her 'honey is anything wrong'... she will snap 'no'! Then you go, ok, everything is fine then. then she will go ranting 'U are so insensitive, i had such a bad day and you don't even notice it.'

Ermm, but she said she was 'fine' a minute ago. Well, mood swings, but if you mention the word PMS (a no go zone, my fellow male species) to her, she will call you a chauvanistic jerk who is selfish and do not understand her or woman. Your fault as usual.

Then, you decided to let her cool down by not talking to her as everything you say will be wrong (uhuh)... she cries. She thinks you are ignoring her because she thinks you are angry with her for quarrelling with you. she will act as the victim now, she will say that you think she is the meanest bitch in the whole world when she is in fact 'misunderstood'. Yesh, go on, comfort her and say the nicest things to her. Perhaps buy her a flower or a new shoe.

When you 2 have a BIG quarrel, she will have a cold war with you. Not talk to you, not picking up you phone and insulting you infront of your mates whilts complaining to her girlfriends about you (usually she tell them tt you have a small dick, gherkin). then you move on when another girl seemed interested in your newly single status.

She gets green with envy!!! She tries to get you back, be REALLY REALLY nice to you. Very meek and agrees with everything you say, she suddenly become a mate, and you think mabbe she is really nice and you don't wanna lose her. She packes lunch for you, while fighting with the new girl (backstage). Then you decided to get back together.

After a week of sweet get back, she starts her attitude all over again. Accuse me of lying when i said i had tried to call her once every half an hour for the past 5 hours. So i am the meanest jerk all over again, while she complain to her girlfriends, and play the role of this misunderstood, poor, bullied, innocent and lovely, just lovely little girl.

Itineraries

2006-05-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

After a grueling coupl' o weeks of moulding my brain plasticity into exam prep mode, i finally ticked off a coupl' o things from my to do list. My business itinerary seemed to be doomed when the Ebay did something to my lovely account. Yesh, by shutting it off because they found me to be linked to a previous user that they had barred... aka me.

I was pissed of for a coupl' o days before finally calmed down a little. Lets take a further look at my itineraries before exams starts. I had gone for a choppy hair cut and a spray tan for winter that is much needed. I had got sick of loitering the city.. ticked... after being drenched in rain last Friday thanks to someone rather annoying. I had started to revise my work (good grief). Yet, the worst is to come.

So i have an assignment due this Thursday, which i have proudly done but not sure of scoring for it. I got back my mid semester test result and got only 24/40... almost hanged myself as one of my mate says, blatantly, that he did not prepare for the test as he had one 30% assignment due on the same day. Yet he got 29/40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Indespicable, unforgivable.. i really feel stupid these days. It's like i don't have the Genetics genes in me. No matter how much i study for it, i still get shit marks. And my lab demonstrator keeps on asking me to see him if i have any problems (he really thinks i am dumb as i am blond). I'm like fuck off, i have no time to see you, you paedophilic, blond-hating, assuming-that-i-dunno-my-stuff prick. Yet i have to see him or i really have no idea how to do those lab reports that are due every week and cost a certain percent that adds up to 50% of the total mark which contributed to 25% of ym total Genetic marks which in all is 80% for my third year marks to get into honours which is WHAT I MUST HAVE!!

Then again, i have 2 lab reports due next Tuesday, one presentation next Monday and another Psych lab report due on the week after next. Then, it is Swot Vac, then it is hell from 7th of june (my first paper) to 23rd of June. On the brighter side, my siblings are coming over and we'll have a jolly time (ermm, still to far away, the thought of exams kill me and possibly reduce my sperm production by 66% due to stress). Hehehe.

Ok shall not think so much or i will require lots and lots of therapy. Just stay focus!! Good luck with your exams everyone (smack my lips like a chimp).

Lost AND Found

2006-04-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

These past few days had been a whirlwind for me. Every Thursday and Friday, my class starts at 9 am, which is really really bad at times like Winter aka now (almost). I find it so hard to get up of bed. Yet, i dragged myslf out of it, after snoozing for 6 times (hehe).

Being me when i have to get up so early, i don't feel a 100%. It is like i will forget to pick up my eraser when i drop it at the lecture = lost eraser and have to buy a new one. It also equals to me forgetting about my PRECIOUS XBOX memory card after i played my game at ERC Library. FUCK, i only realised it late at night when i was packing my bag!!!! I went intoa frantic, as i would when i lose anything. I even get VERY VERY upset when i lose an eraser as I NEVER SEEM TO BE able to use even half of it before losing it again and again. AND i always buy expensive erasers (cost $3 each) as i like it.

