Wall by wall

Crazy moving day. Sometimes I wonder if having many 'earthly possessions' run in my family. It must be in the genes as I realised that even after I have sent all my things away, there is still so many bloody things that my sister and this current house has that needs to be moved!!! Grrr... it is never ending and make me fantasise about the perfect world where I have the luxury of simply packing a suitcase to move. Yet, this perfect world will never exist as my undies alone will fill that suitcase. Zzzzz.

The new apartment in Toorak is unreal by the way. Minutes away from all the good cafes, restaurants and drinking spot in Chapel Street. The only problem is there is too many car traffic in that area and it can get noisy on the weekend nights with party goers. The crowd is beautiful and young and it is a posh area with nice cars lining the roads. Chapel Street used to be but no longer is a place I like to go. I am not sure why but I don't find the shopping there exciting or any special. Just like Oxford Street in Sydney, I find those places too dry and inorganic.

Recently I have been listening to some oldies/classic Mandopop songs. I never liked those particular songs that much in the past when they were hot. However, today, I find them meaningful and relevant to my current point in life. I have been listening to Daniel Chan's 'Bu Wo Xing Fu', 'Xiang Feng Yi Yang De Nan Zi' and Na Ying's 'Zheng Fu' and 'Meng Yi Chang'. The latter is my current favourite. It is such a deep song with complex lyrics although it sounded like a lullaby at first. Can't wait to 'belt' them in karaoke wakakakaka.

My last two days in Melbourne. There is no strong emotions at all. It seems like I am over it here. I feel like I am more than ready to close this chapter. When I am driving around, the faces and places, does not strike any emotions. The buildings and familiar spaces, have been there as I remembered and used to be a destination but no longer. My relationship ties to the people here are fulfilled and there is no more unfinished business... not after today. The only question in my heart is, what will I miss when I go away??

I try to conjure a list of things that I love here. I am sure I will miss certain restaurants here as I do get cravings for them once in a while. I am sure I will miss some shops here as I get heaps of things there. I think I will miss the cool weather here and the opportunity to wear a nice coat although I am constantly complaining about the cold. I may miss the relaxed lifestyle and the friendly people of Melbourne. Then, will I miss my friends here, even though I constantly feel loneliness. Yet... these are all speculations of what I will miss. The only way to find out is to be away from this place.

Then there are the exciting yet uncertain thoughts about my future. Will my business be truly successful in Indonesia? Will my life be too comfortable in Jakarta with my wealthy parents in their mansion? Will I lose my motivation to keep improving my skills and myself? Will I find happiness there? What drama awaits me in this foreign yet familiar place? Wall by wall, I will need to break down the negative thoughts and build my empire. I am sure there will be plenty of challenges ahead of me.

Now, I like to thank God for my life. I am grateful for all that He has given me. He has blessed me with opportunities and choices. I am well aware that I have many a times not chosen the choices that are pleasing to His eyes. Yet, mistakes happen for a reason and my character is built on those mistakes and overcoming my weakness by first identifying them. In him I trust, I shall fear no evil =).

I am truly my worst critic. It does not matter if my mom and dad will be proud of my work, as I know that I need to be proud of my work to live with myself. And if I am proud of my work (eventually), my parents will be too. I know that I have been blabbering about family values and stuff a lot recently but it is certainly a topic I like to explore. A family is like a dynasty. There is politics, drama and so dynamic and I feel like it is time for me to participate in my family matters.