Blue Album

These days have been cold, quiet, reflective and good.
I am once again found in between the door of my past and the gateway to my future.
Yet, I am still stuck in the present, refusing to budge.

My past has caught up with me, at least more so than I felt comfortable in.
I always dream during the night.
It is like sitting down in my bed watching a film about me and my life.
People that were in my life played those characters in my dreams.
Events and places that are either new or old occurred.
I woke up with those dreams still fresh in my mind.
And I have to be reminded of things I have stored deep in my sub-conscious.
I was being reminded and reminded that I grew nostalgic.
I felt an urge, a tug in my heart and a longing.

I don’t like those dreams.
Why do they have to come at night?

My future is the one that I have to steer on.
I see many challenges, possibilities and tasks ahead.
I may be a young and fresh 22 year old now.
But I know that I will come out of it an older,
Stronger, tried and tested person.
I understand that now is not a time of reaping,
But a time of sowing, working and striving.
Yet, I am saddened at the possibly that I may have to start
At step 1 again if I were to move to another place.
The search for a new ‘home’ will have to happen again.
The time of finding my place in the new place.
More heartbreaks, more regrets and more sighs.
Why can’t I have the best of both worlds.

Looking at my old posts at the old blog,
I felt like I am face to face to my old self.
All my past mistakes, my past forgives and aspirations.
Everything has been fine.
If I see my future self, I will not ask if everything will be ok.
As I know that it will be.

What about yourself?
Have you wished to amend something?
Have you wished to forgive someone?
Do you wish you have the courage to do what you want to?
Do you want to just fly high and soar above yourself?
I know there are many things that I wish…
There is a SuperDidi in me, when I feel weak,
When the EvilDidi is eating me up,
I open the Blue Album,
And becomes SuperDidi,
And everything will be fine.

Although my heart still bears the scars of my previous errs.
I still shiver at the sight of people whom had hurt me.
I will put those into the Blue Album,
So that they will not harm me anymore.