FUCK FUCK, what shall i do? I saw some people playing the XBOX after me, some freakin' Asians. they MUST have took the memory card away!! It cost about $50 and is new (bought it 3 weeks ago) and is invaluable due to the games i had inside!!!
Why am i so dumb!! I took out the game disc but not the memory card. I know that i am not a 100% as i am tired and sleepy while playing the game. I shoild have taken a nap!!

Thankfully, the next day, today, ERC opens at 11am and i was there FIRST. By golly!! My memory card is still there!!! LUCKY!!! Thank God.

However, i found many many many many and i mean MANY saved games in it. Let's run through a list. There's Buffy and the Vampire Slayer, HALO, splinter Cell, Dead or Alive, Jurrasic Park, Godzilla, NBA Basketball, my game (phew, still there), Baldur's Gate, Counter Strike and the list goes on and on and on. Hehe, i had the honour of deleting them all!!!!

Wakakaka, i feel mean when i delete their games as they are pretty nice people not to take the memory card away and thought that it was a courtesy of the ERC library. Lesson learnt, try to be alert when i am not 100%, chek and recheck my items to see if anything was left behiind and don't PUSH myself when tired, REST.

There's more...

Last night, i met up with the boys for our zen time as usual. We were found at fabulous st. Kilda beach which i love. Strangely, there were not many people there, considering it is a hot spot and Friday night. Let's just say we had a filling dinner, and i love the beach walk. However, i was after i get home that night when i saw something!!

My left eye contact lense is GONE, gone with the wind...

I presumed that the windy St. Kilda might have blown some sand in and resulting in me rubbing my eyes, thus my contact lense drop to God know where. So i was with a BROWN left eye and a Blue right eye all my trip back. NO WONER people were staring at me.

I was distressed even though i had another set of contact lenses in store. I feel so dumb as i should have mirrored myself once every 15 minutes to check.

However, this morning, whilst washing my face, the blue lenses poped out from the right side of my left eye. OOOO man, the lenses had been in my eyes through the night. With it is a chunk of eye goo, yellowish to be precise. Damn, i talk about lost and found, this one was never lost. It just slipped into my back eye which i can rotate out to have zoom vision, laser eyes, see-though objectability and chakra sensing (kidding).

Haizz, at the end of the day, i lost somethings but found it all back. In life, many things don't get a second chance. It is at times when we tink or almost lose something that we find the key to open the gateway to get it back. This works for friendships too. It is during the times when one is not feeling 100% that wierd things happen as were are not very aware of the mental, physical and spiritual condition we are in. We just get swept around like a mindless zombie. Bad, bad to do it again.

Let us pay our respect to those who dies or got injured in the train wreck at VLocity passenger train travelling from Ararat to Melbourne when it collided with a semi-trailer at Trawalla about 3.30pm (AEST) on Friday yesterday (29/4/2006). Let it remind us that a life is precious and can be lost just like that... and may never be found again (unlike my mere XBOX memory card).

Sly Worm

2006-04-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

Uni have started after the much celebrated one week break. Guys, it's 4 weeks more before the big one. Frankly, not very prepared as yet but i know that this month will zoooom pass so fast that i dont even notice ,'Hey, in 2 more weeks will be my final paper.' Just to summarise everything i have done from my last post til now... almost nothing.

Meet up with the boys for dinners and Scary Movie 4 premier was like the only highlight. The rest is just perhaps trying.... and i mean trying to study. It cannot pass off as 'study' but 'trying to study'. The weather is killing me, feel sleepy most of the time, can't focus much as i feel that my body seemed to be less actve than Summer time. Sob sob sob. Don't everyone just hate Winter?

I realised that it is going to be boring in Winter. We'll sleep alot, stay indoors alot, complain that it is cold alot and many times, say how fantastic it would be if we have a portable heater, alot. Focus focus focus. I need a new surprise in my life to distract the Winter but i still have to stay focus. If life is about studying, making money and waiting for new surprises in life, some one should kill me now.

Maybe it is the Sly Worm that is taking over me now but i just feel pretty hopeless for this coming 2 weeks. The weather, the knowledge of exams starting to get to me, the monotone of activities, slight depression and hopelessness, HOMESICKNESS, boy do i miss the warm weather of Jakarta with my family, and assignments. I am sure many of you are feelingt this too.

