Friday Nights

There is something about Friday nights. A night which is highly anticipated by many. The air is filled happinesss.Overjoyed working people feeling an end to their tiring week. Groups of teenagers 'just hanging out'. Young people at their most zen.Other than the economic boost and endless buzz, friday nights symbolizes a time to celebrate life. After a week of life-LESS, Friday nights comes about as an exploding reward. Simple, different things can constitute such a reward.Be it enjoying a big Gelati by the park with a group of buddies at a warm night. The warm breeze being contrasted with the cool smooth mango and Roche. If this doesn't get anyone in the 'mood', then the refreshed and happy people surrounding you at the park will.Be it a shopping trip at the retail strip, when shop closes at 9 pm instead of the usual wetblanket 5pm. Getting this, getting that... finally.for those with a much emptier wallet, window shopping is not a bad option either.

Be it dinner at Chinatown, where there is almost a 40% chance of meeting our 'cousins' everywhere (hehe just kidding). Chinatown, with all its lights, buzz and action, seemed to be re-youthed as it came back form an 80 year old man to a18 year old hip, trendy and sophisticated teen. Then there is the pub where simply replaces the lunch time cafes. With pub, there seemed to be a notion of 'I am free now, i am also free later' whilst cafe give the 'I may be free now, but busy later' vibe. Chatting about the Melbourne games with your mates, the upcoming Grand Prix or the Footy seems appropriate. One of the characteristics of friday nights is also the club promoters out to hunt. giving out this brochure and that promotion, you'd wonder why the girls under dress and over made-up but who cares, they're hot.Be it the premier of a new movie. Lines of queues will be seen at the nearest Village. Online booking anyone?

Well, who says Friday nights have to be spent outside? A cosy warm dinner with our lovable ones at home seemed pretty decent.... That is, if it was raining. Friday nights celebrates life and is indeed in a class of its own.

Shit Week

Week 5 of Uni. By far the mossssstttttt boring week i had. I felt a sense of fed-up-ness, stress accumulating and really disastified with everything. There is nothing that i can look forward to this week. Furthermore, i have one major Genetics due next week, and another major major one due the week after next. Plus.... i have no idea how to tackle them.

I felt sick as i don't really have a study buddy for the subject of Genetics. I am not coping as well i as should be. I mean, i am in my final year, no study buddy... no help. Well, previously, i had 'stalked' my tutors enough and they are beginning to fear my visits. Now, i felt dumb, lost and clueless whenever i had my Genetics prac, which will commence at about an hours time.

WARNING, i hate my Mondays and Tuesdays.

My most hectic days, well, i have my Tae Kwon Do class to unwind tonight, then my sauna session on Wednesday. Thursdays and Fridays are virtually weekends for me. Saturday is library and gym day. Haizz.. at least now i am starting a new painting. Hehe, something to really help me unwind and escape.

I know i have had said this for the past 2 years.. but i will need a miracle to survive till Easter comes. I hope that i can press on... Haizz, like a tunnel with no light, i shall press on till a glimp of light is seen.

Swift as the wind.

WaWAWAWAWaaaa... It's already the end of week 3 of school. Time flies... it really has. My previous weeks were filled with workload and assignments that i have barely anytime to take a pause and breatheeee.
Hehe, anyway, i am actually glad that time flies that quick as i can't wait to graduate third year. I am glad that i had passed all my subjects =D. The Commonwealth Games just started, so loks like it's gonna be a pretty interesting 2 weeks.

Busy and busier, hmm, look forward to my 20th birthday next week. Wonder what will i get for my presents?? Hmmm.... Anyway, i learnt a new thing this year... 'Get over yourself!'

Sometimes, people are pre-occupied with themselves and what they think they are. Like me, i know that the moment i left Sg, i would be barely mentioned by my special friends. Let's face it, I don't mention them too anyways. It is just a mere fact, not a sad one. People have to move and move and move and move on. Unless that someone is in loooove with you, they would just 'put you back on the shelf'. However, special moments and a memory together will be the reason why uou are on the shelf, and not' swept under the rug'.

Life beckons.

5thof Mar 2006

5th of March 2006, Saturday. Aftermath, a mourning heart. It's time to move on. Even though i felt sick at the realisation of this fact, i know that it will just be another stage of my life. I do not wish to leave Singapore, just like i do not want to leave Jakarta.. yet my life awaits me there. With a heavy heart, I shall soldier on.

A conclusion. This trip had flew so fast. 6 days and now what is left is a couple more hours. I really wanna thank my friends whom had came to see me, you know who you are... ehehe. Hope that we can do this more often in future. If i can summerise this trip in one sentence... it shall be 'I love it, i love it, i love it'. Hehe, now back to the reality of Uni.

4th of Mar 2006

4th of March 2006, Saturday. Confessions of a Litterbug. In sunny singapore, i found my one passion in life... littering. It was so hot a habit that whenever i wipe the sweat off my body, thanks to the Singaporean sun, i would 'basket ball' it into the nearest bin. Well it never fails to miss the bin. Hehe. Like any good Samaritans, i do feel a tug of guilt... that lasted for 3 seconds... before i completely forgot what i had done.

In another words, i don't bother to pick them up.

As a person, eating fruity or minty candies. Yet those annoying wrappers prevail after my 10 minutes of yummy treats. Like a Ninja, whom specialises in stealth, i would simply tuck them.... in a very acquired and skillful hand movemnt... into the bus seat beside me. Soon, a sense of accomplishment would come to me. I felt a sense of joy and accomplishment as i know that deep in my heart... i have created more job opportunities for people.