Good news? Maybe this will be over soon and I will be so glad about things again. Hehe. A new Porsche Carrera and some red wine shall calm my nerves for now. The thought of being carless in a city like Melbourne also hau

Peep Holed.

2006-04-09T19:24:00.000-07:00

Week 7. Easter Break is gonna be here so soon. Finally, i can take a break, hehe. One funny incident occurred 2 days ago. As you guys know, i go to the library every Saturday to revise my work, being the good boy that i am. I will be there from 11 (time when library opens) to 5 (when it closes. Studious, hardworking and undisputed dilligence. What a good boy.

Since i get up at 10.30, i just have enough time for a quick shower and come cereal. I have have to complete my 'bowel movements' elsewhere, aka at the library toilet. Yet, i am not complaining. I always love reading them'poems' from the toilet walls. So funny.

For example, my fave poem that goes (exactly copied from the toilet) 'I froze your tears and turn it into a DAGGER. And stick it into my cock FOREVER. It stays there like EXCALIBUR....' Huahuahuahuahua. Such level of Literature huh.

Toilet Poems seemed to go from anything ridiculously funny like one that says 'Flush Twice, its a looooong way to the Cafeteria. Flush Trice to get to Melbourne Central.' to something suggesting a bit of porno such as 'My dick is longer than yours, so lets have a 'sword fight', to something political like 'Howard makes me hard' and then to something racist, like 'pictures of dicks, from long to short, then from blacks to Asians...'

Alas, many debates went on in the toilet. People insulting each other for their comments. Asians defending their sword lenghts. People going on all about the VSU and even messages like 'Wanting to meet at the toilet at certain certain time for some dirty dirty time'. Poor toilet cleaner, i even read something like 'The toilet cleaner is horny and says hi'. Spare them, i mean, just let them do their job for Go'd sake.

Then there was me, reading whilst boweling. Before i realised something!!!
I saw a message that goes, 'Hoe does it feel when there is a peep hole in your toilet' Peep hole?? I know that the cubicle beside me is occupied, then there was a HOLE!! A freakin hole!!!

So all this time i had used it w/o noticing. I have no idea if the person beside me was watching all this while.. Shit shit, my mind was in a daze. Light speedly, i stuffed some toilet papers to cover the damned hole up. Was i peeped?

So all this time i had been turing my backs to read those 'poems' and giggling to them.. and was watched?? What happens if the peeper knows me? Unbelievable. I always thought that holes in cubicles are things of myths and only perhaps exist at St. Kilda or Sydney's Oxford Street??
But AT MELBOURNE UNI??

Warnings ahead, do a rain check before you start 'raining'.
Lesson learnt.

Friday Nights

2006-03-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

There is something about Friday nights. A night which is highly anticipated by many. The air is filled happinesss.Overjoyed working people feeling an end to their tiring week. Groups of teenagers 'just hanging out'. Young people at their most zen.Other than the economic boost and endless buzz, friday nights symbolizes a time to celebrate life. After a week of life-LESS, Friday nights comes about as an exploding reward. Simple, different things can constitute such a reward.Be it enjoying a big Gelati by the park with a group of buddies at a warm night. The warm breeze being contrasted with the cool smooth mango and Roche. If this doesn't get anyone in the 'mood', then the refreshed and happy people surrounding you at the park will.Be it a shopping trip at the retail strip, when shop closes at 9 pm instead of the usual wetblanket 5pm. Getting this, getting that... finally.for those with a much emptier wallet, window shopping is not a bad option either.

Be it dinner at Chinatown, where there is almost a 40% chance of meeting our 'cousins' everywhere (hehe just kidding). Chinatown, with all its lights, buzz and action, seemed to be re-youthed as it came back form an 80 year old man to a18 year old hip, trendy and sophisticated teen. Then there is the pub where simply replaces the lunch time cafes. With pub, there seemed to be a notion of 'I am free now, i am also free later' whilst cafe give the 'I may be free now, but busy later' vibe. Chatting about the Melbourne games with your mates, the upcoming Grand Prix or the Footy seems appropriate. One of the characteristics of friday nights is also the club promoters out to hunt. giving out this brochure and that promotion, you'd wonder why the girls under dress and over made-up but who cares, they're hot.Be it the premier of a new movie. Lines of queues will be seen at the nearest Village. Online booking anyone?

Well, who says Friday nights have to be spent outside? A cosy warm dinner with our lovable ones at home seemed pretty decent.... That is, if it was raining. Friday nights celebrates life and is indeed in a class of its own.

Shit Week

2006-03-27T17:57:00.000-08:00

Week 5 of Uni. By far the mossssstttttt boring week i had. I felt a sense of fed-up-ness, stress accumulating and really disastified with everything. There is nothing that i can look forward to this week. Furthermore, i have one major Genetics due next week, and another major major one due the week after next. Plus.... i have no idea how to tackle them.

I felt sick as i don't really have a study buddy for the subject of Genetics. I am not coping as well i as should be. I mean, i am in my final year, no study buddy... no help. Well, previously, i had 'stalked' my tutors enough and they are beginning to fear my visits. Now, i felt dumb, lost and clueless whenever i had my Genetics prac, which will commence at about an hours time.

WARNING, i hate my Mondays and Tuesdays.

My most hectic days, well, i have my Tae Kwon Do class to unwind tonight, then my sauna session on Wednesday. Thursdays and Fridays are virtually weekends for me. Saturday is library and gym day. Haizz.. at least now i am starting a new painting. Hehe, something to really help me unwind and escape.

I know i have had said this for the past 2 years.. but i will need a miracle to survive till Easter comes. I hope that i can press on... Haizz, like a tunnel with no light, i shall press on till a glimp of light is seen.

Swift as the wind.

2006-03-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

WaWAWAWAWaaaa... It's already the end of week 3 of school. Time flies... it really has. My previous weeks were filled with workload and assignments that i have barely anytime to take a pause and breatheeee.
Hehe, anyway, i am actually glad that time flies that quick as i can't wait to graduate third year. I am glad that i had passed all my subjects =D. The Commonwealth Games just started, so loks like it's gonna be a pretty interesting 2 weeks.

Busy and busier, hmm, look forward to my 20th birthday next week. Wonder what will i get for my presents?? Hmmm.... Anyway, i learnt a new thing this year... 'Get over yourself!'

Sometimes, people are pre-occupied with themselves and what they think they are. Like me, i know that the moment i left Sg, i would be barely mentioned by my special friends. Let's face it, I don't mention them too anyways. It is just a mere fact, not a sad one. People have to move and move and move and move on. Unless that someone is in loooove with you, they would just 'put you back on the shelf'. However, special moments and a memory together will be the reason why uou are on the shelf, and not' swept under the rug'.

Life beckons.

5thof Mar 2006

2006-03-07T17:53:00.000-08:00

5th of March 2006, Saturday. Aftermath, a mourning heart. It's time to move on. Even though i felt sick at the realisation of this fact, i know that it will just be another stage of my life. I do not wish to leave Singapore, just like i do not want to leave Jakarta.. yet my life awaits me there. With a heavy heart, I shall soldier on.

A conclusion. This trip had flew so fast. 6 days and now what is left is a couple more hours. I really wanna thank my friends whom had came to see me, you know who you are... ehehe. Hope that we can do this more often in future. If i can summerise this trip in one sentence... it shall be 'I love it, i love it, i love it'. Hehe, now back to the reality of Uni.

4th of Mar 2006

2006-03-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

4th of March 2006, Saturday. Confessions of a Litterbug. In sunny singapore, i found my one passion in life... littering. It was so hot a habit that whenever i wipe the sweat off my body, thanks to the Singaporean sun, i would 'basket ball' it into the nearest bin. Well it never fails to miss the bin. Hehe. Like any good Samaritans, i do feel a tug of guilt... that lasted for 3 seconds... before i completely forgot what i had done.

In another words, i don't bother to pick them up.

As a person, eating fruity or minty candies. Yet those annoying wrappers prevail after my 10 minutes of yummy treats. Like a Ninja, whom specialises in stealth, i would simply tuck them.... in a very acquired and skillful hand movemnt... into the bus seat beside me. Soon, a sense of accomplishment would come to me. I felt a sense of joy and accomplishment as i know that deep in my heart... i have created more job opportunities for people.

What is a cleaner wihtout them litters? What is a janitor without a dirrttyy toilet seats? What is tne world... without us litterbugs.

@nd of Mar 2006

2006-03-07T17:51:00.000-08:00

2nd of March 2006 Thursday. AM feeling. Paradise Lost. An empty feeling rushed towards me like speed. I felt like i WAS a billionaire who had just lost all my fortune, not a single cent left of all my hard earned properties. I hate this feeling. A feeling that should have been dead long ago. A fortune that i should have known i had lost already. At this moment this feeling of lost can mean 2 things. Lost as in lost in direction and losing something real good. Yet i hope for a better tommorow, in a child like hope that it will bring back some lost fortune.