What is a cleaner wihtout them litters? What is a janitor without a dirrttyy toilet seats? What is tne world... without us litterbugs.

@nd of Mar 2006

2nd of March 2006 Thursday. AM feeling. Paradise Lost. An empty feeling rushed towards me like speed. I felt like i WAS a billionaire who had just lost all my fortune, not a single cent left of all my hard earned properties. I hate this feeling. A feeling that should have been dead long ago. A fortune that i should have known i had lost already. At this moment this feeling of lost can mean 2 things. Lost as in lost in direction and losing something real good. Yet i hope for a better tommorow, in a child like hope that it will bring back some lost fortune.

PM feeling. A rejuvination and enlightenment was bestowed upon me. In my heart, i suddenly realised that hey, maybe this could be it and i it actually can work out pretty well for me. At such circumstances i realised that things may seem different, yet the changes came about from the same seed. Maybe the fortune is not lost after all... but put aside in aan investment bank... to more and more.

1st of Mar 2006

1st of March 2006, Wednesday.Things seemed fair and fair. An encounter that finally given. I was given a tour Orchard and City Hall area by one of my old friend. A good tour indeed as i had became pretty well versed in them after just today. I've picked up several things myself, one being the perfume that i always wanted for a pretty good price.

Today was such a hot day that i had to summon one of my formidable weapon... my umbrella. Despite the familiar sunny, hot and humid weather... there was completely no deja vu feeling whatsoever. As i am sitting down here and having sushi for dinner, i can't stop wondering if i was being ingrateful. Things would and should have been different. It should be a tad more fantasy-like and a lot more chi-chi.

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the food thats making me bloat... right now, a hot and cold shower shall clear my mind... yep.

28th of Feb 2006

28th of February 2006, Tuesday the feeling that makes the heart beat 3 times faster... a shhockwave like it's a creepy thing. thus is the feeling that i am experiencing right now. a complete mixture of mushed up old and new. the mind tries to process ways to react to this feeling and finally concluded that there is absolutely no way to produce a right solution.

26th of Feb 2006

Sunday 26th of February 2006, i woke up to a beautiful morning that promised a great day to come. My last days in Jakarta is passed with a sense that this year will be radically different from the past. I will be going to Singapore for a week first.
That thought excites me and the feeling thickens as i flipped through pages and pages of photos. Photos about my years in Singapore. Those 10 years had been fast, memorable, humbling, enriching, interesting... and...

Next stop, friends in Singapore. I really wish that it will be a worthy 'one week' hehe since i am missing a week of lectures for it, including a tutorial class for Genetics 304. Right now, i had an idea of what 2006 will be about. Looks like this year will not lose to those more interesting past ones that i had missed.

My feelings at the end of 2005

It wasn’t before the last moments of my exam days when it hit me like a lighting that’s ‘in the zone’. It came as a surprise as I realize something from incubation that had all along and should be very evident… on top of that; I was surprised that I was surprised even. I lead a boring life. I had been, am still leading and have a pretty robust chance of leading a boring life… for the rest of my life. So sudden a realization, a wake up call from above or just one of those period phase that I am going through due to the weather?? A flash of truth, indeed a truth and a sad one to be reminded of, mind you.

I feel like all along I had been lying to myself and the greater others about this journey path called ‘life’. I didn’t have any. Maybe lying to myself may sound corny and psychologically impossible and very Freudian. For starters, I know that I had been trying my absolute mental best to CONVINCE me about la Dolce vita, and one that is becoming better and better every single day.

For example, I have more and more control about my life today as it was years ago. I do my ‘homework’ at my own pace, absolutely no one to nag at me as long as I hand it up by the required date. Then there was the financial power that I was bestowed, I can now buy anything as long as I have enough money for basic sustenance. Relationship freedom, the ‘gladly let you have your own life’ percept from elders and basically owning my own life. For one second, my life seemed star.

Yet, the truth is still the truth. I lead a boring life.

My passive personality just can’t hold my active. With the gratitude for the Almighty, whom had revealed this truth to me, I seek help. A boring life is sure curable. It has to be or I will be Dr. Cure. An advice from a friend that had been through a life called ‘lifeless’ is enough to force me out of the uterus that had been holding me captive for a very long time. Almost.
A senior by 2 years of age, a person I gladly call a friend, a mentor, an inspiration, a role model and fellow ‘fighter’. He told me, in his usual very-true-indeed-and-ultra-convincing tone that THE reason why I was feeling dull and life seemed to lack luster is because I had not found the goal of my life. I know it sounded square, and the goal of life is probably something to think about when we are ‘older, like 30 or something’. BUT WHY WAIT? Why lead a lifeless life for 30 years, then realized that you had to finally find life by finding that goal? You can fast track. You can bid goodbye to that paralyzing feeling and truth NOW.

Perhaps writing this made me realized more. Make me realize more about what I want in life. Not only to embrace my life fully but also be someone of positive impact to others. By then, I will then realize a new truth. I do not lead a boring life. Because I have a goal, as long as I live, I will pursue it. By pursuing it, I am living. Cos it is what I want to do and what I will do. Then, living a colourful life is not the destination, it is the journey, the everyday living, the ‘reaching for the goal’ hiatus. An advise is just an advise. It can almost bring you to life for the first time, not again (cos you never lived) as you will have to live this advice.
With this revelation, with God and my friend’s words, I still lead a boring life. But now, I will begin life.