PM feeling. A rejuvination and enlightenment was bestowed upon me. In my heart, i suddenly realised that hey, maybe this could be it and i it actually can work out pretty well for me. At such circumstances i realised that things may seem different, yet the changes came about from the same seed. Maybe the fortune is not lost after all... but put aside in aan investment bank... to more and more.

1st of Mar 2006

2006-03-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

1st of March 2006, Wednesday.Things seemed fair and fair. An encounter that finally given. I was given a tour Orchard and City Hall area by one of my old friend. A good tour indeed as i had became pretty well versed in them after just today. I've picked up several things myself, one being the perfume that i always wanted for a pretty good price.

Today was such a hot day that i had to summon one of my formidable weapon... my umbrella. Despite the familiar sunny, hot and humid weather... there was completely no deja vu feeling whatsoever. As i am sitting down here and having sushi for dinner, i can't stop wondering if i was being ingrateful. Things would and should have been different. It should be a tad more fantasy-like and a lot more chi-chi.

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the food thats making me bloat... right now, a hot and cold shower shall clear my mind... yep.

28th of Feb 2006

2006-03-07T17:49:00.000-08:00

28th of February 2006, Tuesday the feeling that makes the heart beat 3 times faster... a shhockwave like it's a creepy thing. thus is the feeling that i am experiencing right now. a complete mixture of mushed up old and new. the mind tries to process ways to react to this feeling and finally concluded that there is absolutely no way to produce a right solution.

26th of Feb 2006

2006-03-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

Sunday 26th of February 2006, i woke up to a beautiful morning that promised a great day to come. My last days in Jakarta is passed with a sense that this year will be radically different from the past. I will be going to Singapore for a week first.
That thought excites me and the feeling thickens as i flipped through pages and pages of photos. Photos about my years in Singapore. Those 10 years had been fast, memorable, humbling, enriching, interesting... and...

Next stop, friends in Singapore. I really wish that it will be a worthy 'one week' hehe since i am missing a week of lectures for it, including a tutorial class for Genetics 304. Right now, i had an idea of what 2006 will be about. Looks like this year will not lose to those more interesting past ones that i had missed.

My feelings at the end of 2005

2006-03-07T17:47:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t before the last moments of my exam days when it hit me like a lighting that’s ‘in the zone’. It came as a surprise as I realize something from incubation that had all along and should be very evident… on top of that; I was surprised that I was surprised even. I lead a boring life. I had been, am still leading and have a pretty robust chance of leading a boring life… for the rest of my life. So sudden a realization, a wake up call from above or just one of those period phase that I am going through due to the weather?? A flash of truth, indeed a truth and a sad one to be reminded of, mind you.

I feel like all along I had been lying to myself and the greater others about this journey path called ‘life’. I didn’t have any. Maybe lying to myself may sound corny and psychologically impossible and very Freudian. For starters, I know that I had been trying my absolute mental best to CONVINCE me about la Dolce vita, and one that is becoming better and better every single day.

For example, I have more and more control about my life today as it was years ago. I do my ‘homework’ at my own pace, absolutely no one to nag at me as long as I hand it up by the required date. Then there was the financial power that I was bestowed, I can now buy anything as long as I have enough money for basic sustenance. Relationship freedom, the ‘gladly let you have your own life’ percept from elders and basically owning my own life. For one second, my life seemed star.

Yet, the truth is still the truth. I lead a boring life.

My passive personality just can’t hold my active. With the gratitude for the Almighty, whom had revealed this truth to me, I seek help. A boring life is sure curable. It has to be or I will be Dr. Cure. An advice from a friend that had been through a life called ‘lifeless’ is enough to force me out of the uterus that had been holding me captive for a very long time. Almost.
A senior by 2 years of age, a person I gladly call a friend, a mentor, an inspiration, a role model and fellow ‘fighter’. He told me, in his usual very-true-indeed-and-ultra-convincing tone that THE reason why I was feeling dull and life seemed to lack luster is because I had not found the goal of my life. I know it sounded square, and the goal of life is probably something to think about when we are ‘older, like 30 or something’. BUT WHY WAIT? Why lead a lifeless life for 30 years, then realized that you had to finally find life by finding that goal? You can fast track. You can bid goodbye to that paralyzing feeling and truth NOW.

Perhaps writing this made me realized more. Make me realize more about what I want in life. Not only to embrace my life fully but also be someone of positive impact to others. By then, I will then realize a new truth. I do not lead a boring life. Because I have a goal, as long as I live, I will pursue it. By pursuing it, I am living. Cos it is what I want to do and what I will do. Then, living a colourful life is not the destination, it is the journey, the everyday living, the ‘reaching for the goal’ hiatus. An advise is just an advise. It can almost bring you to life for the first time, not again (cos you never lived) as you will have to live this advice.
With this revelation, with God and my friend’s words, I still lead a boring life. But now, I will begin life.

THE ENCOUNTER AND THE LESSON

2006-02-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

It was a funny thing about judging someone by the looks alone. i was thoroughly shocked just that day when ffound out something so unsuspecting about a friend of mine. a nice fella whom insisted in buying me tissue papers when i scraped my left leg, just a little bit when riding his bike. it was my fault actually, being so clumsy. with innocent looks and voice tone, i had always thought him to be a junior as he is 3 years younger than i am. yet the thing that i hated most came to me that fateful day.

i was in that situation where i had to reconsider my values again and 'restructure' my perception of my 'actually more mature friend' junior and of my ownself. phew, i had surrounded myself with good people and thus learn from this encounter.

isin't is always annoying to have to change perceptions of ourselves and others? however i had judged and concluded it in my own ways..... and it proved too early.

The Right Wait

2006-02-20T16:06:00.000-08:00

Every day, one inevitable yet can do without activity comes to us.... the act of waiting. Even when switching on this computer, i have to wait 3 minutes for it to load completely.

What strikes me is the much time wasted whenever we do this activity... time that is innocently lost. We wait for ourselves and most annoyigly, others.

From young, we waited for our parents or caretakers to take care of our every single needs. Then, there was the irritating adolescent periods of our lives where we wait, almost zealously and impatiently for our body to grow up. To the desirable adult form. Many of my friends kept wondering when will they start to get taller, stronger and leaner after shedding those baby fat.

Sadly, at the back of their mind, they know that they will have to wait.... to wait for their body to keep up with what they want to become.

I had become accustomed with the act of waiting myself quite frankly. I waited 45 minutes just to consult a doctor for less than 5 minutes. Then, i waited another 1 hour for my prescription to come. An act that requires no more than 15 minutes had 1 and a half hour wasted.

The requirements of wait is demanding, yet with good time management, much could be achieved if the waiting time allows.

As for those friends who arrive 10 minutes late always, they should have known better.

Road Trip

2006-02-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

Accident on the Highway

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It was a normal day with traffic jams and a little dizzle. My brother was driving me and Ponty to Plaza Semanggi (right beside Thr Aston) for a little retail. On our way, across the highway, we drove past this scene. A real huge truck had toppled. Hmmm, must be the slippery road and the unbalanced truck in a high way that is quite narrow. Sadly, i learnt afterwards that the driver of the truck had died.

Then, the road cleared and after taking some pictures with my mobile, we left the scene and arrived in Plaza Semanggi. I love Plaza Semanggi. A new mall that i would give a class B+ is really cute as it had lots of little booths that sells those small and adorable keychain that may come across cheap but if you buy a couple, it really cost quite alot. Ponty picked up a pants and some Naruto keychain. There are also alot of resto in Plaza Semanggi, note the Duck King. It was a pleasant trip indeed.

We had to fetch my eldest brother's girlfriend from work and drop her to the orthodontist after Plaza Semanggi. She works at Standard Charted in Mega Mall. Mega Mall is a place close to my heart as i was there every single day a few years ago. My dad had a resto there before. A class B- mall that had the Mega Mall Supermarket and Carrefour. I love this mall for the pet shop and i saw the most gorgous Chow-Chow there. White and big. I also saw this Chihuahua that is from a champion breed. It is brown and really small.... a little more expensive than the white one beside it. The shape of it is so mush nicer than the white chihuahua (which is also expensive since it's coat colour is the rare solid white).

After that, we head to Celebrity Fitness for some gym session. We had been hitting the gym for a few days now together with Christanto aka Crimex. Celebrity Fitness is located in Puri Indah Mall, a class B- mall which had Carrefour and Hero. Puri Indah is a housing complex that is near my place =D. Realising that we were late for RPM or the Power Cycle class, we decided to do some equipment before heading the Sauna. WE LOVE THE SAUNA. Really relaxing...

Then, it was home sweet home, what a day... and i slept well.